Here are our top 30 funny jokes to crack you up. These hilarious jokes are my favorites for 2023. I have added in a mix of both long-form and shorter jokes so there's something for everyone!
Long Form Jokes
These are my favorite longer jokes for the year. If you have any clean and funny jokes to add, please leave a comment below! I'd love to read them.
- A boy and his father were eating an apple. As the father took another big bite of his apple, the boy started to speak. The father held out a finger to silence him. Once the father and the boy finished their mouthfuls, the father said, "You shouldn't talk with your mouth full, son. Now, what was it that you wanted to tell me?" The boy replied, "I wanted to tell you there was a worm in your apple!
- A rabbit walked into a café and asked the owner, "Do you have carrot cake?" The owner replied, "No, sorry." The rabbit left. The next day it came in again and asked, "Do you have carrot cake?" The owner replied again, "No, sorry." This continued for a few more days until the owner decided to finally make a carrot cake. When the rabbit came in the following day and asked, "Do you have carrot cake?" the owner excitedly said, "Yes!" to which the rabbit replied, "It's gross, eh!"
- During a recent password check, someone was found using this very long password “BatmanRobintThorHulkSpidermanSupermanWashingtonDC’
When asked why they used such a long password, they replied that it had to be at least 6 characters long and include at least one capital.
- After ten long years of study, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting, "Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!" Einstein rolls his eyes and says, "It's about time.
- My friend got caught for tax evasion and had to go to court and she thought that she had a really good lawyer who could help her with this case and maybe reduce any jail time that was going to come of it, but unfortunately, this wasn't the case, and she was given 35 years without any chance of parole. Sheesh, that sentence was too long!
- My friend and I were deciding where to go on holiday, and they kept insisting on Switzerland. I know they're not into skiing, so I asked them, "Why are you so keen on Switzerland?" They replied, "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!
- A boy goes into a Mexican restaurant and spots a bag of cheese on the floor. He runs over to pick it up, but the waiter stops him. When the boy asks why, the waiter explains, "You can’t have that. It’s nacho cheese.
- My son took his date to his high school prom. He wanted to get a suit for the occasion and pick her a corsage. There was a big line at the florist, so he had to wait for ages, and then the same thing happened when he was getting his suit. When he finally got to the prom, his date asked for a cup of punch, so my son went to grab it. This time he came back quickly. There was no punchline.
- My friend had painters come to his house for some work. He wanted them to paint his porch. After a day of painting, the painters came and asked for their payment. When they left, one of them said to my friend, “The paint job went really well, but you do know you’ve got a Tesla, right? Not a Porsche!”
- My husband told me he was painting the house today while I was at work. When I came home, it looked pretty good, but I saw him sweating inside, wearing two ski jackets! When I asked him why he was wearing those, he said, "The paint can said, for best results, use two coats."
Here are a few more long jokes to have up your sleeve!
- Three friends went on a hunting trip over the weekend and set up camp in the woods. The first friend said, "I will go out and see what I can catch first and come back." They came back with a rabbit.
The other two said, "Wow, how did you get that?" The friend replied, "Easy, I found the tracks, followed the tracks, and got this rabbit." The second friend gave it a go too and came back with a deer. His two friends were amazed, and he replied, "Easy, I found the tracks, followed the tracks, and got this deer."
Now it was the third friend's turn, and they set off. Unfortunately, they were gone for hours and hours, and when they finally came back, they were muddy and exhausted. When the others asked what happened, they replied, "Well, I found the tracks, followed the tracks, and nearly got hit by a train!"
- A little brother walks into a room. The older brother whispers to his friend, "Watch, I'll show you how dumb my brother is." Holding a ten-dollar bill in one hand and five half-dollar coins in the other, he asks the little brother, "Which do you want?" The little brother takes the coins and leaves. "Told you," said the older brother. Later, the friend sees the little brother coming out of a candy tore. "Why’d you take the coins instead of the bill?" he asks. The little brother, holding his candy grins: "The day I take the bill, the game’s over!"
- A man goes to a lawyer and asks about his fees. The lawyer replies, "I charge $100 for three questions." "That's pretty expensive, isn't it?" the man says. "Yes, it is," the lawyer replies. "Now, what's your final question?"
- A little girl was at the zoo with her father. They were in front of the tiger exhibit, and the father explained how ferocious the tigers were. "Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up..." "Yes, darling?" the father asked, ready to console his child. Which bus should I take home?
- At a company meeting, the boss exclaimed, "If anyone believes they're unimportant to this organization, please step forward!"
After a few seconds, John hesitantly stepped forward. The boss asked, "Why do you feel you're unimportant, John?"
John replied, "I don't, sir. But I felt bad seeing you stand there alone."
These funny jokes are quick and easy to remember!
- Two atoms bump into each other. One says, "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I’m absolutely positive!"
- A cat sat on a computer. The human said, "You must get off, you can’t press any keys!" The cat replied, "Don’t worry, I’m just here for the mouse.
- A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don’t serve your kind here!" The string goes outside, tousles his ends, and ties himself up. He walks back in and the bartender asks, "Aren’t you the same guy from before?" The string answers, "no, I’m a-frayed knot!
- At a dinner party, a man went up four times to the dessert bar to get more dessert. His wife asked him, 'Aren't you embarrassed going up there so many times?' The man replied, 'Why would I be? I keep telling people it's for you.'"
- A manager reprimanded an employee and asked him " Why are you never at your desk?" The employee replied, "Well, as they say, good employees are hard to find!"
Funny one liners
Here are some funny one-liners that you can quip whenever someone is in need of some short jokes.
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
- I started a new job as a tailor last week. It’s been sew-sew.
- I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me.
- I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line.
- Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
- I invented a new word. Plagiarism.
- I would never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them
- I'm celebrating 200 years of the buffalo. It's the bison-tennial.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
- I spotted a cougar at the zoo today. Now it looks like a leopard.
After reading through all these funny clean jokes, we hope you had a good laugh and found some new favorite jokes to share with others.
If you want to hear more funny jokes, then check out these other great lists of funny puns: