65 Jokes About Lizards

Here are 65 funny lizard jokes and the best lizard puns to crack you up. These jokes about lizards are great lizard jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of lizard dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about lizards, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this lizard humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of rainbow lizard on blue background.

Lizard puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about lizards that are also awesome lizards jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. What did the mum chameleon say to her nervous kid on the first day of school? “Don’t worry, you’ll blend right in”.
  2. Did you hear about the man who slaughtered lizards? He was a cold-blooded killer.
  3. What do you call a flying prehistoric lizard? A Dino-soaring.
  4. What do you call a lizard that likes the water? An aqua-na.
  5. What did the lizard boy say to the lizard girl? Iguana be your valentine
  1. What time period did lizards come from? Gecko-roman era.
  2. What kind of flooring do lizards use? Reptiles.
  3. Why did the lizard go on a diet? He weighed too much for his scales.
  4. What do you call a respectable color changing lizard? A stand-up chameleon.
  5. What do you get when two lizards can’t mate? A reptile dysfunction.
  1. What is a reptile’s favorite movie? The Lizard of Oz.
  2. What do you call a sleeping chameleon? A chameleoff.
  3. How do you turn a snake into a legless lizard? Give it an antihisstamine.
  4. How do Lizards judge an egg? They use scales.
  5. Did you hear about the lizard that sold kitchens? He was a rep-tile.
Cartoon graphic of yellow lizard on blue background.
  1. What is a gecko’s favorite side dish? French flies.
  2. Why did the lizard cross the road? To see his flat mate.
  3. What’s a chameleon’s favorite metal? Tungsten.
  4. What do you call a lizard with headphones? Anything, it can’t hear you.
  5. What device do you weigh lizards with? A scale.
  1. What do you call a lizard that tells damaging lies about you? A slandermander
  2. What’s a reptile’s least favorite type of weather? A b-lizard.
  3. Who keeps taps on the winter weather forecasts in the reptile kingdom? A b-lizard monitor.
  4. What type of lizard can’t wake up? A coma chameleon.
  5. What’s it called when a lizard commits murder? Killing in cold blood.
  6. What does a lizard smoke? Mariguana.
  7. What do you call a lizard from Japan? Kimono Dragon.
  8. What do you call a wizard that can only control lizards? Salamancer.
  9. Why are geckos natural-born story tellers? Dropping a tail is in their nature.
  10. What do you call a convention for lizard rappers? A reptile diss function.
  1. What do you call a prehistoric lizard that’s exercised too much? Dino-sore.
  2. What do you call a short break followed by a lizard? A comma chameleon.
  3. What type of lizard do you get back? Karma Chameleon.
  4. What do you call a lizard who solves crimes? An investi-gator.
  5. What did the excited lizard say when he got off the ride? Iguana do that again.
Cartoon graphic of green lizard smiling on blue background.

Lizard one liners

Here are some great lizard joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about lizards.

  1. A group of lizards hadn’t washed for days, can you imagine the skink.
  2. Shopping malls love lizards, they spend a lot of time shopping in re-tail stores for new tails.
  3. Have you ever seen a lizard lose its tail, it’s very de-tailed.
  4. I really like this top mum, but what do you skink?
  5. It’s nice to meet you, I skink you’re great.
  1. Mum, Dad, if you’re going to the bar tonight, don’t forget to order the pros-se-gecko.
  2. When we next decorate, art-gecko would be a good theme.
  3. Did you hear about the lizard with a prefect badge, he was every inch a hall-monitor.
  4. Hagrid’s famous words when he first meets the boy wizard, Yeh a lizard Harry
  5. You may not think it, but I’ve got you all lizard out.
  1. Lizards don’t like many styles of music, they just listen to rap-tiles and hip hop.
  2. There’s a new name for lizards from Japan, they are called Kimono Dragons.
  3. The weather forecast doesn’t look good, there’s a b-lizard warning.
  4. Two reptiles were out in the winter cold looking for dinner, one said to the other, it’s snow fun being stuck in this b-lizard.
  5. Lizards are big fans of theme park rides, they always say can we iguana on that again.
  1. Lizards are very competitive when they take part in the Igu-khana.
  2. That lizard is repeating itself so much, you can hear the geck-ho.
  3. It didn’t take us very long to learn all about lizards, we had it from the gec-ko.
  4. I’m so excited about this holiday, let’s gec-ko.
  5. This movie was good from the gec-ko, I’ll definitely watch it again.
Cartoon graphic of green and red lizard drinking a cocktail on blue background.

Best lizard jokes

These next funny lizard puns are some of our best jokes and puns about lizards!

  1. Where do lizards go when their tails come off? The retail store.
  2. What do you call a lizard assassin? A cold-blooded killer.
  3. What do you call a lizard that repeats itself? A Gecho.
  4. What do you call a dead lizard? A Die-nosaur.
  5. Which prehistoric lizard was the ugliest? The Eyesaur.
  1. What do you call a rare lizard? One in a chameleon.
  2. How much does a lizard weigh? Depends on the scales.
  3. What do you call a lizard that tells damaging lies about you? A slandermander.
  4. What is a lizards worst enemy? A tongue twister.
  5. What do you call a sleeping lizard? A Dino-snore.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about lizards, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more amusing animal jokes, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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