80 Funny Water Puns

Here are 80 funny water jokes and the best water puns to crack you up. These jokes about water are great water jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of water dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about water, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this water humor with others.

Jump to:

• Water puns
• Water one liners
• Best water jokes
• Final thoughts

Water puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about water that are also awesome water jokes for adults and kids to be told!

1. How does a dock stay above water? Pier pressure.
2. What is a televised water marathon called? A livestream.
3. What is the chemical formula of ice? H2O cubed.
4. What did the two raindrops say to the third one? Two is company, but three is a cloud.
5. What is the best waterfall joke? The one which does not have any downfalls.

6. What makes dry river beds so adventurous? Being ex-stream.
7. Why can male dogs swim in the ocean? Because they are good buoys.
8. What keeps the ocean intact and does not let the water leak out? The seals.
9. Where can water droplets settle an argument? The Supreme Quart.
10. Why did the teacher grade her students underwater? Because their marks were below sea level.

11. What did everyone say when the boiling water died? He would be mist.
12. How do you determine the gender of an ant? If it floats on the water, it is a buoyant.
13. How do you make a water bed bouncier? By using spring water.
14. Which doctor should you go to if you live underwater? A sturgeon.
15. What are the two reasons you should refrain from drinking toilet water? Number one, and number two.

16. Two monkeys run a bath. One says, “ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah”. The other says, “put some cold water in it”.
17. How do snails breathe under water? Snailkels.
18. What does a table become when you accidentally pour water on it? A pool table.
19. What did the newly married couple say when they found the bed they liked? Water bed.
20. Why should one be careful when it is raining cats and dogs? Because they might step on a poodle.

21. What did one raindrop ask the other? Water you doing tonight?
22. Why did the sink say praises for the water faucet? Because it was a real drip.
23. What do you call it when it rains coins? A change in the weather.
24. How do you get a holy bottle of water? By boiling the hell out of it.
25. Why does everyone need bread and water? Loaf makes the world go round.

26. What is a heavy precipitation called? A rain of terror.
27. What helps to build an ark when it rains? To Noah guy.
28. What is raining poultry called? Fowl weather.
29. How does a cloud invest? Through liquid assets.
30. How do you wrap a gift for a puddle of water? Using a rain-bow.

31. Have you heard that river joke? It is a dam good one.
32. What do you call a famous hole of filled with water? Well-known.
33. What do you call a cow that can part water? Moo-ses.
34. What is the opposite of salt water? Pepper water.
35. What swims in the water and has a magic wand? Harry P-otter.

36. What did the tied up lobster fear more than boiling water? Claw-Strophobia.
37. Why did the water cross the ocean? Because it wanted to wave at the sand.
38. What should you ask a famous water mammal? Can I have your otter-graph?
39. What did Arnold Schwarzenegger’s say after watering his tomato seeds? You have been germinated.
40. Did you hear about the chef that threw salt, flour and water in a person’s eyes? He was charged with a salt and battering.

41. How does a gardener lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
42. What did the river say to the hiker with the clunky boots? Water those?
43. Why are mice scared of swimming in water? Because of all the catfish.
44. What kind of fruit do moles eat in the summer? Water-mole-ns.
45. What did the coffee lawyer say to the boiling water? We’ll kettle this in court.

46. What do you call a well with abundant water? Well off.
47. What do you call a lizard that likes the water? An aqua-na.
48. What water yields the most beautiful lettuce heads? Perspiration.
49. What does the ice cube say? I was water before it was cool.
50. What does a glass of water ask a pond? “Water you doing?” What does the pond answer? “Pondering life”.

51. Is there a particular time of the year when a hot dog needs help? No. They’re always in hot water.
52. How deep does water have to be to be ankle deep? Two Feet.
53. When do you go on red and stop at green? A watermelon.
54. How do you get a baby elephant to come out of the water? You take away his trunks.
55. What do you call an alligator who loves watering his plants? An irrigator.

Water one liners

Here are some great water joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about water.

56. A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
57. The oceans are comprised of minimally-carbonated salt water. Therefore, the Earth is flat.
58. So I started this new underwater band-project.  I hope you guys like aquapella.
59. Engineer No. 1: “I bet you can’t name two structures that can hold water.” Engineer No. 2: “Well, dam.”
60. I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day. He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”

61. When they bought a water bed, the bride and groom started to drift apart.
62. The mermaid told me that she splashed water in my eyes by mistake, but I just know she did it on porpoise.
63. A little fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks the fish “What can I get you?” The little fish replies (gasping) “Water! I need water!”
64. A woman rides through the desert on her camel. She drops her water bottle and her camel falls over and dies. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
65. You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it’s a girl ant. If it doesn’t, buoyant.

66. I created a cocktail called the Jellyfish. It’s 98% water.
67. I’m swimming at the beach, water you doing today.
68. If your sparkling water loses it’s bubbles, that’s ok. It’s still water.
69. I just saw real a real fool at the gym, he put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill.
70. I opened my water and electricity bills at the same time. I was shocked.

Best water jokes

These next funny water puns are some of our best jokes and puns about water!

71. What kind of comedy does water not like? Dry humor.
72. What can you always substitute for ice in a recipe? Frozen water.
73. What did the sink say to the glass of water? You are sinking.
74. If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing, and swimming.
75. What kind of water is good for your health? Well water.

76. How does a king like his water? Hailing.
77. How does a queen like her water? Not reigning.
78. What do you say if you find three watering holes in the ground? Well, well, well.
79. What did the poor man do with his beautiful water painting? He pond it.
80. What did the owl say when he flew into a large wall used to contain water? Well owl be damned.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about water, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

• Space jokes
• Winter puns
• Jokes about oceans
• Vampire jokes for kids