85 Funny Guitar Jokes

Here are 85 funny guitar jokes and the best guitar puns to crack you up. These jokes about guitars are great guitar jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of guitar dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about guitars, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this guitar humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of boy playing guitar on blue background.

Guitar puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about guitars that are also awesome guitar jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. Why can’t Woody play his guitar? He doesn’t know where his Pixar.
  2. What does a guitar player do to ensure that their guitar doesn’t get stolen anytime? They store it in a bass case.
  3. Why couldn’t the fisherman play his guitar? Because he lost his tuna.
  4. How many guitarists does it take to play Stairway to Heaven? Apparently all of them.
  5. What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar? Ginny Hendrix.
  1. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just steal somebody else’s light.
  2. What is the best way to describe a guitar that never finishes its work at the office? It’s a quitar.
  3. How many electric guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change it and four to discuss how Eric Clapton would have done it.
  4. What is the difference between a rock guitarist, and a jazz guitarist? One plays three chords in front of thousands of people, the other plays thousands of chords in front of three people.
  5. What do you call a guitarist that never finishes a job? A guitar.
  1. How does a guitar player change a light bulb? He lies on the bed so that the room is spinning around it.
  2. What is the best and ideal way to invite a guitarist to a party? You should always invite them chordially.
  3. How do you make a chain saw sound like an electric guitar? Add vibrato.
  4. How do you understand that a guitarist is extremely worried? When he starts to fret a lot.
  5. What do vacuum cleaners and electric guitars have in common? When you plug them in, they suck.
  1. How do you reduce wind drag on a guitarist’s car? Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.
  2. When guitarists die, why are they buried 6 feet under? This is because guitarists are really nice people deep down.
  3. How can you tell when a guitarist is out of tune? His hands are moving.
  4. What’s God’s favorite chord? Gsus.
  5. What’s the difference between a Jazz bassist & a large Pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four.
  1. Why do guitarists leave their guitar cases on the dashboard of their car? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  2. What did the guitar say to the guitarist? Pick on someone your own size.
  3. What do you throw to a drowning guitarist? His guitar case.
  4. Why was the amateur guitarist licking his guitar? Because he wanted to increase his taste in music.
  5. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just steal somebody else’s light.
  1. How do you make a guitarist turn his amp down? Put the sheet music in front of him.
  2. Why don’t bass players tell blonde jokes? They don’t understand them.
  3. Why was the guitarist arrested and charges pressed against him? Because he had held back A minor.
  4. What do a cup of coffee and Eric Clapton have in common? They both suck without Cream.
  5. What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend? Homeless.
  1. How do you know it’s a guitarist at the door? He starts arguing with the door.
  2. Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield? It was music to his ears.
  3. Why did they call the new guy the prison guitarist? He was always behind a few bars and can never find the right keys.
  4. How do you make your mum drive really fast? Put your guitar in the middle of the road.
  5. Why was the famous guitarist extremely anxious and tired? Because he was strung out.
Cartoon graphic of giraffe playing guitar on blue background.
  1. Why was the guitarist late for work? He got caught in a jam.
  2. Why was the cow in the jungle rock band? Because he was the only moosician, who could play the guitar.
  3. What kind of fish plays the guitar? A bassist.
  4. Why did Motley fire the new guitarist? He needed a Crue cut.
  5. How does a guitarist greet another guitarist? I’m better than you.
  1. What kind of cheese does a guitar enjoy in his sandwich? String cheese.
  2. What is the difference between a savings bond and a guitarist? Eventually a savings bond will mature and earn money.
  3. What is the perfect weight for a punk rock guitarist? 3 and a half pounds including the urn.
  4. How does a guitar player show up for practice? Drunk and late as usual.
  5. How do you get a million dollars? Start with 2 million and try to make a living playing the guitar.
  1. Why are so many guitar players jokes one-liners? So the rest of the band can understand them.
  2. What’s the range for an electric guitar? About 20 yards if you have a good throwing arm.
  3. What do you call two electric guitarists trying to play in unison? Counterpoint.
  4. What do you call a guitar player with half a brain? Gifted.
  5. Why did the lead guitar player carry a gigantic ladder to the concert? Because he badly wanted to hit the high notes correctly.
  1. What does the radio host say to their guitar every night? Stay tuned.
  2. What is the first sign you’re hallucinating? Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.
  3. What’s the definition of an optimist? A guitarist with a mortgage.
  4. How do you make an electric guitar sound like an acoustic guitar? Sit in the back and don’t play.
  5. Why do lead guitarists walk around the stage when they play? To get away from the sound.
  1. What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords? A music critic.
  2. What is the definition of an optimist? A guitar player with a business card.
  3. What can I get for a dollar? You can become the greatest bass player in the world.
  4. What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise …”
  5. How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist? He’ll tell you.
Cartoon graphic of cactus playing guitar on blue background.

Guitar one liners

Here are some great guitar jokes one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about guitars.

  1. A friend is in a sea themed rock band and he’s going to tuna guitar.
  2. Guitars are the most depressed instruments because they’re always getting picked on.
  3. I messed up during a guitar recital and I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it turned out to be A Major mistake.
  4. There are a million women in the world but a guitar player always has his pick.
  5. I used to be in a very heavy metal band. I played a lead guitar.
  1. I used to hate my guitar lessons I always fretted going to them.
  2. A programmer’s favorite music note is C# .
  3. I always write sad music with my guitar I guess that’s why they call it a fretboard.
  4. Marriage is like playing the guitar. It looks easy until you try it.
  5. Used guitar for sale, no strings attached.
  1. The violin is my mistress, but the guitar is my master.
  2. I’m OK at guitar but I can’t pick up the piano.
  3. My friends are like my guitar, I don’t have a guitar.
  4. A child told his mother “When I grow up I’m going to be a guitarist.” and mother responded, “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”
  5. My wife likes to crochet and plays the guitar, so she’s a real knit picker.
Cartoon graphic of yellow duck playing electric guitar on blue background.

Best guitar jokes

These next funny guitar puns are some of our best jokes and puns about guitars!

  1. What do you call a guitar moving? Walk and roll.
  2. What do you call a bass player that only knows two chords? A professional.
  3. Why was the guitar player arrested? Because they got in treble.
  4. What do you call a female police officer who plays the guitar? SHE RIFF.
  5. Does Freddie know how to play guitar? No, but Brian may.
  1. What kind of cheese is really good at guitar? Shreddar.
  2. What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar? Finger prince.
  3. Why did the rock star put his guitar in the fridge? Because he wanted to play cool music.
  4. The notes G, Bb & D walk into a bar. The barman says, “No minors.”
  5. Why did Darth Vader search the guitar shop? To find the hidden rebel bass.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about guitars, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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