65 Jokes About Green

Here are 65 funny green jokes and the best green puns to crack you up. These jokes about green are great green jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of green dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about green, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this green humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of happy green apple on blue background.

Green puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about green that are also awesome green jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. Looking for a green joke about golf? So Let’s have a pun part-tee.
  2. What do you call a green chicken? A green egg.
  3. How can you tell if a green pig is sick? Because of its green snout.
  4. Why did the green Granny Smith apple turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  5. What is big, green and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.
  1. Did you hear about the green salad that mysteriously disappeared? All I uncovered were the chard romaines.
  2. What do you call a little green spaceman with three eyes? Aliiien.
  3. What do you call a green traffic light? A go.
  4. Why did the green grower get kicked out of the garden? He took a pea.
  5. Why are leprechauns so concerned about global warming? They’re really into green living.
  1. Did you hear what the coffee said to the green tea? Sorry I’m latte.
  2. Why did the green light turn amber in October? Because it was fall.
  3. Why did the green pepper go to the hospital? Because he was sick of being green.
  4. What do green tea drinkers sing as an anthem? Sweet dreams are made of tea, who am I to dis-a-green.
  5. What did the ivy say to the grass? I am green with envy.
  1. Why are so many leprechauns florists? They have green thumbs.
  2. Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green.
  3. Did you hear what they called the music-loving green tree that was by our garden? Spruce Springsteen.
  4. Why can’t leprechauns ever end a golf game? They refuse to leave the green.
  5. Which green vegetable do pirate prefer? ARRRtichokes.
Cartoon graphic of green paint blobs on blue background.
  1. What do you call a dead green bean? A zom-bean.
  2. What do little green men like to put in their hot chocolate? Martian-mallows.
  3. What do you call a green diamond? A sham-rock.
  4. What did the green banana say to his friend when he became ripe? Yellow.
  5. What’s green and sticky? A stick.
  1. Why did the green grape go to the doctor? Because it was feeling grape-y.
  2. What do you call a green garden veggie in the basement? Cellar-y.
  3. Why do leprechauns like to recycle? So they can go green.
  4. Why don’t bears wear green socks? They always have bear feet.
  5. When do you go on red and stop at green? A watermelon.
  1. Why did The Hulk turn red instead of green? Because he forgot to use sunscreen.
  2. What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
  3. Where does The Hulk get all his bell peppers? At the greenhouse.
  4. Why did the carrots laugh? They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
  5. What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens? Lettuce eat brussels.
  1. What terns green purple and white? A chameleon.
  2. What’s green and slimy and eats brains? A zombie green bean.
  3. What’s green and bad for your teeth? A green brick.
  4. What happens if you eat too many green peppers? You get a bell-y-ache.
  5. What’s green and not heavy? Light green.
Cartoon graphic of green grasshoper smiling on blue background.

Green one liners

Here are some great green jokes one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about green.

  1. Green and yellow recently split up. Green has been very blue ever since.
  2. This joke is so funny I’ll bet you greened (grined).
  3. I could be red I could be orange I could be yellow I could be green, I could be blue I could be purple but I would be dead.
  4. Shrek and the Hulk became politicians And they created The Green Party.
  5. Green food puns always pickle my fancy.
  1. Sometimes in life, you just have to green and bear it.
  2. Biscuits and green tea, it’s like matcha made in heaven.
  3. You may be a bit green, but I leek you.
  4. When you sit on a green grape it gives a little wine.
  5. A vegetarian turned down a job at the green grocers because the celery was unacceptable.
  1. Green grape stop in the middle of the road because he ran out of juice.
  2. Cabbage green because its in Greenland.
  3. Green grapes never feel lonely because they come in bunches.
  4. Green vegetables love going to camp, they get to be Brussel Scouts for the summer.
  5. A green, hairy thing slides down a mountain is a skiwi.
Cartoon graphic of green paint in a blue paint tin on blue background.

Best green jokes

These next funny green puns are some of our best jokes and puns about green!

  1. What happened when a green ship crashed into a blue ship? The crew was marooned.
  2. What burns longer, a red or a green candle? Neither, they both burn shorter.
  3. What happens when you throw a green hat into the Black Sea? It gets wet.
  4. What is a Farmacist? Someone who deals in green meds.
  5. You know the best thing you can do with a green monster? Wait until it is ripe before you eat it.
  1. How do green gardeners send mail? Via the compost office.
  2. What’s green and sings? Elvis parsley.
  3. What is green and smells like blue paint? Green paint, of course.
  4. What did the yellow lemon say to the green lime? Sour you doing?
  5. What did the green light say to the red light? Don’t look I’m changing.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about green, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny color jokes then check out these funny jokes about blue.

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