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100 Jokes About Avocado

Here are 100 funny avocado jokes and the best guacamole puns to crack you up. These jokes about avocado are great avocado jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of avocado dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about avocado, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this avocado humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of avocado doing peace signs on blue background.

Avocado puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about avocado that are also awesome avocado jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. How do you know when avocado’s need to go to rehab? Because they’ll be avocontrol.
  2. What is an avocado’s favorite type of guitar? Guac-oustic.
  3. What did the taco say to the guacamole? Avocado crush on you.
  1. What do you call lawyers for the guacamole industry? Advocateos.
  2. What’s an avocado’s favorite musical theater song? It’s a Hard Guac Life.
  3. What did the avocado half say to the other avocado half?  Without you, I’m empty inside.
  4. How did the guacamole get to outer space? On a rocket chip.
  5. What do you call an avocado with facial hair? Avocamo’s
  1. What do you get when you cross an avocado with The Jungle Book? Guacamowgli.
  2. How do you know when guacamole has gone bad? When it turns guaca-moldy.
  3. What do chemists make guacamole out of? Avogadros
  4. Why are avocados so great at herding sheepA lot of them are Shepards.
  5. What did the daddy avocado say to the baby avocado? You’re a chip off the guac.
  1. What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty? We’ve hit guac bottom.
  2. How do tortilla chips say goodbye?  See you later avo-gator. In a while guac-odile.
  3. What do you call an avocado that’s giving you the silent treatment? An incommunicado.
  1. What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole? Playing Devil’s Avocado.
  2. What do you call an avocado that’s been blessed by Pope Francis? Holy Guacamole.
  3. What did the optimistic avocado say to the pessimistic avocado? It’s avoca-do, not avoca-don’t.
  4. What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?  You are all I avo wanted.
  5. What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together? Avocabros.
  1. Why do avocados not like catching public transport? Because they av’-a-car-do.
  2. What do you get if you cross an avocado with a radio?  A guakie-talkie.
  3. Why did the two avocados break up? One said the other was a good kind of fat.
  4. what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce? one guacamole
  5. What do you call a weird situation between avocados? Guac-ward.
  1. How do you know when two avocados are in love? Because they’ll avocuddle whenever they av’ a chance.
  2. What do you call a bad avocado? Green spirited.
  3. Why did the principal expel the avocado from high school? His grades were absolutely pit-iful.
  4. What do drunk avocados say to their friends at house parties? Let’s get smashed!
  5. What do you call a good looking avocado? Fruit as a button.
Cartoon graphic of avocado with hands on hips on blue background.
  1. What did the bride say to her groom at the alter? I avoca-do.
  2. What is an avocado’s favourite game? Guac-a-mole.
  3. What do you call an avocado with cool puffy frizzy hair? Afrocado.
  4. What is an avocado’s favourite way to meet new people? At pear to pear networks.
  5. What kind of exercise do avocados do best? Avo-cardio.
  1. Did you hear about the avocado army that invaded a dining table? They gua-ccupied the bowl.
  2. How do you tell an avocado from an octopus? An octopus has eight legs.
  3. What does a duck say after he’s eaten an avocado? Guac. Guac.
  4. What do avocados come packaged in? Avocardboard.
  5. Why do ducks like avocados? They love to make quackamole.
  1. How do you make an avocado tactical? You turn it into GuacaMOLLE.
  2. What did the angry gang of cutlery say to the avocado? He is too soft. Let’s smash him to a guac.
  3. What did the tortilla chip say to the mummy, daddy and baby avocado? Good things come in trees.
  4. What do you get if you cross paper with guacamole? Avocad-board.
  5. How do you know if an avocado is angry with you? They will tell you to guac off.
  1. What do you get if you cross an avocado with a horrible insect? A guac-roach.
  2. What is an avocados favorite Star Wars movie character? Jabbacado
  3. How did that avocado baker make bread? With avoca-dough.
  4. How does the guacamole fairy tale end?  Happily avo after.
  5. What did the guacamole say to the avocado? RUN.
  1. How do little avocados get what they want? They spread it on thick.
  2. What did the doctor say to the poorly guacamole?  You need an avoca-dose of medicine.
  3. What type of events do avocados go to when they want to find love? Seed dating.
  4. How do you know if two avocados are soul mates? They’re the perfect avocouple.
  5. What did the avocado aliens say when they landed on earth? Resistance is fruit-ile.
  1. What do you say when the guacamole is ready? Chip, chip, hooray.
  2. What happens when you put guacamole in a zip-lock bag? It suffocados.
  3. How many atoms are in guacamole? Avocados number.
  4. Why do avocados make such terrible friends? Because they are the pits
  5. Why was the avocado followed by the paparazzi? He was a guac star.
  1. Where did the rich avocado parents send their daughter? To a private guacademy.
  2. How can you tell if an avocado is jealous? He goes green.
  3. Was your guacamole salad good? Yes, it was avocado this world.
  4. What is an avocado’s favorite type of music? Guac and roll.
  5. How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish? Avo cuatro.
Cartoon graphic of smiling avocado on blue background.

Avocado one liners

Here are some great guacamole jokes one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about guacamole.

  1. The leading bishop in the Catholic Church of avocados is called an avocardinal.
  2. To make an avocado disappear, say “Avocadabra!”
  3. Avocado’s favorite coffee beverage…affogato. 
  4. I have a great relation-chip with my guacamole.
  1. Got myself into a sticky situation with an avocado; I was stuck between a guac and a hard place.
  2. I think my soulmate might be avocado toast.
  3. I tried to put so much dip on my chip, it broke in half. It was guac-ward.
  4. I’m not ripe in the head until I’ve had my avocado.
  5. You can’t judge any avocado until you guac-a-mile in his shoes.
  1. You can’t make everyone happy, you are not an avocado. 
  2. The older you get, the better you get.. unless you’re an avocado. 
  3. Accidentally got some avocado in my eyes and now I think I have guac-oma.
  4. Avocados are good fat like boobs.
  5. Guacamole and I want to take a road trip across America… We don’t avocado.
  1. This avocado is so fresh it has an aunty and uncle in Bel-Air.
  2. I got a promotion in my job at the avocado farm. It was a move in the ripe direction.
  3. I went for a drive with an avocado but he was going really slow so I told him to guac-celerate.
  4. You can’t make everyone happy, you’re not an avocado.
  5. I developed a game where you feed avocados to small subterranean mammals, It’s called Guacamole.
Cartoon graphic of avocado lighting weights on blue background.

Best avocado jokes

These next funny avocado puns are some of our best jokes and puns about avocados!

  1. What do avocados say in a tricky situation? I’m stuck between a guac and a hard place.
  2. What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of? Avocado pickers.
  3. What do robots have with their guacamole?  Computer chips.
  4. What did the fruit say at the civil rights rally? Avocado (I’ve got a) dream.
  5. How did the toast hit on the avocado? By saying “I want you on top of me.”
  1. What is an avocados favourite Australian movie? Guac-adile Dundee
  2. What did the avocado do at the wedding? Make a toast.
  3. What did the avocado say after a pleasant hotel stay? Thank you for your hass-pitality.
  4. What did guacamole sing to sea salt and lime? Avocado (I’ve got a) blank space baby.
  5. What do you say when the guacamole tastes perfect?  Bravocado.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about avocados, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny food jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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