80 Jokes About Cactus

Here are 80 funny cactus jokes and the best cactus puns to crack you up.

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• Cactus puns
• Cactus one liners
• Best cactus jokes

Cactus puns

Here are some of our favorite jokes about cacti!

1. What did the little cacti say to the big cactus when they were running away? Cactus if you can.
2. Knock knock, who’s there? Cactus. Cactus who? Cactus makes perfect.
3. What did the blind man say to the cactus? You prick.
4. What do you call a pineapple with no yellow part? A cactus.
5. Knock knock. Who’s there? Not a cactus because cacti can’t knock.

6. Did you hear about the cactus that went to the party? He spiked the drinks.
7. Why did the cactus storm out the bar? Someone called him a prick.
8. What does a cactus smell like when you get too close? Blood.
9. What should you say if you bump into a cactus? “Ouch.”
10. What did the cactus say when he was robbing the bank? “Stick ’em up.”

11. What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus? A mega-lo-sore-arse.
12. What’s the one job you should never give a cactus at your birthday party? Blowing up the balloons.
13. How do you properly identify a cactus? By the bark.
14. What did the food critic call the cactus pie? A succulent meal.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Needles. Needles who? Needles and pins.

16. Did you hear about the mean cactus? He was a real prick
17. What did the cactus say when he was robbing the bank? Stick ’em up.
18. What do you call a succulent in the Hunger Games? Cactus Everdeen.
19. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? “Hey there, good looking.

21. How much for the goth cucumber? That’s a cactus.
22. What do you call a pig stuck in a cactus? A porcupine.
23. What did the food critic call the cactus pie? A succulent meal.
24. What did one cactus say to its friend? We make a prickly pair.
25. If one cacti is a cactus, is one broccoli a brocculus? Just some food for thought.

26. What do you call a human that’s now a cactus? A transplant.
27. What does a cactus say when greeting its friends? saguaro you doing?
28. What are cacti’s favorite Minion’s movie? Des-prick-able Me.
29. What’s the one job you shouldn’t give a cactus at your birthday party? Blowing up the balloons.

31. How did the cactus get lost? It took the wrong root.
32. What did the cactus do when the bank closed? It started its own branch.
33. What do you call a cactus on a plane? Still just a cactus.
34. Do you know why I HATE cactus? They’re pricks.
35. Is there something wrong with your cactus? Yes, but I can’t put my finger on it.

36. Are you a cactus? Because you’re a prick
37. What did one cactus say to the fancy cactus? You’re lookin’ sharp.
38. Why is it so hard to come up with a cactus joke? Because it is such a thorny problem.
39. What did the boy cactus say to the girl cactus? You prickle my fancy.
40. Where does the head of all the cacti keep his armies? In his sleevies.

41. What does a cactus wear to a business meeting? A cac-tie.
42. Why didn’t the cactus have friends? He was a bit prickly.
43. How did the cactus know all the answers to the test? He was a sharp guy.
44. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? Is that you, Dad.
45. I dropped my cactus the other day. The worst part? I caught it.

46. What do you call a lot of cactus? A cac-ton.
47. What did the happy cactus say to the grumpy cactus? “Don’t be so prickly.”
48. What did the cactus do when the bank closed? It started its own branch.
49. What did the cactus say to the balloon? Nothing, they can’t talk.

Cactus one liners

Here are some great cactus joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about cactus.

51. Cactus puns are succulent.
52. You’re cooler than a cactus in sunglasses.
53. There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus. The other goes What Cactussssss.
54. Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus. They say its bark is worse than its bite.
55. All succulents become a lot more selfish when they are in teams, probably. Because they become Cact-i from Cact-us.

56. A cactus once won 100,000 dollars in a lottery, but while he was going to pick the money up, he lost the ticket. The prickle finger of fate was certainly cruel to him.
57. Never go on a date with a cactus. They’ll spike your drink.
58. I was thinking of joining the Hug-A-Cactus foundation but I hear they deal with alot of pricks.
59. The two cactus best friends patched up after an ugly fight. One said to the other, “Let’s stick together from now on.”
60. There was once a guy who took an art class that concentrated on cactus photography. He said it was a very pricky subject.

61. I ate a cactus today…It had a sharp taste.
62. I hope your bank account will be as green as a cactus.
63. The cactus was going through a rough patch. His neighbor tried to brighten her up by saying, “Hey, things might be rough, but you are still blooming.”
64. Sitting around the campfire, a cactus was telling a horror story. Another cactus that was listening intently said, “I’m on pins and needles.”
65. A cactus got picked for his school football team one day and helped them win their most important match. His teammates all told him later that they were sure glad that they pricked him.

66. Unlike cacti, college students need a shower more than once a week.
67. When the little cactus won her first trophy in school, she came back home shouting to everyone: “I have some plantastic news.”
68. It’s hard to come up with 30 cactus jokesIt’s a real thorny problem.
69. Cacti always look on point.
70. He was always a sharp one in cactus school.

Best cactus jokes

These next funny cactus puns are some of our best jokes and puns about cactus!

71. Why did the cactus cross the road? It got stuck to the chicken.
72. What do you call it when a whole bunch of cactus fall over? A cac-tas-trophy.
73. What did the boy cactus say to the girl cactus? We make a prickly pair.
74. What do you call a rude cactus? A prick.

76. Why was the cactus so sad? It watched a sappy movie.
77. What’s the difference between a cactus and a school bus? A school bus has the little pricks inside.
78. Why do coyotes howl in the night? They can only see the cacti in the day.
79. Is there something wrong with your cactus? “Yes, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about cactus, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny plant jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

• Flower jokes
• Tree puns
• Jokes about fall