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30 Funny James Bond Jokes

ByChe Lewis

Here are 30 funny James Bond jokes and the best James Bond puns to crack you up. These jokes about James Bond are great jokes for kids and adults.

Cartoon graphic of black-colored James Bond through a lens on a blue background.

James Bond puns

Here is our top list of James Bond dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about James Bond, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this James Bond humor with others.

  1. Where do James Bond Actors go when they die? 00Heaven.
  2. What sound does James Bond’s doorbell make? Dong. Ding Dong.
  3. Where do you go to shop for 007 gadgets? The Bond market.
  4. What is James Bond’s most valuable body part? His Goldeneye.
  5. Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker? Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.
  1. What do you call James Bond having a bath? Bubble 07.
  2. What do you call it when James Bond crashes the US Stock market? A Spy-fall.
  3. What kind of coffee machine does James Bond use? A Q-rig.
  4. What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie? A License To Krill.
  5. Did you hear about how James Bond slept through an earthquake? He was shaken, not stirred.
Cartoon graphic of a grey James Bond 007 symbol on a blue background.

James Bond one liners

Here are some great James Bond joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about James Bond.

  1. I just saw James Bond making burgers. Turns out he has a license to grill.
  2. When he’s horse riding, instead of stirrups, James Bond uses shaken ups.
  3. The release of the Bond movie has been postponed once again because of COVID. Hollywood wants to die another day.
  4. Got told to invest my money in bonds, so I’ve bought 1000 copies of Live and Let Die.
  5. James Bond is fast asleep in bed when suddenly there is an earthquake. He is shaken but not stirred.
  1. Just fought James Bond. I was really shaken. But not stirred.
  2. My pet bird trimmed his feathers and now he thinks he’s James Bond. He’s a shorn canary.
  3. If James Bond led such a high-risk lifestyle, then why wasn’t he James Stock?
  4. James Bond’s replacement doesn’t use any gadgets and takes public transport. He’s called Savings Bond.
  5. I was so starstruck when James Bond walked into the bar I was working in and asked for a vodka martini. I was shaking.
Cartoon graphic of James Bond through a lens on a blue background.

Best James Bond jokes

These next funny James Bond puns are some of our best jokes and puns about James Bond!

  1. How does James Bond sleep? Around.
  2. Who always says his name 1½ times? James Bond.
  3. What does James Bond do before going to sleep? He goes undercover.
  4. What do you call a James bond film about a calculator? Casio royale.
  5. Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed? Because it would blow his cover.
  1. The name’s Bond. Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.
  2. I’m inventing a glue and calling it James Bond. It’s a chemical agent.
  3. James Bond meets a chicken and he says: I’m Bond, James Bond. Chicken replies: I’m Ken, Chicken.
  4. Few people know, that James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014. But he was exposed as a double agent.
  5. I went to make my own James Bond clothing, but came back with a plain, white T-shirt. I had No Time To Dye.
Cartoon graphic of a colorful James Bond 007 symbol on a blue background.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about James Bond, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

Hi! I'm Che, and I hope you enjoy these jokes as much as me. These jokes lists are curated by me alone. I handpick the jokes for quality, create some myself or add ones that have been contributed by readers like you.

I constantly update Here's A Joke posts to ensure top quality. Not feeling a joke or got one to share? Let me know in the comments or contact me. With your support, I'm aiming for the best joke site around.

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