50 Funny Alcohol Jokes

Here are 50 funny alcohol jokes and the best alcohol puns to crack you up. These jokes about alcohol are great jokes for adults.

Cartoon graphic of a drunk emoji holding a bottle of alcohol on a blue background.

Alcohol puns

Here is our top list of alcohol dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about alcohol, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this alcohol humor with others.

  1. What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol? They get smashed.
  2. What kind of alcohol do flowers drink? Rosé.
  3. Where does a Canadian alcoholic go to get help? Eh Eh.
  4. What’s a Canadians favorite alcoholic beverage? A mi-moose-a.
  5. Why was the mathematician arrested by the police? Drinking and deriving.
  1. What do Alcoholics call New Year’s Eve? Amateur night.
  2. What’s a motorcycle’s favorite drink? RUUUMrumrumrumrumRUMRUUUUMrumrum.
  3. Why did the alcoholic tell bad jokes at the comedy club? He did it for the boos.
  4. Why did the alcoholic rooster keep running around in circles? It was chasing after it’s cocktail.
  5. Why do mosquitoes prefer to drink alcohol instead of blood? Because it gives them a nice buzzzzzz.
Cartoon graphic of two friends drinking alcohol and laughing on a blue background.
  1. What’s the cure for marriage? Alcohol.
  2. Why are all exorcists alcoholics? Because they can’t handle their spirits.
  3. How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
  4. Why were there no bars open during the gold Rush? It’s illegal to sell alcohol to miners.
  5. How can you tell if someone spiked your chocolate pie with alcohol? The proof is in the pudding.
  1. Why does Luigi like alcohol? Because his mansion is full of boos.
  2. What’s a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer.
  3. What do you say to a grouchy person drinking alcohol? Stop wineing.
  4. What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird.
  5. What’s the easiest way to get a six-pack at the gymTake the beer from your fridge and smuggle it in.
Cartoon graphic of a large wine bottle and glass and a person hugging the alcohol on a blue background.

Alcohol one liners

Here are some great alcohol joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about alcohol.

  1. You say alcoholic, I’ll say alcohol enthusiast.
  2. The only thing I throwback on Thursday is alcohol.
  3. My father is a recovering alcoholic. I’ve never seen him this hungover.
  4. Today I am celebrating 100 days without alcohol. Not consecutively though.
  5. Alcohol is a perfect solvent. It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
  1. I say no to alcohol. It just doesn’t listen.
  2. I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.
  3. Alcohol is never the answer. But it does make you forget the question.
  4. It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right. Alcohol is a solution.
  5. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
  1. I bought an alcoholic ginger beer. He wasn’t pleased .
  2. Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn’t drinking enough of it.
  3. I found out I was allergic to alcohol. Every time I drank I broke out in handcuffs.
  4. A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a beer please, and a mop.
  5. Alcohol doesn’t turn people into somebody they’re not. It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.
  1. I don’t recycle because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.
  2. If alcohol can damage your short term memory. Imagine the damage alcohol can do.
  3. Hey bartender, I need a beer. I’ve got way too much blood in my alcohol system.
  4. Two recovering alcoholics decided to write a song together. But they couldn’t get past the first two bars.
  5. After Gen Z the next generation will be Gen AA. We’re gonna have a lot of alcoholics when the Trump era is over.
Cartoon graphic of a man in his bed with a hangover with 3 empty alcohol bottles lying near him on a blue background.

Best alcohol jokes

These next funny alcohol puns are some of our best jokes and puns about alcohol!

  1. When do women drink alcohol? Wine O’Clock.
  2. What alcoholic drink do horses have? Chardonhay.
  3. I put root beer in a square mug. Now I have beer.
  4. Why did the alcoholic buy a mirror? The doctor said to watch the drinking.
  5. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk. The result was staggering.
  1. What’s an alcoholic frog’s favorite game? Hop-scotch.
  2. How do you get Beer Goggles? You put alcohol in your Drinking Glasses.
  3. Its true alcohol kills people. But how many are born because of it?
  4. If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?
  5. I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of January. Edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of January.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about alcohol, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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