100 Funny Groom Puns

Here are 100 funny groom jokes and the best groom puns to crack you up. These jokes about grooms are great jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of groom dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about grooms, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this groom humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of groom holding his side on blue background.

Groom puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about grooms that are also awesome groom jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What’s the difference between a battery and a groom? The battery has a positive side.
  2. What did the vegetable groom say to the bride? I love you from my head tomatoes.
  3. Did you hear about that bald groom that was so in love with his comb, he decided to marry it? Yes, he’ll never part with it.
  4. Why didn’t the groom report his stolen credit card? The thief was spending less then his bride.
  5. What are the three rings of marriage? Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
  1. When do you think the right time to get married is? I don’t know, when do you propose?
  2. How did the Queen Bee end up getting married? She ended up finding her honey.
  3. What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day? May divorce be with you.
  4. You know, I was a fool when I married you? Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.
  5. What’s a Honeymoon? The holiday a groom takes before he begins to work for a new boss.
  1. What happened when a man at the gym proposed to his weights partner? She said no. It’s safe to say it didn’t work out.
  2. What was the best part of the wedding? The reception. It really took the cake.
  3. Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
  4. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
  5. It is true that love is blind? Because marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
  1. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
  2. Why can’t a vampire see his bride on the wedding day? Because an open casket ceremony costs more.
  3. Why do brides cry at weddings? Because they never marry the best man.
  4. Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.
  5. How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day? Toast him.
  1. Why was that groom twisting the wedding ring on his finger? He was trying to figure out the combination.
  2. What are the seven words for a happy marriage? Yes dear, I’m sorry, It’s my fault.
  3. What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
  4. What’ll happen if you get a bad wife? You’ll become a philosopher.
  5. What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married? Feyonce.
  1. Which one of your children will never grow up and move away? Your husband.
  2. Why did you marry your wife? I loved her looks, but not the ones she’s giving me lately.
  3. Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron? So the wedding would be free of charge.
  4. What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.
Cartoon graphic of groom with arms out to his side on blue background.
  1. Woman to her husband while at it: Please say dirty things to me. Maan: Bath, Kitchen, Living room.
  2. How is marriage different than most wars? It’s the only war where you sleep with the enemy. 
  3. How is a marriage like a hot bathOnce you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
  4. What is a marriage? A relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
  5. Why is marriage is like a violin? After all the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
  1. What kind of process is Marriage? A process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. 
  2. What’s the difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
  3. How do you transfer funds even faster than electronic banking? By getting Married. 
  4. Why did two pianists have a good marriage? They were always in a chord.
  1. Why did the Zombie miss her wedding? Cold feet.
  2. How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
  3. What do you call a single tear on your face the day of your wedding? Eye dew.
  4. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
  1. What did bride and groom pickles say at their wedding vows? I dill.
  2. Why do you keep reading our marriage license? I’m looking for a loophole.
  3. Why do brides use twice as many words as their grooms? Because they always have to repeat themselves.
  1. What did the bride say to the groom who asked for some space? Join NASA.
  2. What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for? Best before.
  3. What’s the difference between a new wife and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
  4. Why did the man wear his wedding ring on the wrong finger? Because he was married to the wrong woman.
  1. How did the famous musician propose to the woman he was in love with? He did it with a kneel diamond.
  2. What did the peppermint say during his marriage? We were always mint to be together.
  3. Why did he proposed to her at 11:59 on New Year’s Eve? Because he wanted to say he took all year to decide.
  4. If marriage is “grand,” what is divorce? A hundred grand, or more.
  5. What is a wedding ring? The world’s smallest handcuffs.
  1. What is a married man’s best asset? His ‘Lie-Ability’.
  2. How does a math professor propose to his girlfriend? With a polynomial ring.
  3. Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
  4. How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife? You don’t.
Cartoon graphic of groom with hands to the side on blue background.

Groom one liners

Here are some great groom jokes one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about grooms.

  1. When they bought a water bed, the bride and groom started to drift apart.
  2. A guy says, ‘My wife’s an angel, yours?’ His friend replies, ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’ 
  3. Honey, will you give me a ring on our wedding day? Sure, what’s your number?
  4. When did you get to know your spouse? Sadly, a week or two after the wedding.
  5. For butter or worse, I want to toast the lovely bride and groom.
  1. Hi, how much for this torture device? Sir, that’s a wedding ring.
  2. Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always get the last two words in: “Yes, dear.”
  3. If it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
  4. Marriage is something that puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under a man’s eyes.
  5. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
  1. On my wedding day, I walked down the aisle with my back to the altar. I really wasn’t looking forward to getting married.
  2. The groom said that he would go through hell for her, and now he is going through.
  3. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
  4. Never laugh at your wife’s choices because you are one of them.
  5. Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.
  1. Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year that I’ve never been before. Wife: Well how about the kitchen?
  2. My wife says I never listen, or something like that.
  3. I can’t wait for your big day. You will get married and I will get very drunk.
  4. Bride: I do. Groom: I do, as I am told.
  5. A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
  1. Groom: I’d like to give a toast. Bride: Make sure you put some jam on it.
  2. Wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage license? Husband: I’m looking for an expiration date.
  3. I asked my wife which she liked better, my face or my body? She said, “Your sense of humor.”
  4. Bride: Are you rights or lefts? Groom: You’re right so I left.
  5. Doctor: Do you share the same blood group? Husband: We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.
Cartoon graphic of groom with his hands in the air on blue background.

Best groom jokes

These next funny groom puns are some of our best jokes and puns about grooms!

  1. What did the groom say to his bride? Our love is in-tents.
  2. Why did the polygamist cross the aisle? To get to the other bride.
  3. What do cannibals do at a wedding? Toast the bride and groom.
  4. Why do grooms watch wedding proposals on YouTube? They find them so engaging.
  5. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
  1. What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newly-webs.
  2. Why did the Mexican groom push his bride off a cliff? Tequila.
  3. Why did the groom plan on taking his bride to Egypt for their honeymoon? To make her a mummy.
  4. Why do brides use twice as many words as their grooms? Because they always have to repeat themselves.
  5. What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower and a groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about grooms, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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