50 Funny Tuesday Jokes

Here are 50 funny Tuesday jokes and the best Tuesday puns to crack you up. These jokes about Tuesday are great jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of Tuesday dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about Tuesday, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this Tuesday humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of a taco walking and smiling and holding a flag that says Tuesday on blue background.

Tuesday puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about Tuesday that are also awesome Tuesday jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. Why are 1 and 3 jealous of 2? Because it’s Tuesday.
  2. On what day of the week, do monsters eat people? Chewsday.
  3. Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at Tuesday jokes? She didn’t find them humerus.
  4. Why are Sundays stronger and more powerful than Tuesdays? Because Tuesday is just a weak-day.
  5. What do procrastinators do on Tuesdays? They decide that they are going to stop procrastinating next Tuesday.
  1. Which day of the week would golfers want? Tee-sday.
  2. Why did Tuesday start going to the gym? She was a weak day.
  3. What’s the worst sound on Tuesday morning? Alarm clocks.
  4. How can people like Tuesday? By thinking that it is the farthest from the coming Monday.
  5. What have Tuesday mornings and a stress ball in common? They are both less busy than a Monday morning.
  1. What comes after Taco Tuesday? Taco toots day.
  2. When doesn’t Tuesday start with a “T”? When it’s Yesterday.
  3. What is the other name of Tuesday? Day 2 of the hostage situation.
  4. What is the best Tuesday motivation? Thinking that there is a taco, out there thinking of you too.
  5. What did dad say when mom asked him to get groceries? You’ve got to come with me. It’s Twosday.
Cartoon graphic of a pink-colored word of Tuesday on blue background.
  1. What happens after Taco Tuesday? Wet Wipe Wednesday.
  2. When did the King have his jousting contests? On Tuesday Knight.
  3. How do you make time go fast on Tuesday? Throw a clock.
  4. Why was the employee late twice a week? Because it was only Tuesday.
  5. Why was the gardener walking barefoot outside? They were celebrating Toesday.
  1. What do you call a Tuesday that acts like a Monday? A two-faced day.
  2. What does it mean when you wake up on Tuesday morning? That you made it though another Monday.
  3. Did you hear about the Department of Motor Vehicle employee who resigned on Tuesday? She tried to resign on Monday, but found she’d been standing in the wrong line.
  4. What did the executioner say on Tuesday morning? It’s time to beheaded to work.
  5. Why isn’t Tuesday the most depressing day of the week? Because it’s a sadder day four days later.
  1. What is the case of a bad Monday called on a Tuesday? A pre-existing condition.
  2. What can really ruin your Friday? Finding out it’s only Tuesday.
  3. What does Taco Tuesday say to Dunkin Donuts? I have fillings too.
  4. What is a stuttering ballerinas favorite day of the week? Tu-Tu Tuesday.
  5. What is large on Sunday and Saturday, small on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and disappears on Monday? The letter S.
Cartoon graphic of a red and white calendar with a small sign saying TUE at the bottom on blue background.

Tuesday one liners

Here are some great Tuesday joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about Tuesday.

  1. My drinking days begin with “T”. Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow.
  2. After every Tuesday even the calendar goes W T F.
  3. A week ago Tuesday was National Procrastination Day. Time to celebrate.
  4. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Ahh, those were the days.
  5. Me and my childhood crush are getting married next week. Me on Tuesday and she on Saturday.
  1. I asked the farmers to attend a meeting on Tuesday morning but none of them turnip.
  2. I only drink on days beginning with “T”. Tuesday, Thursday, today, and tomorrow.
  3. I bought a second-hand time machine next Tuesday. They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
  4. Cows go to the mooooooovies on Tuesday nights.
  5. Monday: Greg, Tuesday: Ian, Wednesday: Greg, Thursday: Ian, Friday: Greg, Saturday: Ian, Sunday: Greg – This is the Greg-or-Ian calendar.
Cartoon graphic of multicolored word of Tuesday on a blue background.

Best Tuesday jokes

These next funny Tuesday puns are some of our best jokes and puns about Tuesday!

  1. What comes after Tuesday? Threesday.
  2. What’s a mathematician’s favorite day of the week? Two-esday.
  3. What does a taxidermist do on Tuesdays? Nothing special, just the usual stuff.
  4. Why were Taco Tuesdays introduced? So we could taco ’bout it the whole week.
  5. Why do you often see fewer airplanes in the sky on Tuesday? Because after Monday, they’re supposed Tuesday grounded.
  1. Why was everyone looking for Earl Grey? It was Teasday.
  2. Why was the computer late to work on Tuesday? It had a hard drive.
  3. How many days did it take for Sunday to reach Wednesday? Twosday.
  4. What is the bright side of Tuesday? It happens only once a week.
  5. How do you keep the dreams alive on Tuesdays? By hitting the snooze button.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about Tuesday, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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