40 Funny Knife Jokes

Here are 40 funny knife jokes and the best knife puns to crack you up. These jokes about knives are great knife jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of knife dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about knives, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this knife humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of a cleaver knife smiling with hands and legs on blue background.

Knife puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about knives that are also awesome elephants jokes for adults and kids to be told!
  1. What do you call a knife made out of wood? A cutting board.
  2. What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth? A pairing knife.
  3. I can’t think of a good knife pun. Anybody want to take a stab at it?
  4. What do you call a guy with a knife sticking out of him? An ambulance.
  5. Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife? The invitation said to look sharp.
  1. Why did the spoon agree with the knife? Because the knife actually had a point.
  2. What did the spoon say to the fork? Knife to meet you.
  3. What did the cook say when trying to use a dull knife? This isn’t cutting it.
  4. Apple is releasing a new product called the iKnife. It’s cutting edge technology.
  5. What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
  1. Why did the butter knife put on a bow tie? Because he wanted to look sharp.
  2. Who’s got two thumbs and a knife injury? Not this guy. It’s more like 1.8 thumbs now.
  3. What’s the difference between someone going to prison and a guy who has a mobile knife sharpening business? One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated.
  4. What is the difference between an argument with your wife and a knife? A knife has a point.
  5. What do you do when you’re in a knife fight with a group of clowns? Go for the juggler.
Cartoon graphic of green flog holding a knife on blue background.

Knife one liners

Here are some great knife joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about knives.

  1. I got a new job as a chef. I love the u-knife-orms.
  2. The hero in the movie was a perso-knife-ication of good.
  3. Is it weird to lick a knife after your done using it? Because the other surgeons looked at me in disgust today.
  4. Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty and it killed someone in Battlefield.
  5. I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back. He was the very model of shivalry.
  1. Knife’s too short to use dull knives.
  2. You’re so cleaver.
  3. There’s a knife that connects to WiFi. You could say it’s cutting-edge technology.
  4. It’s a matter of knife or death.
  5. The butter knife wore a suit because it wanted to look sharp.
  1. I’m the knife of the party.
  2. I’m not cut out for this.
  3. Sometimes, I can be blunt.
  4. Have a knife day.
  5. My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business. He made some excellent points.
Cartoon graphic of a knife with yellow star at point on blue background.

Best knife jokes

These next funny knife puns are some of our best jokes and puns about knives!

  1. What is a popular videogame for young utensils? Fork Knife.
  2. Which hand do you use to cut your steak? Neither, you use a knife.
  3. What happened when the knife went for a drive? It took a sharp turn.
  4. How did the mentalist know the man wanted a knife? He bread his mind.
  5. What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once? A four loaf cleaver.
  1. What’s a knifes favorite person? The victim.
  2. Once a man named his cats Spoon, Fork and Knife. They were his Catlery
  3. I tried to join the knife club. But I didn’t make the cut.
  4. Lost my bread knife the other day and I am really sad. We had been through thick and thin.
  5. I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
Cartoon graphic of serrated knife with face pointing at something while running on blue background.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about knives, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more ridiculous jokes, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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