80 Funny Doctor Jokes

Here are 80 funny doctor jokes and the best doctor puns to crack you up. These jokes about doctors are great doctor jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of doctor dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about doctors, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this doctor humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of doctor with his finger pointing up on blue background.

Doctor puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about doctors that are also awesome doctor jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What did the balloon say to the doctor? I feel light headed.
  2. Why is a doctor always calm? They have a lot of patients.
  3. Why did the puzzle piece go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little jig-sore.
  4. What did the doctor tell the chicken with high cholesterol? Try to lay off eggs for a while.
  5. What did the nurse say when the doctor asked if she took the patient’s temperature? No, is it missing?
  1. Why did the mole doctor lose his job? Medical mole-practice.
  2. What did the vegetarian say to the doctor? I feel good. From my head, tomatoes.
  3. What did the doctor recommend when the gingerbread man’s knee was sore? Icing it.
  4. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it.
  5. What do you call Doctor Strange’s assistant in an elevator? Wong on so many levels.
  1. Why do shoes go to the doctors? To be heeled.
  2. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant.
  3. How does a witch-doctor ask someone to dance? Voodoo like to dance with me?
  4. What did the grain of salt say to the doctor? Doc I think I tore NACL.
  5. Why did the leg go to the doctor? He had a 102 degree femur.
  1. Why did the shy doctor call his wife a thoracic cavity? Because she kept his heart.
  2. Why did the robot ask the nurse to call the doctor immediately? Because it had a virus.
  3. What did the nurse say when the doctor decided to stay home? Suture self.
  4. What did the doctor say to the ill guacamole? You need an avoca-dose of medicine.
  5. What news did the duck get from the doctor? He had a perfect bill of health.
  1. Why did the Rubik’s cube go to the doctor? She was feeling all mixed up.
  2. What do you call a deer doctor? A hart surgeon.
  3. What did the fisherman do at the doctor’s office after accidentally swallowing some wormsHe waited on his diagnosis with baited breath.
  4. What did the doctor say to the man who had an elephant sitting on his brainIt looks like you have a lot on your mind.
  5. What did the skeleton doctor say when his patient had a high temperature? I’m afraid you’re running a femur.
Cartoon graphic of doctor looking happy on blue background.
  1. What is an Owls favorite TV show? Doctor Hoo.
  2. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URL-ologist.
  3. When should you take a Oreo cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy.
  4. What is Doctor Strange’s favorite pizza? Sorcerer’s Supreme, It’s cheesy, I know.
  5. What does the doctor say to an octopus who needs to lose weight? You need to go on a low-crab diet.
  1. Why did the lime visit the doctor? She wasn’t peeling well.
  2. What did Dracula say to the nurse? Please call the doctor. I can’t stop coffin.
  3. What did the rope say to the nurse? I have an appointment with the doctor, I have a knot in my stomach.
  4. Why did the mattress go to the doctors? It had a spring fever.
  5. How is a dance instructor different from a doctor? It all depends on how fluid they need your movements to be.
  1. What doctor also specializes in card games? The cardiologist.
  2. Why did the library book go to the doctor? It needed to be checked out.
  3. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship? Time to get your booster shot.
  4. Why did the bucket go the doctor? She was looking a bit pail.
  5. Why do doctors hate operating on pirates? Because they have crossedbones.
  1. Why did the book go to the doctor? Someone broke its spine.
  2. Why did the window go to the doctor? It had a lot of pane.
  3. Which doctor should you go to if you live underwater? A sturgeon.
  4. How did a banana end up at the emergency room in the hospital? He told the doctors his skin was peeling off.
  5. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? Are you seeing any change in me?
Cartoon graphic doctor with hand to her ear of on blue background.

Doctor one liners

Here are some great doctor joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about doctors.

  1. I thought chiropractors were a big hoax. But I stand corrected.
  2. My dermatologist was fired today. I’m told he made too many rash decisions.
  3. I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
  4. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. She told me to stop going to those places.
  5. I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says its terminal.
  1. When Chuck Norris was born the doctor asked him to name his parents.
  2. When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that it’s feeling very hill.
  3. My doctor’s a clown. Every time I see him, he tells me that laughter is the best medicine.
  4. My doctor insists that I should reduce my ground beef consumption. So be it, sea cows it is then.
  5. My doctor prescribed me a new medication. It’s called Fukitol. Unfortunately, the pharmacy had none left to give.
  1. Two different doctors worked together on my knee surgery. It was a joint operation.
  2. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
  3. The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.” The receptionist asks, “Have you ever seen a doctor yet?” To which the man replies, “No, just spots.”
  4. I visited the doctor, and he prescribed me a new diet plan, so I have decided to eat only bagels and donuts from today. My doctor has asked me to eat only hole foods.
  5. A man goes to see his doctor with jelly and cream coming out of his ear. The doctor says “you’re a trifle deaf”.
Cartoon graphic of a man holding lots of medicine at a pharmacy on a blue background.

Doctor doctor jokes

  1. Doctor Doctor, I can’t stop stealing chairs.” ‘Please, take a seat.
  2. Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
  3. “Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?” “Yes, of course.” “Great! I never could before!”
  4. “Doctor, doctor my wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” Man: “No, this is her husband!”
  5. “Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!” Doctor: “When did that happen?” “When did what happen?”
  1. “Doctor, doctor, I’m going to die in 59 seconds!” “Hang on, I’ll be there in a minute.”
  2. Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?” “Use a pencil until I come to see him.”
  3. Doctor, doctor. My nose runs and my feet smell.” I fear you might have been built upside down.
  4. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.” ‘How long has this been going on?” ‘Since I was a kid.
  5. Doctor, doctor I recently had an accident and lost three fingers on my right hand, will I still be able to write with it?’ ‘Probably! But I wouldn’t count on it.”
Cartoon graphic of doctor with hand out on blue background.

Best doctor jokes

These next funny doctor puns are some of our best jokes and puns about doctors!

  1. Why do doctors hit your knee? They get a small kick out of it.
  2. Why did the ghost go to the doctor? He needed a boo-ster shot.
  3. Why did Friday go to visit a doctor? He was week.
  4. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? A pair o’ docs.
  5. What did the doctor say to someone who stood on some lego bricks? Just block out the pain.
  1. What do you call a doctor who specializes in Adam’s apples? A guyneckologist
  2. Why did the lemon go to the doctor? It had a sour stomach.
  3. What did the witch say to the nurse? I need to see doctor, I had a dizzy spell.
  4. Who are the only people who don’t like doctor puns? People with an irony deficiency.
  5. What did the doctor tell the nurse after he made a mistake on the blood type record? He made a type O.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about doctors, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny job jokes, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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