100 Jokes About Hats

Here are 100 funny hat jokes and the best hat puns to crack you up. These jokes about hats are great hat jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of hat dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about hats, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this hat humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of jester hat and silly face on blue background.

Hat puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about hats that are also awesome hat jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What do you call a lion with a cool hat? A dandy-lion.
  2. What do you call a leg wearing a hat? A knee cap.
  3. What does a hat salesman drink to get him going in the morning? A cappuccino.
  4. Why was the guy wearing his golf hat at the office? Cause he was promoted to super-visor.
  5. What does a witch say when it can’t decide which one to wear? Witch hat?
  1. What do Zombies think when they see someone with a red hat and no mask? That’s a no brainer.
  2. What did they call the guy who sold several fashionable hat companies for an incredibly large sum of money? A multi-milliner.
  3. What did the hat say to the tie? You hang around and I’ll go a-head.
  4. Which kind of snake wears a hard hat during the day? A boa constructor.
  5. What do you call a sad hat? A somber-ero.
  1. Have you seen my hat? I can’t think on top of my head.
  2. Why did the man enjoy his matted wool hat? Cause it felt great.
  3. Why are hat jokes the hardest to understand? Because they always go right over your head.
  4. How do you know a hat belongs to a little drummer boy? It has a proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom.
  5.  What does a tin foil hat protect the nerdy guy from? Getting a date.
  1. Do you know what animals love hats? All animals that lay eggs because they have to hat-ch.
  2. Why was the blonde wearing a tin foil hat? Cause it was her thinking cap.
  3. Which hat-wearing should singer loved to perform in Paris? Beret White.
  1. How did the balding guy keep his new toupee a secret? He kept it under his hat.
  2. What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots? Tyrannosaurus Tex.
  1. What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying “tick tick tick”? A metro-gnome.
  2. What did the toupee say to the hat? Cover me, I’m going on ahead.
  3. Which kind of knitted hat do grocery store workers wear while replenishing shelves? Stocking caps.
  4. If every hat is a top hat what is a bottom hat? A shoe.
  5. What is the stupidest fashion statement you can wear on your head? A dunce cap.
  1. What does a balding magician have in his hat? Hare.
  2. What was the Cat In the Hat doing on the toilet? Thing one and thing two.
  3. What does a cactus wear to a big business meeting? A fedora and a cac-tie.
  4. Why did the investment banker always wear a hat? Cause he was a true capitalist.
Cartoon graphic of turkey wearing a hat on blue background.
  1. What do you call a hat that is frequently online? A cyber-hat
  2. Why do baseball players wear fabric caps? Because football helmets are not aerodynamic.
  3. What did the magician say just before he pulled a dead rabbit out of his hat? Abra Cadaver.
  4. What time is it when a hippo sits on your hat? Time for a new hat.
  5. Did you know you can make a hat out of any ship? You just flip it over, that way its capsized.
  1. Why should you be careful when trusting men wearing hats? Cause they’re always trying to cover something up.
  2. Why did the guy wear a party hat on his knee? The bonehead thought it would be funny.
  3. Small men like to wear pointy red hats., true or fales? True. It’s a little gnome fact.
  4. In which semi-arid region do the most people wear hats? Cappadocia, Turkey.
  5. What kind of hats do craft beers wear? Bottle caps.
  1. What’s another name for a computer hacker? A black hat. 
  2. What did the hat say to the shoe? I’ll go on a head, you just pace yourself.
  1. What do the simplers thinkers have in common? They think nothing more than the hat on their head. 
  2. What would you say after removing the hat of another person? You are de–cap–tivated.
  3. Which football player wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head.
  4. Why did the bell ringer wear a can on his head on Christmas? He said it was a merry can. 
  5. What do you call an octopus with a hat? An octopus with a hat of course.
  1. Why did the old nun still wear the same hat to church since 1961? It was just a dirty habit.
  2. Why does our best hockey player wear a hat not a helmet? He wants to score a hat-trick. 
  3. Why does the hen like wearing beanies? Because it needs to hat-ch its eggs.
  1. Why won’t a witch wear a flat cap? Because there is no point in it.
  2. Did you hear about a man who got arrested for stealing hats? He hat it coming.
  3. Which kind of hat is served for dessert at Paris cafes? Blue beret pie.
  1. Why do pirates put off shopping for a new hat? They prefer to avoid cap-sizing.
  2. Which actress dislikes hats? Anne Hat-away.
  3. What did the hat say to the scarf? “You will hang around there, and I will go on ahead.
Cartoon graphic of angry animal wearing a crown on blue background.
Cartoon graphic of witch hat with a winking face on blue background.

Best hat jokes

These next funny hat puns are some of our best jokes and puns about hats!

  1. Who wears the biggest hat in the army? The one with the biggest head.
  2. Why was the football player wearing a hat? Because she wants to score a hat– trick
  3. What kind of hats do penguins wear? Polar ice caps.
  4. What does a car‘s fuel tank wear when it’s cold outside? A gas cap.
  5. What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head while I give these two a lift.
  1. What’s a good way to avoid being sad? Imagine a rhinoceros trying to wear a hat. 
  2. Why did Grandpa lose his hat? Hmm, that’s a real head scratcher.
  3. What did the sock say to the hat? You go on a head, I’ll follow on foot.
  4. Why was the blonde wearing a hat shaped like a grave tombstone? Cause she had her hair died.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about hats, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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