75 Funny Golf Puns

Here are 75 funny golf jokes and the best golf puns to crack you up. These jokes about golf are great golf jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of golf dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about golf, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this golf humor with others.

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• Golf puns
• Golf one liners
• Best golf jokes

Golf puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about golf that are also awesome golf jokes for adults and kids to be told!

1. What are a golfer’s favorite flowers? Fore-Get Me Nots
2. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore.
3. What did the driver yell at the golf cart that cut him off? Kiss my putt.
4. Did you hear about the two guys that met at a golf course? It was the beginning of a beautiful friend-chip.
5. Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf? On a golf corpse.

6. When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When you slice it.
7. What is a golfer’s favorite dance move? The Bogey.
8. What’s the easiest shot in golf? Your fourth putt.
9. Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course.
10. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.

11. Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
12. What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars? Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball.
13. Why do golf courses get hot after a tournament? Because all the fans have left.
14. Why can’t aliens play golf in space? There are too many black holes.
15. Why do golfers always lose at cards when playing hearts? Because all they ever have are clubs.

16. What did you get on your last hole?  Depressed.
17. Why don’t golfers ever eat pie? Just in case they get a slice.
18. When is it too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes
19. Do you know how the moon got craters? Chuck Norris played golf.
20. What is a golfer’s worst nightmare? The Bogeyman

21. What is a golfer’s favorite bird? Any birdie they can find.
22. Why didn’t the skeleton play golf? His heart wasn’t in it.
23. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Because her coach was a pumpkin.
24. What did one golf ball say to the other golf ball? “See you round”.
25. Why does a golfer wear two pairs of socks? In case he gets a whole in one.

26. Which pro golfer can jump higher than the flag? All of them, because the flag can’t jump.
27. Why did they kick Tarzan out of the golf game? He screamed with every swing.
28. What’s a golfer’s favorite letter? Tee.
29. What do you call a monkey who wins the Masters? The chimpion.
30. What do you call a really friendly golfer? A social putterfly.

Golf one liners

Here are some great golf joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about golf.

31. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
32. There are three ways to improve your golf game. Take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating.
33. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play baseball.
34. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
35. Golf is an easy game. It’s just hard to play.

36. Golf is a game in which you yell ‘Fore’, shoot six and write down five. 
37. It takes a serious amount of balls to golf like I do.
38. I’m so bad at golf that I have to go get my ball retriever regripped more often than my clubs.
39. The higher a golfer’s handicap, the higher the chance of him telling you what you’re doing wrong.
40. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.

41. You go out with three friends, play 18 holes, then come back with three enemies.
42. Many golfers prefer a cart instead of a caddy because a cart cannot count, criticize, or laugh.
43. The best person to play golf with is someone who always plays a little bit worse than you do.
44. Golf is the only game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well.
45. The secret of playing good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.

46. I wish I could play my normal game. Just once.
47. Golf is a 5 mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
48. Golf is harder than baseball because in golf you have to play your foul balls.
49. I play in the low 80’s. If it is any hotter than that, then I won’t play.
50. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again”.

51. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers.
52. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. 
53. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
54. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
55. In primitive times when people beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft. Today, in our civilized society, it is called golf.

56. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
57. We learn so many things from golf. How to suffer for instance.
58. I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.
59. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
60. Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players

61. If you golf on an election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
62. I shot one under at golf today. I shot one under a tree, one under a bush, and one under the water.
63. The person who takes up golf to get their mind off work will soon take up work to get their mind off golf.
64. I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break.
65. The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil.

Best golf jokes

These next funny golf puns are some of our best jokes and puns about golf!

66. Bad at golf? Join the club.
67. Why don’t grasshoppers watch golf? They watch cricket instead.
68. How do golfers stay cool? By standing next to the fans.
69. Why shouldn’t you ever play golf in the jungle? It’s not fair because there are too many cheetahs.
70. Why couldn’t Tiger Woods listen to music? Because he broke the records.

71. What are the primary components of a golfer’s diet? A lot of greens and water.
72. Were can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing.
73. What does a golfer love to hear from his wife? Talk birdie to me.
74. What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies they don’t have to bring anything home to prove it.
75. The entire point of golf is to play as little golf as possible.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about golf, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny sports jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

• Football jokes
• Ball puns
• Jokes about chess
• Boxing jokes for kids