65 Funny Pirate Jokes

Here are 65 funny pirate jokes and the best pirate puns to crack you up. These jokes about pirates are great pirate jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of pirate dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about pirates, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this pirate humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of a short smiling pirate with an eyepatch, sword and hook hand on a blue background.

Pirate puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about pirates that are also awesome pirate jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What has 6 legs and 6 eyes? 6 pirates.
  2. What do you call a pirate with three eyes? Piiirate.
  3. Why couldn’t the bullet leave the pirate’s gun? Because it got stuck in a barrel.
  4. Why did I fall in love with a pirate? Because he stole me hearty.
  5. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate? Because he was standing on the deck.
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of fish? A swordfish.
  2. Why are pirates so good at singing? Because they can hit the high C’s.
  3. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of food? BARRR-B-Q.
  4. Why do doctors hate operating on pirates? Because they have crossedbones.
  5. Why are maths teachers secretly pirates? Because they’re always trying to find X.
  1. What do pirates wear in the winter? Long Johns.
  2. What is it called when a pirate sets his own ship on fire? Argh-son.
  3. What do you call a pirate with no arms and no legs? An expert pirate.
  4. Why aren’t whales afraid of pirates? They like being made to walk the plankton.
  5. What does pirate Santa say? Row row row.
  1. Why was the pirate ship so cheap? It was on sail.
  2. What type of haircut does a pirate get? A crew cut.
  3. How did the pirate find out he needed glasses? He took an aye exam.
  4. What website do pirates use to sell their homemade crafts? Atsy.
  5. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C.
Cartoon graphic of a young boy and girl pirate on a blue background.
  1. What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
  2. How did the pirate call his mate? On his aye phone.
  3. Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop.
  4. What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument? The guitarrrr.
  5. If Steve Jobs was a pirate, what would he wear? An iPatch.
  1. What was the pirate boxer’s biggest strength? His left hook.
  2. Why do pirates avoid mountain roads? Because they are so Scurvy.
  3. What’s a pirates favorite part of a song? The hook.
  4. What do you call a pirate with 2 arms and 2 legs? A rookie.
  5. What part of a pirate ship are parrots not welcome? The crow’s nest.
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank.
  2. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Captain Hooky.
  3. Why do pirates put off shopping for a new hat? They prefer to avoid cap-sizing.
  4. How much does a pirate pay for cornA buccaneer.
  5. What is even scarier to pirates than sharks? Plank-ton.
  1. What’s a pirates favorite type of music? Rum & Bass.
  2. What do you call 3.14 men out at sea? ‘Pi’-rates.
  3. What’s a parrot’s favorite game? Hide and speak.
  4. How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye.
  5. Why did the pirate have to get a wooden leg? Because he had such bad arghthritis. 
  1. What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess? Check matey.
  2. Who gets all their movies for free? Pirates.
  3. Where do the pirate children go to learn? Skull.
  4. What drink do pirate’s prefer even more than rum? Port.
  5. What does a pirate do before working out at the gymChanges in Davy Jones’s locker room.
Cartoon graphic of a pirate with a wooden leg on a barrel and holding a pirate flag on blue background.

Pirate one liners

Here are some great pirate joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about pirates.

  1. The ocean never says anything to the pirates. It just waves.
  2. I had to talk to the pirate yesterday. We made aye to aye contact.
  3. You’d think a pirate’s favorite letter is R yet their hearts all belong to the C.
  4. Pirates save on a lot of money when they shop. They always go to second-hand shops.
  5. The pirate wore a pant and suit for the first time. He looked like he had dressed for a cor-pirate meeting.
  1. 3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.
  2. Three pirates walk into a cinema. Sorry, we don’t allow pirating here.
  3. Pirates are breathing the salty sea air all year long. They have to be very careful about res-pirat-ory problems.
  4. Pirates are always very healthy. They never have a deficiency of Vitamin sea.
  5. Pirates always get everything at lower prices. The reason being, they always shop on sail.
Cartoon graphic of a pirate on a very small island with his treasure chest on a blue background.

Best pirate jokes

These next funny pirate puns are some of our best jokes and puns about pirates!

  1. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrr.
  2. What does Santa pirate say at Christmas? Yo ho ho.
  3. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy? Termites.
  4. What’s a pirate ghost’s favorite kind of teaBoo-tea.
  5. What’s a pirates favorite fish dish? Pieces of skate.
  1. What do you call an angry Captain? P-irate.
  2. What did the pirate wear on Halloween? A pumpkin patch.
  3. Why did the pirate buy an eye patch? Because he couldn’t afford an iPad.
  4. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
  5. What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the freezer? Shiver me timbers.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about pirates, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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