60 Funny Wood Puns

Here are 60 funny wood jokes and the best wood puns to crack you up. These jokes about wood are great wood jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of wood dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about wood, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this wood humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of a man using a saw to cut a log of wood in half on a blue background.

Wood puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about wood that are also awesome wood jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What did the woodcutter say to the tree? May I axe you something?
  2. What does a stick say when it falls down? Wood you help me up.
  3. Why has a car made of wood never been successful? Because it wooden go.
  4. What do you call a tool covered in Sriracha that’s used to cut wood in half? A hot saws.
  5. When the police searched the lumber yard, how did they find all that wood that was missing? It was chipped.
  1. Where do trees go for a walk? Around the neighbor-wood.
  2. What’s a woodworker’s favorite thing to eat with a hamburger? Chips.
  3. What do you call it when you make a piece of wood so shiny you can barely see it? A varnishing act.
  4. What do you call a woodworker who always wants to help others? A wood samaritan.
  5. Why do banks hate woodworkers? Because all they want to do is open up a shavings account.
  1. What did the piece of wood say when it had nothing do? I’m board.
  2. If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark? I was really rooting to tell that one.
  3. How can you tell how long you have been chopping wood for? Check the logs.
  4. Why can Jerry fill his car up in the middle of the woods? Cause Jerry can.
  5. What kind of shoes go with a tree-themed dress? Sandal-wood.
Cartoon graphic of 3 pieces of wood made into a hanging sign on a blue background.
  1. When is a piece of wood made King? When it becomes a ruler.
  2. Can puzzles really cut wood? Of course. All they need is a jigsaw.
  3. Why do predators avoid the 100 Acre Wood? They don’t want to eat Pooh.
  4. What do you call a knife made out of wood? A cutting board.
  5. What kind of knee does Pinocchio have? Wooden you like to know.
  1. Did you hear Elijah Wood joined the WWE? I heard he destroyed the ring.
  2. What tree can you identify by its bark? The dogwood tree.
  3. Does anyone want to hang out with me while I chop some wood? I’m axing for a friend.
  4. Why can’t you cook wood on the stove? Because you need a non-stick pan.
  5. What did the tree say to his tree girlfriend? I wood do anything for you.
  1. Have you heard about the miracle that happened to a blind construction worker? One day he just picked up a plank of wood and saw.
  2. Did you hear about the wooden tractor? It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission and wooden work.
  3. What is the first thing people usually say when they see beavers gnawing wood? Dam.
  4. I loved Groot in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies. But his performance was a bit wooden.
  5. How do you improve the quality of a wooden chair? You pass it through the chair purifier.
Cartoon graphic of a wood stump on blue background.

Wood one liners

Here are some great wood joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about wood.

  1. The reason the woody trees wanted to take a nap is purely for-rest.
  2. I find woodworkers always have very chiseled features.
  3. Driving through the woods today I saw a boy with a bare behind.
  4. I’d be too embarrassed to make a pun about clog dancing. Wooden shoe?
  5. I want to change some of the wood furnishings in my house just to spruce things up.
  1. Only woodworkers can go barking mad.
  2. I’m quite inexperienced with wood carving, I’ve only done a whittle.
  3. The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle.
  4. Most trees get lost in the woods because they can’t figure out the right root.
  5. This weekend I will absolutely kick my habit of tapping on trees. Knock on wood.
  1. I didn’t like getting bitten by a wood tick but it grew on me.
  2. A lumberjack went to turn his chainsaw on but it wooden start.
  3. I was going to tell a joke about carpentry. But I didn’t think it wood work.
  4. I wood stay longer but I have to leaf now.
  5. After making so many wood puns I think I better branch off into another topic.
  1. I spent the whole day trying to carve the Ninja Turtles out of wood. But just ended up with a load of Splinters.
  2. Puzzles cut wood with a jigsaw.
  3. A lion would never play golf. But a Tiger Wood.
  4. If you ever need a friend, look no further than trees. They wood never leaf you and always stick together.
  5. I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Cartoon graphic of 3 pieces of wood made into a hanging sign on a blue background.

Best wood jokes

These next funny wood puns are some of our best jokes and puns about wood!

  1. How do you carve wood the best way? Whittle by whittle.
  2. Why did the wooden chest lose it? Because it had a screw loose.
  3. What do you call a sportscar built out of Italian wood? Lumberghini.
  4. When is a sailor a piece of wood? When he’s aboard.
  5. What is it called when tree offcuts are thrown away? Wood riddance.
  1. What’s the scariest wood? BAM. BOO.
  2. How can you tell if someone was cutting a log? You wood have saw-dust.
  3. How does a crazy person get to the woods? He takes the psychopath.
  4. How does a T-Rex cut wood? With his dino-saw.
  5. Wood fired pizza? How is pizza gonna pay child support now?

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about wood, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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