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90 Jokes About Gardening

Here are 90 funny gardening jokes and the best gardening puns to crack you up. These jokes about gardening are great hand jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of gardening dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about gardening, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this gardening humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of man picking carrots in garden on blue background.

Gardening puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about gardening that are also awesome gardening jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. How did the gardener perfect their flower beds? Through trowel and error.
  2. What game to herbs play at parties? Pass the parsley.
  3. Did you hear about the gardener who went crazy? He was hearing voices in his shed.
  4. Which vegetable did Noah leave off the ark? Leeks.
  5. What did the George Michael say to the gardener? Rake Me Up Before You Hoe Hoe.
  1. What kind of astrology do gardeners believe in? Plum-is-tree.
  2. What would be a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
  3. Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes? Because they were too corny.
  4. What do you call a company that replants fields of grass using crop-duster planes? A re-seeding airline.
  5. How do you make leaves fall off of trees? You don’t, they do it autumn-atically.
  1. What is green and goes to summer camp? A brussel scout.
  2. What is a gardener’s favorite novel? War and Peas.
  3. How long does it take for a gardening business to flourish? You have to give it some thyme.
  4. Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing.
  5. Why is grass so dangerous? Because it’s full of blades.
  1. Why did my garden owner decide to retire after having bad headaches? Because he was sick of my grains.
  2. How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
  3. Why do plants use photosynthesis? So they can have a light snack.
  4. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret in a garden? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
  5. What do you call a nervous tree? A sweaty palm.
  1. Where do farmers send their kids to study? Kinder-garden.
  2. What kind of socks does a gardener wear? Garden hose.
  3. Why did the garden owner get arrested? Because he was disturbing the peas.
  4. What vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden? Squash.
  5. What is orange in color and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  1. What do you call a cheerleading herb? An encourage mint.
  2. How do trees get online? They just log in.
  3. Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
  4. What can you make from baked beans and onions? Tear gas.
  5. What do you call someone who buys the garden store’s entire stock of shrubbery? A hedgehog.
Cartoon graphic of farmer with scythe and red hair on blue background.
  1. What does everyone have on their face, whether they are gardener or not? Tulips.
  2. Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
  3. What did the teenage plant suffer from? Growing pains.
  4. What runs round a garden but never moves? A fence.
  5. Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.
  1. Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner? Because he couldn’t find a date.
  2. How do you make a phone call in a garden? You use a cauliflower.
  3. How did the garden movie get interesting? Because eventually, the plot thickens.
  4. What do you call a homeless snail? A slug
  5. What do you call a tree from another planet? A extra-tree-restrial.
  1. What do trees drink? Root Beer.
  2. Why didn’t the woman accept the job as a gardener? Because the celery was too low.
  3. Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for vegetable theft? He took a leek in the garden.
  4. How much room should you give fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.
  5. What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming
  1. What type of garden do bakers usually have? Flour gardens.
  2. What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots.
  3. What do cartographers give to their loved ones on Valentine’s Day? Compass roses.
  4. Why doesn’t Elton John like lettuce? He’s more of a Rocket Man.
  5. How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
  1. Which vegetable loves animals the most? A zoo-cchini.
  2. How can you tell when a plant is scared? It soils itself.
  3. Which is the fastest vegetable? A runner bean.
  4. Why did the potatoes argue? They couldn’t see eye to eye.
  5. How does a gardener lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
  1. Why couldn’t the gardener plant any flowers? He hadn’t botany.
  2. What vegetable is always cold? A chilli.
  3. What’s the most popular dating app for trees? Timber.
  4. What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots? String beans.
  5. What does a nosey pepper do?  It gets jalapeño business.
Cartoon graphic of smiling gardener with wheelbarrow on blue background.

Gardening one liners

Here are some great gardening jokes one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about gardening.

  1. I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. But you’ve probably heard of herbivore.
  2. I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
  3. Thank goodness spring is finally here! The trees are re-leaved.
  4. I put up an electric fence around my field last weekend. My neighbor is dead against it.
  5. Garden to your own beet.
  1. I stood in my garden early yesterday morning wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.
  2. I love you from my head tomatoes.
  3. The scarecrow get promoted. He was outstanding in his field.
  4. Santa Claus announced that he’s giving everyone the same gardening tool for Christmas. Hoe! Hoe! Hoe.
  5. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
  1. Just saw two birds stuck together in the garden. I think they are velcrows.
  2. A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
  3. I feel sorry for wheelbarrows. They’re always getting pushed around.
  4. The worms have taken over – it’s a global worming.
  5. What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener? A Snap Dragon.
Cartoon graphic of person with seedling tray planting in garden on blue background.

Best gardening jokes

These next funny gardening puns are some of our best jokes and puns about gardening!

  1. What do you call a garden that is chicken-proof? Impeccable.
  2. What kind of bean doesn’t grow in your garden? A jelly bean.
  3. What do you call a French baker’s favorite flower? Croissant-hemum.
  4. After working with cow poop, how does a botanist clean her hands? She gets a manure-cure.
  5. What is the circumference of a pumpkin? Pumpkin pi.
  1. What do you say to a loud vegetable gardener? To turnip down.
  2. Why should you avoid arguing with a cactus? Too many great points.
  3. What did the farmer call his spring garden? A garden of hap-pea-ness.
  4. What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A rash of good luck.
  5. What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee? Arbor-ista.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about gardening, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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