100 Jokes About Feet

Here are 100 funny feet jokes and the best feet puns to crack you up. These jokes about feet are great feet jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of feet dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about feet, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this feet humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of bare feet on blue background.

Feet puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about feet that are also awesome feet jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What happened when my mom asked me to change my dress? I had to put my foot down.
  2. What do you call a foot that always loses? De-feeted.
  3. Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks.
  4. What does a foot usually have for breakfast? Mushroom on toe-st.
  5. What happens when you injure your feet? They heel on their own.
  1. What would you need if you injured your feet in the middle of the road? A toe truck.
  2. What does a toe do when it snows a lot? It goes toe-bogganing.
  3. What would a Japanese foot have for dinner? Shoe shi.
  4. What is an astronaut’s foot called? A mistletoe.
  5. Which philosophers in the past were obsessed with their feet? Either Sock-rates or Pla-toe.
  1. What do you call a business started by a foot? A sole proprietorship.
  2. Why did one foot not get along with the other foot? Because both of them cannot be right.
  3. What is a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
  4. Why did the boy use his feet to pick up the paper that had fallen? Because his laziness was truly getting out of hand.
  5. How does an astronaut cut his toenails? Eclipse it.
  1. Why did my brother say he was having a bad day? Because he started on the wrong foot.
  2. What would you call a pair of shoes that you love? Toeriffic.
  3. Why did the boy give up the idea of skiing last minute? Because he got cold feet.
  4. What did my brother shout when I accidentally stepped on his foot? Mitosis.
  5. What is an Italian foot’s favorite dessert? Tiramishoe.
  1. Who does a dog visit when he breaks his foot? A pawdiatrist.
  2. Why does a podiatrist’s child always become a podiatrist? The child follows the dad’s footsteps. 
  3. Why do cows not have feet? Because they lac-toes.
  4. What happens when you play the piano with your feet? You hit the footnotes.
  5. Why do giraffes have long necks? Because their feet really stink.
  1. Why are kings always one foot tall? Because they are rulers.
  2. What does one foot say to another foot she loves? We are sole mates.
  3. How does a podiatrist charge his patients? By the foot.
  4. How do you know when someone is in love with a runner? They are swept off their feet.
  5. Why was the runner scared of living alone away from home? He was not sure if he could stand on his two feet.
  1. How does a frog feel when he breaks his foot? Unhoppy.
  2. Why can your arm not be 12 inches long? Because that will make it a foot then.
  3. How do feet greet each other for the first time? They say “Nice toe meet you!
  4. What did the mother tell her child when he was climbing a tree? “If you fall and break your feet, do not coming running to me.
  5. What is the foot capital of Canada? Toeronto.
Cartoon graphic of feet inside plastic slippers on blue background.
  1. What does a thief wear on his feet? Sneakers.
  2. Which candy does a foot like the most? Men-toes.
  3. What does a plumber wear on his feet? Tap shoes.
  4. Who can go to sleep with shoes on their feet? A horse.
  5. What do you call a Spanish man who is obsessed with his feet? Rober-toe.
  1. What do your feet do when they have to capture a memorable moment? They click a pho-toe.
  2. What did the innovator do when he created a new type of socks? He created a pro-toe-type.
  3. What do you call a dinosaur with smelly feet? Ex-stinked.
  4. Which chips do your feet probably love the most? Chee-toes.
  5. What do you call a dinosaur with a sore foot? Ankle-is-sore-us.
  1. What do you call a penguin who cannot dance? Unhappy feet.
  2. What do you call a man who does not have straight toes? Curl-i-toe.
  3. How do you think your feet communicate with each other? Using walkie talkies.
  4. Which chips do your feet like the most? Dori-toes.
  5. What do you say when a foot dies? May his sole rest in peace.
  1. What do frogs wear on their feet? Open toad sandals.
  2. Which chocolate do your feet probably like the most? Toe-blerone.
  3. Why do feet like ketchup so much? Because ketchup is made of toma-toes.
  4. Why do feet like taking ballet classes? It keeps them on their toes.
  5. Why did the child have such big feet? He says it runs in his family.
  1. What did the foot sing to his sister? Hey sole sister.
  2. What do peanuts wear on their feet? Cash-shoes.
  3. What do you call a man who has been stung on his foot by a bee? Toby.
  4. What does the foot call his mom’s brother? Ankle.
  5. What happened when the two feet were supposed to go on a date? One of them stood the other up.
  1. What did the foot say when it met its father’s brother for the first time? Pleased to meet you, ankle.
  2. What do you call a sandwich which you can only bend down and eat? A below-knee sandwich.
  3. What do you call a cow without toes? Lack-toes intolerant.
  4. What does the foot call his sister’s daughter? Knees.
  5. What does a foot have for breakfast? Jam and toe-st!
  1. What’s a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.
  2. What do toes say to each other at the end of the day? See you toe-morrow.
  3. What did the foot say to the football when they won the match? I toed you so.
  4. What is the most dangerous mountain in the world for your feet? Krakatoa.
  5. What does someone with two left feet wear as shoes? Flip-flips.
Cartoon graphic of feet being dipped into pool on blue background.

Feet one liners

Here are some great feet joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about feet.

  1. Burglars don’t really wear shoes; because they have to be quiet, they go for sneakers.
  2. I accidentally cut off most of my foot, but thankfully it’s almost all heeled.
  3. I am shoe-liously considering going on morning walks again.
  4. I hear that people with a foot fetish have a highly active socks life.
  5. My feet are leg-end-ary.
  1. Alligators can grow up to 22 feet. Usually they just grow four though.
  2. People are always telling me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to really put my foot down.
  3. If athletes get athlete’s foot, then surely soldiers get missile toe.
  4. I love your shoes, they are toe-riffic.
  5. My new shoes are toe-tally awesome.
  1. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop, it was really sole destroying.
  2. I dated my podiatrist for a little while, but it didn’t work out and we broke up. I guess we weren’t sole mates after all.
  3. I called my podiatrist’s practice to get an appointment, but they only do limp-ins.
  1. I was going to propose to my partner on the top of the ski hill, but I didn’t in the end because I got cold feet.
  2. My dad was a podiatrist, and so am I. I guess I followed in his footsteps.
  3. It’s really easy to surprise a duck, they’re often caught flat footed.
  4. I hate action figures with no feet, I really just can’t stand them.
Cartoon graphic of foot with face holding a ruler on blue background.

Best feet jokes

These next funny feet puns are some of our best jokes and puns about feet!

  1. What do you call a bit of your foot flying across the room? Missiletoe.
  2. Why didn’t Frosty the Snowman get married? He got cold Feet.
  3. Why does Big Foot walk with a limp? Because he’s not Big Feet.
  4. What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot.
  5. How deep does water have to be to be ankle deep? Two Feet.
  1. Why don’t dolphins have legs? It would de-feet the whole porpoise.
  2. What do grizzlies wear on their feet? Nothing, they go bear foot.
  3. Did you know centipedes have a faster top speed than humans? They run at 100 feet a second.
  4. What do you call a cow with no feet? Ground beef.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about feet, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny anatomy jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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