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55 Funny Sailor Jokes

ByChe Lewis

Here are 55 funny sailor jokes and the best sailor puns to crack you up. These jokes about sailors are great jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of sailor dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about sailors, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this sailor humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of a boy sailing a small boat on a blue background.

Sailor puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about sailors that are also awesome sailor jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. How long did the sailor wait? Until the bitter end.
  2. When does a dog become a sailor? When he embarks.
  3. Why did the sailor keep his money on an elevated sea floor? It was a bank.
  4. Why don’t sailors like buying new hats? They’re afraid of cap sizing.
  5. Where do sailors make change for a dollar? On the quarterdeck.
  1. Where do late sailors come from? Missed-his-shippi.
  2. Why did the sailor fall asleep? Because he went snore-kling.
  3. What happens if you throw a Finnish sailor overboard? Helsinki.
  4. Where do zombies go sailing? In the Dead Sea.
  5. Why did the sailor bring a salt shaker with him? To put it on the leach.
  1. What kind of boat do sailors learn their trade on? An apprenticeship.
  2. Which movie do sailors like to watch the most? The Codfather.
  3. When do sailors eat dinner? Maritime.
  4. Why does it take sailors ages to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
  5. What did the sailor say when the Coast Guard accused him of speeding? I did knot.
  1. Why do sailors eat so many carrots? It helps them sea better.
  2. How do sailors greet each other on the cruise? They start waving.
  3. Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie? He’s a squashbuckling pirate.
  4. Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecasted? It’s the clam before the storm.
  5. Why are sailors terrible database administrators? They try to make all of the data float.
Cartoon graphic of a lighthouse and a group of men on a boat sailing on a blue background.
  1. Where does a sailor who can’t control his temper go? Anchor management.
  2. What’s another name for the captain of a sail boat? A sails manager.
  3. Why couldn’t the sailor play cards? The captain was standing on the deck.
  4. What do sailors play when they’re bored? Cards, because they always have a deck.
  5. Why did the sailor avoid the store with a big sale on boating supplies? It was an oar deal.
  1. When is a sailor not a sailor? When he’s aboard.
  2. Where do sailors go when they feel sick? The dock-tor.
  3. Why did the sailor ground his son? His grades were below sea level.
  4. Who is the fastest sailor in the world? Usain Boat.
  5. If Apple was a pirate ship, what would their sailors wear? An iPatch.
  1. Why can’t you tickle a sailor? Because they’re nautical-ish.
  2. What was the sailor worried about his anger? He had a tendency to go overboard.
  3. Why did the sailor go shopping? Because they were having a sail.
  4. Why couldn’t the famous pirate sell his ship? Because it was unassailable.
  5. Why were all the sailors only on the front of the ship? Beause otherwise they’d get astern talking to.
  1. How do you make sailors look younger? Boat-tox.
  2. What do sailors eat for breakfast? Boatmeal.
  3. Why was the sailor broke? The captain docked his pay.
  4. How do retired sailors greet each other? Long time no sea.
  5. What do you call a sail with only 2 corners? I haven’t got a clew.
Cartoon graphic of a boy sailor smiling on a blue background.

Sailor one liners

Here are some great sailor joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about sailors.

  1. Don’t worry. Schooner or later, you’ll learn to sail.
  2. A sailor eating alphabet soup found the seven Cs.
  3. A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint. The sailors were marooned.
  4. I met a sailor who liked putting helium balloons in his ship. Whatever floats your boat I guess.
  5. I met a sailor I wanted to marry, but even though he was in love with me, he wasn’t ready to tie the knot.
Cartoon graphic of a girl sailor climbing and looking through a telescope on a blue background.

Best sailor jokes

These next funny sailor puns are some of our best jokes and puns about sailors!

  1. What vegetables do sailors hate? Leeks.
  2. When is a sailor made of wood? When he’s a board.
  3. Where do sailors play chess? Overboard.
  4. Which sailors blow their noses most often? The Anchor Chiefs.
  5. What did the sailor say to the optometrist? Eye! Eye! Captain.
  1. Why is sailing like oil drilling? They’re both a crewd business.
  2. What do you call a sailor who’ll never let you see him cry? A private-tear.
  3. Research found that 96.86% of people in the sea are sailors. The rest are pi-rates.
  4. My friend was late for our sailing trip. When she arrived, it was a-boat time.
  5. What did the sailor say to the sea monster? What’s Kraken?

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about sailors, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny occupation puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

Hi! I'm Che, and I hope you enjoy these jokes as much as me. These jokes lists are curated by me alone. I handpick the jokes for quality, create some myself or add ones that have been contributed by readers like you.

I constantly update Here's A Joke posts to ensure top quality. Not feeling a joke or got one to share? Let me know in the comments or contact me. With your support, I'm aiming for the best joke site around.

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