45 Jokes About Cards

Here are 45 funny card jokes and the best card puns to crack you up. These jokes about cards are great card jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of card dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about cards, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this card humor with others.

Cartoon graphic of woman holding red card on blue background.

Card puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about cards that are also awesome card jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck.
  2. What happened when the spade card realized his wife had gone missing? He didn’t know how to deal with loss.
  3. Why did a man start kicking his new deck of playing cards? He had just bought a kick-starter pack.
  4. What type of furniture is the worst poker player? Lawn chairs, because they always fold.
  5. What is a photographers favorite card game? Snap.
  1. Why did everyone look at Brian weirdly when he started eating the chips? He was at a poker game.
  2. What would Batman do if he was losing at Poker? He would summon the joker.
  3. What’s hard to deal with? A pack of cards that’s been glued together.
  4. What did everyone say when two of the highest valued cards from a deck got married? It’s so nice, how the King has finally managed to find his Queen.
  5. Why was the dog suspicious of the fact that the chicken had some tricks up his sleeve? He suspected there to be fowl play.
Cartoon graphic of two credit cards on blue background.
  1. Why is it such a big risk to play poker opposite an alligator? You might lose a hand.
  2. Why did a man keep playing poker even though his wife threatened him with a divorce? He thought she was bluffing.
  3. Why did the mosquito spend a lot of time playing cards? Because he had a great poker face.
  4. How is a lonely man’s life like a deck of cards? It’s described as solitaire-y.
  5. What card game can result in the most pain? Poke-r.
  1. Who ended up winning the best dance competition out of all of the cards? The Queen and King of clubs reigned supreme.
  2. What card game always ranks on the top of the card game leaderboard? Uno.
  3. Why was a woman upset when her husband gave her a deck of cards for her birthday? She had asked for something with diamonds.
  4. What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common? You can’t even deal with it.
  5. What did the pirate’s friend say when he saw the pirate sitting next to the treasure chest during their poker game? Why are you playing your cards so close to your chest?
Cartoon graphic of pink birthday card on blue background.
  1. Why did a poker player decide against having a tattoo with words on his arms? He didn’t want other people to read him like a book.
  2. What did the man give his fiancé, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? He gave her a diamond card
  3. What card is the slowest and slimy? Ace-nail
  4. What did the police do to the guy who murdered someone with a deck of cards? They put him in solitaire confinement.
  5. What happened when the sink tried to play poker with the king of toilets? The toilet won because he had a royal flush.
  1. Why did the skeleton family never play poker at their family get together? Everyone could see through them and their bluffs.
  2. Why did the credit card go to jail? Because it was guilty as charged
  3. What did a woman say when she got told she couldn’t play a card game with her left hand? I need to play my cards right to win.
  4. What is the worst animal to play cards with a cheater
  5. Why was a vampire so nervous about the poker game he was playing? His adversary was raising the stake.

Card one liners

Here are some great card joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about cards.

  1. I’ve lost all my Pokémon cards in a house fire. I’ve only got Ash now.
  2. How do you keep a bull from charging? You take its credit card away.
  3. I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
  4. My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding
  5. My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a get well soon card. Washing you a fast recovery!
Cartoon graphic of 4 aces on blue background.

Best card jokes

These next funny card puns are some of our best jokes and puns about cards!

  1. What doctor also specializes in card games? The cardiologist.
  2. What did the man say when his wife told him that Uno meant nothing to her? He told her it means one to him.
  3. Why did the gazelle not want to play poker with the big cat? He kept lion to him.
  4. Why did the serious poker players all decide to play inside a tent? They wanted to play an in-tents game.
  5. What card was thrown out of the deck for being too rebellious? The wild card.
  1. What is a professional poker player’s favorite snack? Salsa and poker chips.
  2. What happened to the woman who lost her best arm while playing poker and had to get a replacement arm? She was finding it hard to deal with.
  3. What happened when a couple decided to use a deck of Uno cards to play their next game of poker? They found out that it was a complete game-changer.
  4. What did the card say when she didn’t end up getting through the job interview? I guess it’s just not in the cards for me.
  5. What’s the worst part about playing origami poker? Having to fold.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about cards, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny random jokes then check out these other great lists of jokes:

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