40 Funny Axe Puns

Here are 40 funny axe jokes and puns to crack you up. If you have any clean axe jokes to add to the list, leave em in the comments below!

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Axe puns

Here are some of our favorite axe jokes!

Why did the axe go to the doctor? It had a splitting headache.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet? An axe-ident.
What do a lumberjacks say when they are in a hurry? Chop chop.
What did the woodcutter say to the tree? May I axe you something?
Do you hear about the lumberjack who lost his job today? His manager just gave him the axe.

Why was the spreadsheet afraid of the chart? Because it had multiple axes.
How can you tell that an axe thrower loves his assistant? He always misses her.
What did one deodorant say to the other? I can’t understand you, your axe scent is too strong.
What does a lumberjack do after the weekend? He gets back in axe-tion.
What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working? A miner inconvenience.

Did you hear about the axe that could cut trees instantly ? It’s cutting hedge technology.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cutting your toe off with an axe.
Why did the lumberjack take his axe and quit work? He just couldn’t hack it.
What’s the difference between being a lumberjack and any other job? You get the axe when you’re hired not fired.

Why did Johnny Appleseed carry an axe? To have better axe-ess to apples.
Is it really necessary to chop down the apple tree in my back yard? I axe myself.
What is the world’s deadliest fungus? A mushroom with an axe.
Do you know why three-dimensional items or tools are so good at chopping or cutting down trees? Because they all have 3 axes.

Where does a lumberjack buy his axes? At the Chopping Maul.
Do you know why the man failed as a standup comedian, but later became an axe murderer? Because he was a total hack.
Did you hear about the lumberjack who helps folks? He does random axe of kindness.
How can you tell a lumberjack is from another part of the world? They have a noticeable axe-ccent.
Hey teacher, what would you do if someone came up to you with a huge axe? I’d answer their important question.

Here are some great axe joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about axes.

A lumberjack lost his arm cutting wood. It was an axe-ident.
I used to watch the best TV show about lumberjacks. I was sad when it got axed.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed. It wasn’t very cleaver.
I was really disappointed when the axe I bought to climb trees with ended up being useless. It was a total anti-climb axe.

An axe walks into a forest, and the trees say: “At least the handle is one of us.”.
The lumberjack’s axe broke. He’s really stumped now.
I used to work in a job making axes, I was bummed when I got axed.
A man hurt himself while trying to chop wood. I guess you could say he had an axe-ident.
I came home to find an axe buried in my PC. I think it has been hacked.

These next funny axe puns are some of our best jokes and puns about axes!

What’s a different word for an axe? Chopstick.
What do you call a Lumberjack’s error? An axe-ident.
Why did the chicken put the egg on an axe? To hatchet.
What is Ant-Man’s secret weapon? His Thor axe.
What did the lumberjack say to the talking tree as he swung his axe? You will dialogue.

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about axes, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes: