100 Funny Bagel Jokes

Here are 100 funny bagel jokes and the best bagel puns to crack you up. These jokes about bagels are great bagel jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of bagel dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about bagels, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this bagel humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of boy and girl bagel smiling on blue background.

Bagel puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about bagels that are also awesome bagel jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream Cheese.
  2. What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts? Hole foods.
  3. Why do Seagulls hang out by the ocean? Because if they hung out by the bay, they’d be bagels.
  4. What is a Jamaican bagel called? Cinnamon.
  1. How do you give a bagel maximum security? Put lox on it.
  2. Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland? They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
  3. What food should you eat when travelling by air? A plain bagel.
  4. What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake? Bicarbonate of Yoda.
  5. What kind of a bagel did the smart man eat? He ate an everything special bagel.
  1. Are you a plane bagel? Because I like you with nothing on.
  2. Why are bagels religious? They’re very holy.
  3. Why shouldn’t you get a job in a bagel shop? It’s a crummy place to work.
  4. What should you do if a bagel is unwell? Spread it, then it will feel much butter.
  5. How do you prevent someone from stealing your bagel? You put lox on it.
  1. Why was everyone afraid of the everything bagel? Because he looked pretty seedy.
  2. What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
  3. What is a bagel’s favorite kind of girl? They like girls who have everything.
  4. When his friend was hit by a bus as he crossed the street, what did the bagel say? Oh, Crumbs.
  5. Why did the bagel feel sad? It was empty inside.
  1. What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel.
  2. What do you get if you cross a doughnut with a bagel? A hybread.
  3. How do you describe someone who stands on one foot, eats a bagel and a banana? A balanced breakfast.
  4. Which martial art is used to make bagels? Judo.
  5. Why was the bagel in a cage? It was bread in captivity.
  1. How did the bagel escape from jail? It picked the lox.
  2. What do you call a seagull which loves baked goods and only flies over a bay? Baygull.
  3. Did you hear about the tennis playing bagel? It was seeded.
  4. What do you deserve in life that is also a type of bagel? Everything.
  5. Why did the court not register the case against the bagels? Because there was a hole in the argument against them.
  1. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
  2. How do you look after a bagel? You raise it.
  3. What did the bagel say when it got run over? Crumnbs.
  4. Do you Like Bagels? Because You’re Bae-goals.
  5. Why was the bagel so lazy? It was slow to rise.
Cartoon graphic of 2 bagels, one is a half with tomato and lettuce on blue background.
  1. What does a bagel do when it is locked out of its house? Call a loxsmith.
  2. What’s a pilot’s favorite kind of bagel? Plain.
  3. The camper ate what kind of bagel? A winnebago.
  4. How many bagels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Toaster ovens don’t have light bulbs.
  5. What did the husband bagel tell his wife on their honeymoon? We are bae-goals.
  1. What do you call a bagel in fancy dress? A donut.
  2. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
  3. Why can’t blueberry bagels fly? Because, then they would be plane bagels.
  4. Why are they called seagulls? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels.
  1. Did you hear about the baker who was accused of stealing bagels? He told them they needed proof.
  2. What’s Mario’s favorite bagel flavor? Ses-a-ME. Mario.
  3. Why was the bagel called lazy? He was slow to rise.
  4. Why did the bagel go the bar? To get toasted.
  1. Why can’t blueberry bagels fly? Because, then they would be plane bagels.
  2. Why should you eat bagels with your parents? It’s a lovely experience for the hole family.
  3. What happens if you eat a bagel standing on one leg? You get a balanced breakfast.
  4. What did the bagel dough say to the lonely baker? It’s nice to be kneaded.
  5. Why it’s hard to trust bagels? Because they seem seedy at times.
  1. What is common in a greedy person and bagel? They both want everything.
  2. Why will bagels go to heaven? Because the bagels are holey.
  3. What did bagel say to the pastor having a big quarrel about purity and holiness? The bagel angrily replied, “I am holier than thou”.
  4. Why does no one like visiting a bagel shop? Because it is a very crumby place to work there.
  5. Why did bagel lose the election? Because he was, unfortunately, a part of the schmear campaign.
  1. Why Do Bagels love costume parties and dressing up on their favorite holiday? Because they have Halloween in the middle.
  2. Why does your dog look like a bagel? He’s pure-bread.
  3. What is common between analogies and bagels on a trampoline? They don’t always work.
  1. What was a huge conflict between bagels and donuts? Donuts claimed that their jobs were stolen by bagels. However, bagels contended that they needed something to earn their bread and butter.
  2. How do bagels celebrate? Whenever bagels celebrate, they propose a toast.
  3. What was the opinion of the croissants when they visited the zoo with bagels and donuts? They were of the opinion that it would be a lovely experience for the hole family.
  4. How many kinds of people are in this world? In this world, there are two kinds of people: those who love bagels and those who lie.
  5. What is the difference between bagels and donuts? Essentially, bagels are just acoustic donuts.
Cartoon graphic of 3 bagels hung on a string on blue background.
Cartoon graphic of bagel with face on blue background.

Best bagel jokes

These next funny bagel puns are some of our best jokes and puns about bagels!

  1. What’s Mario’s favorite bagel flavor? Ses-a-ME. Mario.
  2. What do you call a female bagel? Poppy.
  3. Why did the bagel lose the election? He was the victim of a schmear campaign.
  4. What’s the difference between Karate and Judo? Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.
  5. Why was the bagel so good at golf? It always got a hole in one.
  1. What did the bagel say when her friend got hit by a bus? Oh, crumbs.
  2. What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast? Excuse me, but I’d like to propose a toast.
  3. How do you hold a bagel back? You put lox on it.
  4. What do you call a bagel with wings? A plane bagel.
  5. What does a bagel call its grandfather? Poppy.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about bagels, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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