Jokes About Christmas

Here are 65 funny Christmas jokes and the best Christmas puns to crack you up. These jokes about Christmas are great jokes for kids and adults.

Cartoon graphic of a beautiful Christmas tree surrounded by presents on a blue background.

Christmas puns

Here is our top list of Christmas dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about Christmas, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this Christmas humor with others.

  1. Why do mummies like Christmas so much? Because of all the wrapping.
  2. Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson.
  3. How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer.
  4. Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Because of baby cheese-us.
  5. What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm? May the forest be with you.
  1. How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They spruce up.
  2. How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He refers to his calen-deer.
  3. What do angry mice eat at Christmas? Cross Mouse Puddings.
  4. What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started his own branch.
  5. Why do Christmas trees like the past so much? Because the present’s beneath them.
  1. What should you give your parents at Christmas? A list of what you want.
  2. What’s the absolute best Christmas present? A broken drum. You can’t beat it.
  3. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places.
  4. What do fish sing during winter? Christmas corals.
  5. How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
  1. What do fish sing during winter? Christmas corals.
  2. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints.
  3. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker.
  4. Why is a foot a good Christmas present? Because it makes a good stocking filler.
  5. Why did the little boy bring his Christmas tree to the hair salon? It needed a little trim.
Cartoon graphic of Christmas characters all standing and hugging by a Christmas tree on a blue background.
  1. What do you get if you cross a Christmas bell with a skunk? Jingle smells.
  2. What do angels sing during Christmas time? No Hell, No Hell.
  3. What does Santa pirate say at Christmas? Yo ho ho.
  4. What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards.
  5. What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar? He got 12 months.
  1. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
  2. What’s a monkey’s favorite Christmas carol? Jungle Bells.
  3. What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
  4. What do you call someone who can’t stop talking about last Christmas? Santa-mental.
  5. Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
  1. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad.
  2. What do grapes sing at Christmas? ‘Tis the season to be jelly.
  3. Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey. He’s always stuffed.
  4. How do reindeers know that Christmas is coming? They look at their calen-deers.
  5. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
  1. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night.
  2. What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A Pony sleigh station.
  3. How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish? Fleece Navidad.
  4. What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
  5. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus as he left on Christmas Eve? I think it’s going to rain, dear.
Cartoon graphic of the words Merry Christmas below a gingerbread train on a blue background.

Christmas one liners

Here are some great Christmas joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about Christmas.

  1. I feel like a Christmas tree when you talk to me because I light up.
  2. This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife. I thought it was a great trade.
  3. Doctor, doctor. I’m scared of Father Christmas. You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia.
  4. For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus. It’s the little things that count.
  5. Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus and unfortunately, so did my parents.
  1. The leader of Christmas socks is the Sock-king.
  2. This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife. I thought it was a great trade.
  3. Santa Claus announced that he’s giving everyone the same gardening tool for Christmas. Hoe! Hoe! Hoe.
  4. Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause. It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around Christmas and is very eager for our cookies.
  5. My husband told me to stop eating the Christmas leftovers out of the fridge but I can’t quit cold turkey
  1. It’s 364 days until Christmas. And people already have their lights up.
  2. I have bought my wife a fridge for Christmas. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
  3. I think Christmas should be moved to January. The stores are less crowded and everything is on sale.
  4. Last Christmas Santa Claus got stuck in a particularly narrow chimney. He suffered from Claus Trophobia.
  5. This is ridiculous, it’s July 8th and people are still shooting fireworks off. It almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire.
Cartoon graphic of Santa jumping with Christmas presents floating over him on a blue background.

Best Christmas jokes

These next funny Christmas puns are some of our best jokes and puns about Christmas!

  1. What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up.
  2. Who delivers Christmas presents to sharks? Santa Jaws.
  3. What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-itis.
  4. How do you wash your hands at Christmas? With hand Santa-tizer.
  5. What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world? A broken drum. You can’t beat it.
  1. What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells.
  2. What was the Christmas tree’s favorite shape? A treeangle.
  3. Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas? Because they’re shell-fish.
  4. What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la, la, la!
  5. What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about Christmas, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny seasonal jokes, then check out these other great lists of funny puns:

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