50 Funny Bed Puns

Here are 50 funny bed jokes and the best bed puns to crack you up. These jokes about beds are great jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of bed dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about beds, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this bed humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of a blue 3d looking bed on a blue background.

Bed puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about beds that are also awesome bed jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What do taller people do in bed? Sleep longer.
  2. Why did the bicycle go to bed early? Because it was two-tyred.
  3. What were the two cushions doing in bed? Having a pillow talk.
  4. What does the gingerbread man put on his bed? Cookie sheets.
  5. Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed? To rest his case.
  1. What is the biggest type of bed? The sea bed.
  2. When does a bed grow longer? At night, because two feet are added to it.
  3. What did the blanket scream as it fell off a bed? Oh sheet.
  4. What is a bed’s least favorite time of year? Spring break.
  5. Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed? Because it’ll blow his cover.
Cartoon graphic of a made bed with drawers on either side on a blue background.
  1. Why did the broom decide to go to bed? He was getting sweepy.
  2. Where do roses sleep at night? In their flowerbed.
  3. What does a piece of toast wear to bed? His pa-jam-as.
  4. How do you make up a snowman’s bed? Fresh sheets of ice and a thick blanket of snow.
  5. What does a baby vampire say before going to bed? Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
  1. Which animal wears shoes to bed? A horse.
  2. How can you tell if an elephant is under your bed? Your nose will touch the ceiling.
  3. Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
  4. How did the gardener perfect their flower beds? Through trowel and error.
  1. Why did the rock sleep all day? He was a bedrock.
  2. Where did the chess player sleep? In a king size bed.
  3. Where do burgers sleep? On a bed of lettuce.
  4. What makes dry river beds so adventurous? Being ex-stream.
  5. What did the newly married couple say when they found the bed they liked? Water bed.
Cartoon graphic of a boy sleeping in a nice bed on a blue background.

Bed one liners

Here are some great bed joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about beds.

  1. Not going to lie, my bed is broken.
  2. I wrote a story about my bed. I made it myself.
  3. I was in a band once called Bed. Never made it.
  4. I thought about splashing out on a water bed.
  5. Heard a myth about a single bed placed on top of another one, and attached with a ladder. Luckily, I was able to debunk it.
  1. Taller people sleep longer in bed.
  2. When they bought a water bed, the bride and groom started to drift apart.
  3. A friend replaced his bed with a trampoline without telling his partner. She hit the roof.
  4. Simba was always the last of the pride to get out of bed.  He was the lie-in king.
  5. I couldn’t sleep, so went to a doctor for advice. She said, “sleep on the edge of the bed, you’ll soon drop off”
  1. A mechanic bought a bed. He sleeps under it.
  2. I started sleeping on the left side of the bed. It just doesn’t feel right.
  3. I wanted to make my waterbed more bouncy. So I added spring water.
  4. I don’t know if you should get a new bed. Maybe you should sleep on it.
  5. I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements about beds. It’s just that they are my quilty pleasure.
Cartoon graphic of a young boy and girl making a bed on a blue background.

Best bed jokes

These next funny bed puns are some of our best jokes and puns about beds!

  1. What do you get when you eat a sandwich in bed? Bedcrumbs.
  2. What does a painter draws before he goes to bed? Curtains.
  3. I would tell a joke about a bed. But it hasn’t been made up yet.
  4. Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog the covers.
  5. Whenever I have a stressful day, I drink a pint of water before going to bed. It always gives me a reason to get up in the morning.
  1. What did a croissant say after brushing his teeth? I’m bready for bed.
  2. What does a dragon have before bedtime? A knight cap.
  3. What did the sheep say to the lamb? It’s pasture bedtime.
  4. What do you do when you really need to buy a bed? Put your futon the gas.
  5. What do you call a bed that gets passed down through generations? An heir mattress

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about beds, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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