80 Funny Library Jokes

Here are 80 funny library jokes and the best library puns to crack you up. These jokes about libraries are great library jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of library dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about libraries, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this library humor with others.

Jump to:

• Library puns
• Library one liners
• Best library jokes
• Final thoughts

Library puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about libraries that are also awesome libraries jokes for adults and kids to be told!

1. Why didn’t the thief burgle the library? Because she was afraid the judge would give her a long sentence.
2. How do librarians show affection to the love of their lives? They say ISBN thinking about you all day.
3. What is the condition to bring beverages to the library? Do not pour milk on our serials.
4. Why did the cardiologist recommend that his patients go to the library? He heard they’re good for circulation.
5. Why did Dracula go to the library? He wanted to sink his teeth into a good book.

6. Where does the library keep books about Big Foot? The large-print section.
7. What’s the library’s motivational talk? Believe in your shelf.
8. Are you a banned book? Because you’re on fire.
9. What did the reader say to his beloved library book? “May I take you out?
10. Why is it impossible to get a reservation in the library? Because they are always fully booked.

11. Why did the ghost come back to the library every day? She went through her books too quickly.
12. What do people who cannot part with their library books say? For you my love is overdue.
13. What does a religion enthusiast say to her religious library book? Our bond is canon.
14. How does a librarian wish someone on their birthday? Many many happy returns.
15. How did the reader feel after reading a book about colors? It blue him away.

16. What’s the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles. Because there is a mile between each s.
17. What section of the library can you get bitten by a snake? Hisssssstory.
18. Why did the book join the police? She wanted to go undercover.
19. What has a spine but, no bones? A book.
20. Who’s the biggest liar in school? The Liebrarian.

21. What do you get when you cross a librarian and a lawyer? All the information in the world, but you can’t understand a word of it.
22. What vegetables do librarians like? Quiet peas
23. What did the librarian say after she was told that the reader hadn’t read Fitzgerald? You have Gatsby kidding me.
24. Where in the library can books about alternative facts be found? In the Fiction section.
25. What did the kid who loves reading horror books ask the librarian? “Do you have any books written by ghostwriters?”

26. What do you call a South American librarian who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina.
27. What do you call a teacher who never farts in the library? A private tutor.
28. What do you call a book that’s about the brain? A mind reader.
29. Why did the librarian win a Lifetime Achievement Award? He had a storied career.
30. What did the librarian say to the astronaut? You should find space for a book.

31. What did the surfer say to the librarian? Is my book over dude?
32. What did Ashton Kutcher say to the Librarian? Dude, where’s my library card?
33. What did the Librarian say to the rapper? “I like big books and I can not lie”.
34. What did the frog say when he landed on a book? Reddit. reddit. reddit.
35. What is it called when someone gets suffocated by a book? Literally murder.

36. What did one book say to the other one? I just wanted to see if we are on the same page.
37. What do you do if a dog starts eating your library book? Take the words right out of their mouth.
38. Where does a librarian sleep? Between the covers.
39. What do librarians take fishing? Bookworms
40. What does the librarian say when she has to leave? Time to book.

41. Why can nobody find books on magic in a library? Because they disappear.
42. Why did the book of incantations fail to work? They forgot to run a spell check on it.
43. What did the librarian think of the book about Mount Everest? It was such a cliff-hanger.
44. What did the library book say after her friend noticed she got thinner? “I got my appendix removed.
45. What do dogs and story tellers have in common? They both have tails!

46. Which book in the library wants everyone to leave it alone? A withdrawn book.
47. Why did the librarian keep buying books? She had no shelf-control.
48. What did the librarian feel about the book about anti-gravity? It was hard to put it down.
49. Why did the bookworm visit the library? Because she wanted to burrow a book.
50. Why was the dinosaur afraid to go to the library? Her books were 65 million years overdue.

51. What do librarians do after they retire? They get ready for a new chapter in their life.
52. Why did the young man visit the librarian often? To get into her good books.
53. How do they always keep a library project top-secret? They keep it all very hush-hush.
54. Where are the books on reincarnation kept in a library? At the returns counter.
55. What did the librarian tell the person who checked out 100 books? Don’t overdue it.

56. Why did the librarian get fired? She was always checked out.
57. Why did the librarian scold the kid when her book on amnesia was six months overdue? Because she forgot about it.
58. Why do bookworms never go out? Because they are always booked.
59. How do libraries make sure novels stay warm? They give them book jackets.
60. Why can’t librarians finish mystery books? They keep reading between the lines.

Library one liners

Here are some great library joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about libraries.

61. A woman walks into a library and asks for a pint of milk. The librarian says “this is a library!”. The woman whispers “sorry, a pint of milk please”.
62. A woman walks into a library and asks for a book about curiosity. The librarian says “why do you want that”?
63. A woman walks into a library and asks for a book about coincidences. The librarian says, “this one has just arrived”.
64. Got a book from the library on Stockholm Syndrome. Didn’t like it at first, but by the end I thought it was great.
65. A book fell on the librarian’s head—she only had her shelf to blame.

66. I asked the librarian if he knew the author of a dinosaur book. He said try Sarah Topps.
67. I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on floor panels. “No” the librarian replied, “We keep them on shelves here”.
68. Just discovered that there’s a library in my town. They kept that quiet.
69. A man walks into a library and asks for a book on the laws of probability. The librarian says “it might be on the shelf over there”.
70. I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books. I should probably get that checked out.

Best library jokes

These next funny library puns are some of our best jokes and puns about libraries!

71. What did ISBN say to its favorite book? My love for you is overdue
72. What building has the most stories? The library.
73. That book about anti-gravity is impossible to put down.
74. Not impressed by the local library. It’s a one story building.
75. Are you a library book? Because I am checking you out.

76. Why can’t you go to the world’s biggest library? It’s always overbooked.
77. Librarians love a good joke, they always get the reference.
78. A woman walks into a library and asks “Do you have Great Expectations?”. The librarian says “I hope to be the manager by the end of the year”.
79. Why did the librarian fall down? He was in the non-friction section.
80. What book did the librarian take out for her cat? The Prince and the Paw-purr.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about libraries, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more witty jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

• Fan jokes
• Ice puns
• Jokes about weddings
• Beach jokes for kids