75 Best Jokes About Football

Here are 75 funny football jokes and the best football puns to crack you up. These jokes about football are great NFL jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of football dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about football, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this football humor with others.

Jump to:

• Football puns
• Football one liners
• Best football jokes

Football puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about football that are also awesome NFL jokes for adults and kids to be told!

1. Why did the football go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
2. What did the wide receiver say to the football? Catch you later.
3. Why did the football quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.
4. Why did the manager bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game? He was hoping for a draw.
5. Did you hear about the fans attending the Super Bowl? They were having a ball.

6. What is a goalkeeper’s favorite snack? Beans on post.
7. What do you call a lineman’s kid? A chip off the old blocker.
8. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys.
9. When do they call “past interference”? When you go back in time and change things, so your team wins.
10. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Please give me my quarterback.

11. Who scored the most goals in the Greek Mythology League? The centaur forward.
12. Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?  Captain Hook.
13. Which insect doesn’t play well in football? A fumble-bee.
14. What do Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and a magician all have in common? All three do hat-tricks.
15. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she kept running away from the ball.

16. What is a ghost’s favorite football position? Ghoulkeeper.
17. What do Billy Graham and the Jacksonville Jaguars have in common? Both can make seventy thousand people scream Jesus Christ.
18. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.
19. Why is it always warmer after a football game? All the fans have left.
20. What’s the difference between the Baltimore Ravens and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup for longer.

21. If there is a tornado in Chicago where should you go? Soldier Field. They never get a touchdown there.
22. What do centers wear on their feet? Hikeing shoes.
23. Why don’t dumb fans eat hot dogs at football games? They don’t know which end to start on.
24. How do you keep the Carolina Panthers out of your front yard? Put up goal posts.
25. How do Green Bay Packers count to 10? 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10.

26. What do you call 20 Vikings fans in the basement? A Whine Cellar.
27. Who are the happiest people at the football game? The cheerleaders.
28. Why did the quarterback scramble for his job? So he wouldn’t get sacked.
29. Why are the New England Patriots like Hillary Clinton? Both have Bills to push around.
30. What did the manager do when the pitch became flooded? He sent on his subs.

31. What’s the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
32. Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
33. Why didn’t the skeleton play football? He was caught in the coffin corner.
34. Why was the the best footballer in the world asked to tidy up their room? Because they were Messi.
35. Do you know the difference between a New England Patriots fan and Carp? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

36. Why couldn’t the All-Pro football player listen to music? Because he broke all the records.
37. What happens to football players who go blind? They become referees.
38. Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer.
39. Why was Cinderella such a poor football player? Her coach was a pumpkin.
40. Which football game do cats like to watch? The Goldfish Bowl.

41. What does a Detroit Lions fan do after winning the NFL? Turn off the Xbox.
42. Why didn’t the football receivers catch the joke? It went over their heads.
43. What did the referee say to the South American footballer in the World Cup who lied about handling the ball? I don’t Bolivia.
44. Where do football players go clothes shopping? New Jersey.
45. Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart? She was a fair catch.

46. What ship holds 20 football teams but only three leave it each season? The Premier-ship.
47. Why did the center walk off the field? The Quarterback told him to hike.
48. Where do hungry football players play? In the Supper Bowl.
49. A Raiders fan and a bottle of beer have what in common? Both are empty from the neck up.
50. Why do pigeons fly over Ford Field upside down? There is nothing worth crapping on.

Football one liners

Here are some great football jokes one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about football.

51. I didn’t know who had the ball, and then, it hit me.
52. Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
53. The best part of dating a Titans fan is that she won’t be asking for a ring.
54. Three hours of football and the goalkeeper is still England’s top scorer.
55. Football players do well in school because they know how to use their heads.

56. All the fans in the stands can chill during the game.
57. Went to watch a match recently, and it was freezing. Must have been all the fans.
58. A wife says to her husband: “Choose, it’s either me or football.” The husband responds: “Give me 90 minutes to think.”
59. Almost all football players are temperamental, that is, 90% temper and 10% mental.
60. The away team kicked a goal and it was a goal new ball game.

61. I tried to give up football, but I couldn’t kick the habit.
62. Step away from the chicken, it is a personal fowl.
63. Soccer players pretend they’re hurt. NFL players pretend they aren’t.
64. Saw a team of flies playing football in a saucer. They hope to be in the cup next week.
65. I like watching NFL games when I am at the hairdressers. The coverage is the same but the highlights are better.

Best football jokes

These next funny football puns are some of our best jokes and puns about football!

66. What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsman ship.
67. Why was the footballer upset on his birthday? He got a red card.
68. Where do football players dance? At a foot ball.
69. When should football players wear armor? When they play knight games.
70. What do football players do when they get overheated? They get closer to some of the fans.

71. What kind of tea do football players drink? Penal-tea.
72. What part of a football pitch smells nicest? The scenter spot.
73. Why did the football player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
74. How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
75. What do the Atlanta Falcons and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about NFL, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny sports jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

• Ball jokes
• Chess puns
• Jokes about golf
• Boxing jokes for kids