Wake up and smell the puns! For all the caffeine aficionados out there, I’ve poured my love for coffee and wordplay into this collection. Dive in and let the brew-tiful humor percolate through.
About The Jokes
Hi! I’m Che, and this is your go-to spot for the finest coffee puns and jokes brewed to perfection. Whether they’re handpicked by me or shared by fellow caffeine enthusiasts like you, I’m always updating this list to ensure these jokes at the cream of the crop.
If a pun doesn’t quite hit the spot or if you have a fresh one to share, drop a note in the comments or contact me. With your support, we’re grinding our way to the top spot for coffee humor.
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Step into my carefully curated collection of rich and aromatic coffee puns. Make sure you have a coffee in hand as you read these, as I had many coffees while making this the best coffee pun list possible.
- What do you call a sad coffee? A Despresso.
- Where do birds go for coffee? To the Nestcafe.
- What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.
- What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee? Mugging.
- Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
- What’s the best Beatles song about coffee? Latte Be.
- What do brave coffee grounds do? They take the plunge.
- How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
- How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage? One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.
- What did the barista say when asked to make oat milk latte with cinnamon? I’ll give it my best shot.
- Why did the cup of coffee lift the milk jug? It was a strong coffee
- What did the coffee say when he was teased? Don’t mocha me.
- What do cats use to make coffee? A purr-colator.
- Why is coffee like mud? Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
- What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it.
- Why was the instant cup of coffee so rude? He had no filter.
- What did the coffee lawyer say to the boiling water? We’ll kettle this in court.
- Where do bad cups of coffee go when they die? To perca-tory.
- What do you call it when you have the same coffee? Déjà brew.
- What do you call it when you accidentally put Vietnamese noodles in a coffee mug instead of a bowl? A pho cup.
- Why was the cup of coffee near the top of the class? She was a b-average.
- How are coffee beans like kids? They’re always getting grounded.
- What do cups of coffee say when they see a friend? How are you doing percolately?
- How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
- What do crabs order when they go to a coffee shop? Crab-uccino.
- Why should you never make fun of a barista? They will roast you
- Why couldn’t the woman throw her coffee plunger away? It had sedimental value
- What did the cup of coffee say to his friend? What’s up, brew?
- What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
- Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company? It can make for a strong and heated debate.
- When do ghosts drink coffee? In the moaning.
- Which Star Wars character loves coffee? Java the Hutt.
- What did the new barista say about his job? Working here has lots of perks.
- Why don’t snakes drink coffee? Because it makes them viperactive.
- What type of coffee do moles like? Ground coffee.
Coffee one liners
Dive into my handpicked collection of quick and quirky coffee one-liners. #39 is my favorite (As I made it myself..). Let me know what you think in the comments!
- My local barista can be really rude sometimes, she doesn’t have a filter.
- A cup of coffee that one can enjoy during work has to be called break fluid.
- Here you go, I brewed a fresh pot of coffee espresso-ly for you.
- My sick friend was carrying a tray of espressos. I put a mask on so he didn’t coffee on me.
- I want to create a petition to switch the names of Mango and Coffee. Because Coffee makes Man go.
- Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. Coffee!
- Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
- I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
- A cup of coffee that cost just 5 cents might be a very cheap shot.
- One astronaut says to another. I can’t find any milk for my coffee. The other astronaut replies “In space no one can. Here, use cream”.
Best coffee jokes
These are my top 10 coffee puns. After trawling through loads of resources, creating my own jokes and compiling user submitted jokes, these are my top picks.
Let me know if you agree in the comments or if you have a better one you think should make this best-of list!
- How do you kill a coffee bean? By decaf-itation.
- Why can’t cups of coffee go to Hogwarts? They’re muggles.
- What do you call it when you drop your coffee mug? A coffee break.
- Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
- Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? She kept showing up in a tea-shirt.
- What is the best magic coffee spell? Espresso Patronum.
- When should you stop pouring milk into the coffee? Before it is too latte.
- How does a camel take its coffee? With one or two lumps of sugar.
- What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee? Arbor-ista.
- Why was the man upset when he was given a coffee? Because it was definitely not his cup of tea.
After reading through all these hilarious jokes about coffee, I hope you had a good laugh.
If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes: