70 Jokes About Mermaids

Here are 70 funny mermaid jokes and the best mermaid puns to crack you up. These jokes about mermaids are great mermaid jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of mermaid dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about mermaids, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this mermaid humor with others.

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Cartoon graphic of a mermaid doing the love sign with her hands on a blue background.

Mermaid puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about mermaids that are also awesome mermaid jokes for adults and kids to be told!

  1. Where does a mermaid sleep? In a waterbed.
  2. Why did the mermaid cross the sea? To get to the other tide.
  3. How do mermaids prevent colds? They get lots of vitamin sea.
  4. Who do mermaids see to have their appendix removed? A sturgeon.
  5. Why don’t the relationships between mermaids and humans work out? Because they are always on the rocks.
  1. Where does a mermaid keep her money? In the riverbank.
  2. What kind of pictures do mermaids post on Facebook? Shellfies.
  3. What kind of pet did the mermaid have? A catfish.
  4. What is the mermaid’s favorite drink? A mertini.
  5. Where do mermaids go to watch movies? At the dive-in theater.
  1. What would a nice mermaid say to greet someone? I fish you a very joyful day.
  2. What did everyone say about the story of half of a mermaid washing up on the beach? It was only a tail.
  3. How did the broke mermaid buy her brand new car and house? She prawned them all.
  4. What did the mermaid send to her sick friend? Get whale card.
  5. What did the mermaid find shaking at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
  1. Why don’t mermaids play volleyball? They’re afraid of getting caught in the net.
  2. Why are all mermaids so easy to fool? They constantly fall for everything hook, line and sinker.
  3. What does a mermaid get from a really mean shark? She gets as far away as possible.
  4. Why do mermaids always know how much they weigh? They have their own scales.
  5. What did the mermaid say at her high school reunion? Long time no sea.
  1. What do you call a sarcastic mermaid? A sigh-ren.
  2. Why did the mermaid ride a sea horse? Because she was playing water polo.
  3. What do mermaids strongly believe in? Wishes upon starfish do come true.
  4. What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party? Sea ya later.
  5. What did the mermaid say to the lobster who wouldn’t share his cake?  You are so shell-fish.
Cartoon graphic of a sleeping mermaid on top of a narwhale on a blue background.
  1. What did the fish say to the mermaid? Have a fintastic day.
  2. Why are mermaids such amazing singers? They really know all their scales.
  3. Why can’t mermaids use the letters A or B? They only know what’s below C level.
  4. What would a sassy mermaid say to someone who is negative? You can never krill my vibe.
  5. Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells? Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
  1. Why was the mermaid so stressed out? Work was over-whale-ming.
  2. What is a mermaid’s favorite TV show? Whale of Fortune.
  3. What kind of phone does a mermaid use? A shell phone.
  4. What is the opposite of a mermaid? A landlord.
  5. What is the act of getting attacked by mermaids called? An Ariel assault.
  1. Who keeps the ocean clean? The mermaid.
  2. Why are mermaids so well educated? They swim in schools.
  3. How does a mermaid make friends with a dolphin? On porpoise.
  4. What did the ocean say to the mermaid? Nothing, it just waved.
  5. Why did the mermaid buy peanut butter? To go with the jelly fish.
  1. What is the most important seal in mermaid world? The seal of approval.
  2. What are violent mermaids called? Mercenaries.
  3. What do mermaids eat during lent? Holy mackerel.
  4. How did the mermaid get to the hospital? In a clambulance.
  5. What do you call drones which shoot pictures of mermaid princess? Ariel photographers.
  1. Why did the mermaid stop dieting? She was too fin.
  2. What do English mermaids eat? Fish and ships.
  3. How do mermaids send messages? By sea-mail.
  4. Why did the mermaid wear seashells? She wanted to look her best at the shell-ebration.
  5. What did the mermaid wear to the pool party? An algae-bra.
Cartoon graphic of a mermaid holding and about to kiss a pink fish on a blue background.

Mermaid one liners

Here are some great mermaid joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about mermaids.

  1. Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
  2. I know a mermaid who is good at tuning a piano, but she sure can’t tuna fish.
  3. A mermaid is half cute. The other half is just some lady.
  4. If mermaids lived on land they would live in Finland.
  5. For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid… but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
  1. You’d think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn’t half as bad.
  2. The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel She should be named Nautical.
  3. When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it’s all in the de-tail.
  4. The mermaid thought the ship was safe, but she wanted to make shore.
  5. The mermaid told me that she splashed water in my eyes by mistake, but I just know she did it on porpoise.
Cartoon graphic of a mermaid playing a small harp on a blue background.

Best mermaid jokes

These next funny mermaid puns are some of our best jokes and puns about mermaids!

  1. Where did the fisherman and mermaid meet? On line.
  2. What would you become if you killed a mermaid? Gill-ty of murder.
  3. Why was the mermaid embarrassed? Because she saw the ship’s bottom.
  4. Why did the mermaid look the other way? Because the seaweed.
  5. What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left? If you need me, call me on my shell.
  1. What is the little mermaid’s favorite font? Arial.
  2. How did the octopus make the mermaid giggle? With ten-tacles.
  3. Did you know that mermaids can also squirt ink? Just squidding.
  4. Why was the mermaid at the bottom of the sea? She dropped out of school.
  5. What did Ariel say when she met the rock pool? You have nice mussels.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about mermaids, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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