80 Jokes About Weddings

Here are 80 funny wedding jokes and the best wedding puns to crack you up. These jokes about weddings are great wedding jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of wedding dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about weddings, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this wedding humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of wedding couple on blue background.

Wedding puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about weddings that are also awesome wedding jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. Why did the Zombie miss her wedding? Cold feet.
  2. How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
  3. Do you want to marry a rich, smart, and beautiful woman? Marrying three times.
  4. Hi, how much for this torture device? Sir, that’s a wedding ring.
  5. What’s the secret to your long, happy marriage? I am still figuring out the secret myself.
  1. What’s the worst part of an NFL wedding? Getting hit by Rice.
  2. Marriage is what kind of sport? One where the trapped animal has to buy the license.
  3. Why a marriage is like a video game? Starts off easy, then gets harder, and eventually you go online and find a way to cheat.
  4. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.
  5. If all marriages are happy, then what’s the problem? It’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.
  1. How did the Queen Bee end up getting married? She ended up finding her honey.
  2. Why do you keep reading our marriage license? I’m looking for a loophole.
  3. It is true that love is blind? Because marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
  4. What is the only war which you sleep with the enemy? Marriage.
  5. What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newly-webs.
  1. What was the best part of the wedding? The reception; it really took the cake.
  2. Honey, will you give me a ring on our wedding day? Sure, what’s your number?
  3. What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for? Best before.
  4. Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? He’s trying to figure out the combination.
  5. What do you call a single tear on your face the day of your wedding? Eye dew.
  1. If marriage is an institution and love is blind, then what’s love marriage is similar to? Blind Institution.
  2. Why is a happy marriage a matter of give and take? Husband gives and wife takes.
  3. Why is Marriage like a bar of soap? It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it.
  4. Why did the bride change her last name? Because it had a nice ring to it.
  5. What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower and a groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day.
  1. What did Owen Wilson and his wife exchange at their wedding? Wows.
  2. Why did the doves miss the wedding? They were under the feather.
  3. Why did the man wear his wedding ring on the wrong finger? Because he was married to the wrong woman.
  4. What are the three rings of marriage? Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
  5. What do cannibals do at a wedding? Toast the bride and groom.
Cartoon graphic of 3 wedding people on blue background.
  1. What did the father say when he walked his daughter down the aisle for her third wedding.? I keep giving you away and they keep giving you back.
  2. Why is marriage like a nice suit? At first, it’s a perfect fit, but after a while, you need alterations.
  3. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
  4. What is the ideal marriage? One between a deaf man and a blind woman.
  5. Why is it impossible to please women? Because even at your wedding, you are not the best man.
  1. What happens in the Marriage Institution? Man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
  2. What fruit can’t you bring to a wedding? A cantaloupe.
  3. Why didn’t the couple write their own vows? Because everything had already been arranged.
  4. Why did Einstein invite Time to his wedding? Because Time is relative.
  1. Are you French? Eiffel for you.
  2. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.
  3. Why is it important to play a round of golf on the morning of your wedding? That way the whole day isn’t shot.
  4. What do the Kentucky Derby and a wedding have in common? They both have months of build up for 2 minutes of action.
  5. Why did the beers get married? Because they were pitcher perfect.
  1. Why do brides cry at the wedding? Because they never marry the best man.
  1. Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.
  2. What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day? May divorce be with you.
  3. What’s the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding? One less drunk.
  4. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come.
  5. Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron? So the wedding would be free of charge.
Cartoon graphic of husband and wife at wedding on blue background.

Wedding one liners

Here are some great wedding jokes one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about weddings.

  1. I went to a wedding where a fight broke out between the bride and groom. It was martial arts.
  2. I married Mrs. Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
  3. I decided I’m going to change my name when I get married. I would love something with a good ring to it.
  4. After all the talk about cold feet before a wedding, I didn’t notice. Mine were just groom temperature.
  5. My ex girlfriend invited me to her wedding. I told her I was busy, but I’d be there next time.
  1. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
  2. The wedding was very emotional. Even the cake was in tiers by the end.
  3. My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day. So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
  4. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence, a life sentence.
  1. In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar. Since then, weddings have been held there, times haven’t changed at all.
  2. I went to the wedding of two artists. There was the bride to be, the groom to be and a whole load of pencils. 2B.
  3. Make a ring around the alter and call it the wedding ring.
  4. I met a sailor I wanted to marry, but even though he was in love with me, he wasn’t ready to tie the knot.
  5. After calculations I found out that my wedding will cost $40k. Now all I need is $40k and a wife.
Cartoon graphic of wedding bride and groom holding hands on blue background.

Best wedding jokes

These next funny wedding puns are some of our best jokes and puns about weddings!

  1. What’s the worst type of tree to give as a wedding gift? An adult tree.
  2. What do rabbits do after their wedding? Go on their bunny moon.
  3. Why do you say they married for better or for worse? He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.
  4. Why don’t you see too many short jokes about wedding cakes? There are too many layers to it.
  1. If love is one long sweet dream, what’s a marriage? An alarm clock.
  2. Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.
  3. I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her.
  4. Why can’t a vampire see his bride on the wedding day? Because an open casket ceremony costs more.
  5. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends. Do you know what happened? I watched my wedding video backwards.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about weddings, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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