50 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes

Here are 50 funny Valentine’s Day jokes and the best Valentine’s Day puns to give you and the special person in your life a laugh this year.

Cartoon graphic of a pink present with love hearts floating around it for Valentine's day on a blue background.

Valentine’s Day puns

Here is our top list of Valentine’s Day dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about Valentine’s Day, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this Valentine’s Day humor with others.

  1. What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day? We’re a perfect match.
  2. What did the man with the broken leg tell his Valentine? I have a crutch on you.
  3. What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day? You’re purr-fect for me.
  4. Why didn’t the two dogs make serious Valentine’s Day plans? It was just puppy love.
  5. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day? All they wanted to do was spoon.
  1. What did one sheep say to the other on February 14? I love ewe.
  2. What did the ghost say to his wife on Valentine’s Day? You look so Boo-tiful.
  3. What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day? I’m nuts about you.
  4. What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? My heart beats for you.
  5. Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine’s Day? He thought it was the purrfect present.
  1. What do you tell a pig on February 14? Happy Valen-swine’s Day.
  2. What did one owl say to the other on Valentine’s Day? Owl be yours.
  3. What do Italians say to each other on Valentine’s Day? You’ve got a pizza my heart.
  4. What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you berry much.
  5. How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine’s Day? If it’s love at first bite.
Cartoon graphic of a boy and girl holding a big red love heart for Valentine's day on a blue background.
  1. Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental.
  2. What did the tortoise say on Valentine’s Day? I turt-ally love you.
  3. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day? Lovesick.
  4. What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? Some bunny loves you.
  5. What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day? You can always count on me.
  1. What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day? Lots of hogs and kisses.
  2. What did the chef give to his wife on Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche.
  3. What do you write in a snail’s Valentine’s Day card? Be my Valen-slime.
  4. What do elephants say to one another on Valentine’s Day? I love you a ton.
  5. Why shouldn’t you trust a pastry chef on Valentine’s Day? Because he’ll dessert you.
  1. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? I’m stuck on you.
  2. What do you call a very small Valentine? A valentiny.
  3. What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine’s Day? Stealing too many hearts.
  4. What did one light bulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you a whole watt.
  5. Why do you need a charcuterie board on Valentine’s Day? It’s the best way to say brie mine, Valentine.
Cartoon graphic of a heart with wings to symbolize Valentine's day on a blue background.

Valentine’s Day one liners

Here are some great Valentine’s Day joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about Valentine’s Day.

  1. Booked a table for 2 for the Valentine’s Day. Hope my girlfriend likes snooker.
  2. I bought my girlfriend vegetables on Valentine’s Day. She thinks I’m corny.
  3. If you are not in love on Valentine’s Day, don’t worry. You don’t have to be dead on Halloween, either.
  4. All a woman wants for Valentine’s Day is a card. Visa or Master card, it really does not matter.
  5. The amount of Valentine’s Day cards I got this year has left me breathless. Turns out the card shop has a security guard and he gives a good chase.
  1. I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single.
  2. I consider myself lucky, I celebrate Valentine’s Day every year. My name is Valentine.
  3. I thought I got a Valentine’s Day card from a football referee. But it was a red card.
  4. I bought my girlfriend vegetables on Valentine’s Day. She thinks I’m corny.
  5. My friend told me he has trouble getting a date for Valentine’s Day. I don’t understand what’s so hard about it. They literally grow in trees.
Cartoon graphic of the words Valentine's day in pink and white on a blue background.

Best Valentine’s Day jokes

These next funny Valentine’s Day puns are some of our best jokes and puns about Valentine’s Day!

  1. Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? A calendar.
  2. What did the circle say to the triangle on Valentine’s Day? I think you’re acute.
  3. How did the squirrel get his Valentine’s attention? He acted like a nut.
  4. What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I lava you.
  5. What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine’s Day? You’re one in a melon.
  1. What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine’s Day? Cauliflowers.
  2. What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine’s Day? You’re a big dill to me.
  3. Why do air fresheners make great gifts for Valentine’s Day? They’re so scent-imental.
  4. What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day? Happy Independence Day.
  5. For Valentine’s Day I made a chart of past relationships. It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about Valentine’s Day, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want some more Valentine’s Day fun then you should check out our free printable Valentine’s Day Mad Lib!

If you want to hear more funny seasonal puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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