65 Funny Milk Jokes

Here are 65 funny milk jokes and the best milk puns to crack you up. These jokes about milk are great milk jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of milk dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about milk, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this milk humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of a chocolate milk and normal milk side by side with smiling faces on a blue background.

Milk puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about milk that are also awesome milk jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. Why is cold milk always so relaxed? Because it chills in the fridge.
  2. What type of milk does a cow give when it is hot outside? Powdered milk.
  3. Why are cows always running around asking for cash? Because they are milked dry by the farmers.
  4. Why did the pirate want milk poured on him? He was Captain Crunch.
  5. Why does milk turn into yogurt when you take it to a museum? Because it turns into cultured milk
  1. What do you get when two people boil tea leaves in milk together and put it into the freezer? Solid-dairy-tea.
  2. What is Mario’s favorite brand of chocolate milk? Yoo-hoo.
  3. What do you get when a cow gets caught in an earthquake? A milkshake.
  4. What’s the hardest part of being a vegan? Waking up at 4.30 am to milk the almonds.
  5. What happened when the milk was too cold? It got the milk shakes.
  1. Where did the milkman go when he died? The creama-torium.
  2. What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
  3. Why does everyone love smooth milk so much? Because it is soy fine.
  4. What type of milk can one get from a short cow? Condensed milk.
  5. What did the boy say when his brother stole his chocolate milk? How dairy.
  1. What is as big as a glass of milk but weighs nothing? It’s shadow.
  2. Why was the young boy so sick? He drank too much cow milk in one moo-ve.
  3. What kind of bee produces milk? A boo-bee.
  4. Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.
  5. What happened when a cow got a new job? She milked the opportunity for all it was worth.
Cartoon graphic of a carton of milk with a cow face on it on a blue background.
  1. What do you call the greatest milk ever produced? Legendairy.
  2. What kind of milk does the oil tycoon like? Spoiled milk.
  3. How easy is it to milk a cow? It’s a piece of steak.
  4. How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
  5. What happens when a bottle of milk starts living in the countryside? It becomes cottage cheese.
  1. Why don’t cows have any money? Because they always get milked dry.
  2. What do you call the milk from a Christened cow? Pastorised milk.
  3. What do you call a cow which is a female and can’t produce milk? A miss-steak.
  4. Where do milkshakes come from? Nervous cows.
  5. Did you hear about the man who got hit by a milk truck? He got creamed.
  1. What is milk called when it gets whatever it wants? Spoiled milk.
  2. Cereal first or milk first? Neither. Bowl first.
  3. Why can’t Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet? It’s made with hole milk.
  4. What kind of milk do you find in the dessert? Powdered milk
  5. What was the cow’s favorite candy bar? Milky Way.
  1. How did Reese eat her milk and cereal? Witherspoon.
  2. Why did the boy want a chocolate milk mustache? To look like Super Mario.
  3. What do you call a milkman wearing high heeled shoes? A dairy queen.
  4. What do you call two beetle babies fighting over milk bottles? A beetle bottle battle.
  5. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.
Cartoon graphic of a smiling glass filled with milk on a blue background.

Milk one liners

Here are some great milk joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about milk.

  1. I sent my cows to bed at 8 pm last night. I told them, “it’s Pasteur bedtime”.
  2. I want to open a milk factory and name the company “Legend”. It’ll be “Legend-Dairy”.
  3. I bought a tin of evaporated milk. When I opened it, it was empty.
  4. If a cow doesn’t produce milk, it’s both an udder failure, and a milk dud.
  1. Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
  2. Worried that the milk I bought this morning has come from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly the same as a bottle I bought yesterday.
  3. I bought a tiny cow yesterday. I just fancied some condensed milk.
  4. I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought to myself, wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy.
  5. Walking down the street the other week, and someone threw some cheese and milk at me. I thought, “how dairy”.
  1. The milk didn’t like my last joke. He wasn’t a-moo-sed.
  2. One astronaut says to another. I can’t find any milk for my coffee. The other astronaut replies “In space no one can. Here, use cream”.
  3. I prefer to have my milk churned. It’s butter that way.
  4. A man walks into a library and asks for a pint of milk. The librarian says “this is a library”. The man whispers “sorry, a pint of milk please”.
Cartoon graphic of smiling and waving carton of milk on a blue background.

Best milk jokes

These next funny milk puns are some of our best jokes and puns about milk!

  1. What should you tell a cow that gives almond milk? You must be nuts.
  2. What’s the fastest liquid on earth? Milk. It’s pasteurized before you can see it.
  3. What did they call Mickey after he had a milkshake? Milky Mouse.
  4. How did the parents feel when their naughty kid replaced their milk with lemon juice? They were very sour about it.
  1. Why do British people put milk in their tea? It’s not clear.
  2. What does an invisible man drink? Evaporated milk.
  3. Why did the farmer only raise brown cows? He loved chocolate milk.
  4. Why do milking stools only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
  5. How did the cow soccer team win the game? By milking the clock.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about milk, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more silly puns then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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