70 Funny Time Puns

Here are 70 funny time jokes and the best time puns to crack you up. These jokes about time are great jokes for kids and adults.

Cartoon graphic of an alarm clock and purple sand hourglass telling the time on a blue background.

Time puns

Here is our top list of time dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about time, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this time humor with others.

  1. What is another name for a grandfather clock? An old timer.
  2. What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time.
  3. What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea.
  4. Why couldn’t the clock be kept in jail? Because time was always running out.
  5. What do bakers tell their children at night? Bread-time stories.
  1. What’s the best time to see your dentist? Tooth-hurty.
  2. How does a witch tell the time? She looks at her witch watch.
  3. If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is it? Twenty after one.
  4. What are the best times to party? Daytime and night-time.
  5. How do you know that witches are carrying time bombs? You hear their brooms tick.
  1. What did the queen bee say to the worker bees? Time is honey.
  2. When is the best time to play chess? Knight time.
  3. Why did the kid put his clock in the oven? He wanted to have a hot time.
  4. What time is it when an elephant steps on your golf ball? Time to get a new ball.
  5. Why did the boy throw the clock out of the window? He wanted to see time fly.
  1. Why was the clock in a hurry? It was running out of time.
  2. What did mummy pasta say to baby pasta? It’s pasta your bedtime.
  3. What time do zombies wake up? At Ate O’Clock.
  4. How does Elon Musk’s wife call him to dinner? “Elon, time tweet.”
  5. Why did the mother needle get mad at the baby needle? It was past its thread time.
Cartoon graphic of a person on a laptop sitting on a giant hourglass counting time on a blue background.
  1. How is the patient after the colonoscopy? He’s fine now but at the time it rectum.
  2. Why did man shoot the alarm clock? Because he felt like killing time.
  3. Who always says his name 1½ times? James Bond.
  4. Why can’t you go fishing if your watch is broken? Because you don’t have the time.
  5. How does Bigfoot always leave parties at the right time? He always know wendigo.
  1. What time do tennis players go to bed? Tennish.
  2. What’s the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
  3. Why didn’t the cake make it on time to the party? It was choco-LATE.
  4. Did you hear about the snail who robbed a clock shop? She took a lot of time.
  5. Why do the clothes in Beauty and the Beast look so old-fashioned? Tailors old as time.
  1. What time is it when you sit on a pin? Spring time.
  2. Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell.
  3. What does the space needle sew? The fabric of space time.
  4. What do you call it when you put a clock under your desk? Working overtime.
  5. Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.
  1. How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
  2. Where do the best mathematicians live? Times Square.
  3. What time of day is it best to have sushi? Sun-rice.
  4. What do you call a donkey that keeps time? An hourgl-ass.
  5. Why did the bowler have another game? She had time to spare.
Cartoon graphic of 3 people around a large calendar symbolizing time on a blue background.

Time one liners

Here are some great time joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about time.

  1. Daylight savings time is some really shady accounting.
  2. I have fallen in love with a font. It’s a bit of a Times New Romance.
  3. I don’t need daylight saving time to show up to work an hour late.
  4. A pocket watch is best for people who don’t like to have time on their hands.
  5. Einstein developed a theory about space. About time too.
  1. Hands down, 6:30 is the best time on the clock.
  2. For sale: Clock with half a face. Limited time only.
  3. 11:59:59 am is my favorite time of day. It’s second to noon.
  4. I held up my wall clock to the mirror. It was time for reflection.
  5. If you see a billboard with a picture of a wall clock on it, it’s a sign of the times.
  1. It’s only a matter of time before clocks take over the world.
  2. They are finally making a movie about clocks. It’s about time.
  3. Daylight saving time means the clock in my car is finally correct again.
  4. My husband got me a timer clock out of the blue. I was alarmed.
  5. Eating a clock is really time-consuming if you go for seconds.
  1. Time waits for no man. But always waits for Chuck Norris.
  2. If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun. I’d have toucans
  3. One time my Mom said, “Put this towel in its place” So I pointed at it and yelled, “Don’t forget you’re nothing but a towel.
  4. If I got 2 bucks every time my daughter gave her Barbie a haircut, I’d have a lot of doll hairs.
  5. I don’t know why I have such a hard time putting on a scarf? I just can’t wrap my head around it.
Cartoon graphic of 3 people standing around devices standing around a giant clock representing time on a blue background.

Best time jokes

These next funny time puns are some of our best jokes and puns about time!

  1. When do astronauts eat? Launch time.
  2. What farm animal tells the time? A watch dog.
  3. What would a clock look like with no numbers? Timeless.
  4. Why do rich people buy a lot of clocks? Because time is money.
  5. Why did the girl sit on the clock? She just wanted to be on time.
  1. How does a yeti tell the time? With a sasq-watch.
  2. What happens if you wear a watch on a plane? Time flies.
  3. Why is Frosty never late? Time waits for snowman.
  4. What’s the best time to go to the bathroom? Poo-thirty.
  5. Lost my Rolex during a roller coaster ride. Time flies when you’re having fun.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about time, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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