35 Jokes About Glass

Here are 35 funny glass jokes and the best glass puns to crack you up. These jokes about glasses are great glass jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of glass dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about glasses, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this glass humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of meme sunglasses on blue background.

Glass puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about glass and glasses that are also awesome glass jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. Will glass coffins be a success? It remains to be seen.
  2. Why do Java developers often wear glasses? They can’t C#.
  3. Why don’t phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts.
  4. What does a glass of water ask a pond? “Water you doing?” What does the pond answer? “Pondering life”.
  5. What did Cinderella where to the beach? Glass flippers.
  1. What did the window say to the frame when it was messing about? Stop being sill-y.
  2. What happened to the lab technician when he fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.
  3. How can you tell if somebody has a glass eye? Because it comes out in conversation.
  4. Did you hear about the glass blower who accidentally inhaled? He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
  5. What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass? An investigator.
Cartoon graphic of glass of water on blue background.
  1. Why are glasses not allowed to be worn on the football field? Because football is a contact sport.
  2. What do you call a glass to-do list? Clear instructions.
  3. Do you know who the most famous outlaws are in the Kingdom of Sand and Glass? The Pyrex of the Caribbean.
  4. Why are people who wear glasses usually so much better at solving math problems? Because glasses help with division.
  5. Why do bartenders always salt the rim on the glasses when making margaritas? To prevent the spirits from getting out.
  1. Why does the new Russian Navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see the old Russian Navy.
  2. Which side of a glass of water does Gary Larson drink from? Neither. He ordered a cheeseburger.
  3. What type of glasses make you blind? Shot glasses.
  4. How do you get Beer Goggles? You put alcohol in your Drinking Glasses.
  5. What do you say to someone who drinks an entire glass of what they think is Mountain Dew but isn’t? urine idiot.
Cartoon graphic of window of glass with sun and hills outside on blue background.

Glass one liners

Here are some great glass joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about glasses.

  1. So my husband told me I look better without my glasses I said, thanks, you look better without my glasses too.
  2. There are three ways to see things in life. You can either look at the glass as half empty like a pessimist, half full like an optimist, or you can be an engineer and realize that the glass is bigger than required.
  3. If you or anyone you know had to wear a mask with your glasses, you may be entitled to some condensation.
  4. A friend’s pessimistic attitude cost him his job as a barman. With him, the glass was always half empty.
  5. My 87 year old Grandmother still does not use glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle.
  1. I ended up sitting right on my glasses when I got in the car today. It hurts a little, but at least my hind-site is 20-20 now.
  2. Someone stole glasses at work today. I’m not worried about finding the culprit though, I have good contacts.
  3. There’s a new business in town that is trying to sell cars and glasses in the same place. It’s called Eye-Kia!
  4. My friend used to work at a bar, but got fired because of his bad attitude. I guess the owner didn’t like seeing the glasses half empty all the time.
  5. Bondage is so much easier now we’re older. I used to have to blindfold her. Now I just hide her glasses.
Cartoon graphic of truck moving glass panels on blue background.

Best glass jokes

These next funny glass puns are some of our best jokes and puns about glasses!

  1. What do you call a sign made out of glass? Clear instructions.
  2. I wore glasses to my job interview because getting a good job is all about optics.
  3. Respect people who wear glasses. They paid money to see you.
  4. I thought breaking glass would be easy. Turns out, it’s a real pane.
  5. I had the chance to make a significant investment with a new company that was making frosted glass products, but decided against it as there was no clear future in their product line.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about glasses, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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