55 Funny Turtle Puns

Here are 55 funny turtle jokes and the best turtle puns to crack you up. These jokes about turtles are great turtle jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of turtle dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about turtles, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this turtle humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of an old standing turtle standing on a blue background.

Turtle puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about turtles that are also awesome turtle jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. How did the musician turtle get off his back? He rocked, and he rolled.
  2. What did the turtle sleep all day? It was noc-turtle.
  3. What type of turtles are easiest to spot? Green see turtles.
  4. What kind of photos does a turtle take? Shellfies.
  5. What is a turtle’s favorite kind of sweater? A turtle neck.
  1. Why did the tired turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station.
  2. What do you call a flying turtle? A shellacopter.
  3. What happens when you cross a pig with a tortoise? You end up with a slowpork.
  4. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a llama? A turtle-neck sweater.
  5. Why do Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hate office work? Because they can’t stand The Shredder.
  1. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes? To the shell block.
  2. What does a turtle dictator run? A cruel turtle-itarian regime.
  3. What did the turtle do when he won the race? He shellebrated.
  4. Why are turtles always shopping? They like to shell out.
  5. What’s a turtle’s favorite game? Beakaboo.
Cartoon graphic of a smiling turtle on blue background.
  1. What’s a turtles favorite sandwich? Seanut butter and jellyfish.
  2. Where do mud turtles keep their money? In the riverbank.
  3. What did the taco say to the turtle? I like your shell.
  4. What was the turtle doing on the road? Holding up traffic.
  5. Did you know turtles have the ability to understand puns? I wish they would have tortoise that in school.
  1. What kind of jokes do turtles tell? Shell-larious ones.
  2. How do turtles communicate? A shellphone.
  3. What do you call a turtle with six feet? A cockroach.
  4. What’s a turtle’s go-to romantic move? Slow dances.
  5. What did the cow say to the turtle? Get a mooooove on.
  1. Where do homeless turtles go? To the Shellter.
  2. What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? You get shell shocked.
  3. What do you need to do to buy a rare turtle? You have to shell out a ton of money.
  4. What is the first thing that parent lobsters teach their children? To not allow a turtle stranger in their homes.
  5. What do you get if you cross a tortoise, a giraffe and a kangaroo? A turtleneck jumper.
Cartoon graphic of a cute smiling turtle on a blue background.

Turtle one liners

Here are some great turtle joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about turtles.

  1. My pet turtle died. I’m not upset, just shell-shocked.
  2. I don’t let my pet turtle watch TV. I guess you can call it sheltered.
  3. My auntie was killed by a stampede of turtles. It was a very slow death.
  4. Turtles have a pretty healthy diet since they don’t eat fast food.
  5. I went into a book store to ask if they had any books about turtles. The cashier asked, hardback. I said, yeah, and little heads.
  1. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric. Empty shells everywhere.
  2. My friend and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday. It tortoise nothing.
  3. Where did the turtles first encounter the evil leatherhead? In the alley-gator.
  4. I spent the whole day trying to carve the Ninja Turtles out of wood. But just ended up with a load of Splinters.
  5. A turtle strolls into a restaurant for a light lunch and decides on the soup. The server says to him “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t serve a turtle soup in this restaurant”.
  1. I was told to stop eating fast food. I now just eat turtles.
  2. I was a turtle in my past life. It’s slowly coming back to me.
  3. I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle. I had a shell of a time.
  4. I went to see a turtle comic the other night.He was shell-larious.
  5. My favorite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle. Strange name but she tortoise well.
Cartoon graphic of an old standing turtle standing on a blue background.

Best turtle jokes

These next funny turtle puns are some of our best jokes and puns about turtles!

  1. What do you call a turtle with diarrhea? A turdle.
  2. Why do turtles never forget? Because they have turtle recall.
  3. What do you call a turtle who takes up photography? A snapping turtle.
  4. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back? Weeeee.
  5. What do you call a lot tortoises involved a car crash? A turtle disaster.
  1. What do you call a turtle chef? A slow cooker.
  2. What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a tortoise? A slow poke.
  3. Did you know that sea turtles can also squirt ink? Just Squidding.
  4. Which type of turtles dominate the winter Olympics? Sliders.
  5. What should a turtle wear for safety when on a building site? A shellmet.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about turtles, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns about animals, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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