85 Jokes About Trees

Here are 85 funny tree jokes and the best tree puns to crack you up. These jokes about trees are great tree jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of tree dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about trees, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this tree humor with others.

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Tree puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about trees that are also awesome tree jokes for adults and kids to be told!

Why can’t arborists go into banks? Because they all hate branches.
What’s a tree’s favorite subject in school? Geometree.
Why can’t any trees get married? Because they already have rings on them.
What type of tree has the best tan? A beech tree
Why did the cat go up the tree, anyway? Because it decided to go out on a limb.

Why is there so much dirt on the forest floor? Because nature abhors a vacuum.
What crime did the forest commit? Treeson
What’s a lumberjack’s favorite thing in the playground? A see-saw.
What do you call a man in a bush? Russell.
What is the first thing people usually say when they see beavers gnawing wood? Dam.

Why was the pine forced to walk the plank? Because he was guilty of tree-ason.
Why don’t palm trees ever get lonely? Because they have lots of fronds.
What did the tree wear to the pool party? Swimming trunks.
What did the beaver say to the tree? It’s been nice gnawing you.
Where do saplings go when they’re ready to go to school? Elementree school.

What kind of tree can fit into your hand? A palm tree.
What’s a tree’s favorite dating app? Timber.
Why was the weeping willow so sad? It watched a sappy movie.
Why do you never want to invite a tree to your party? Because they never leaf when you want them to.
Why are trees the best networkers? They are constantly branching out.

What was the tree’s favorite thing about Star Trek? The Captain’s log.
What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree? Faux fir.
What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time? Absent without leaf.
Why do trees hate riddles? Because it’s too easy to get stumped.
Have you heard about the acorn diet? It sounds nuts.

What did the tree do for its birthday? Gave itself a ring.
A tree in a forest? And no one is around? That’s unheard of.
I want to make a fig flavored mint. But right now it’s just a fig mint of my imagination.
When I am bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms. I have way too much thyme on my hands.
I planted a palm tree outside my house. Now I have something to give me a hand around the house.

Why do trees live for such a long time? Because they don’t like to smoke.
What’s a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer.
What did the tree do when the bank closed? It started its own branch.
Why did the pine tree get in trouble? Because it was being knotty.
Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn? In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.

Which flowering plant is the champion equestrian in the kingdom of plants? The horse chestnut.
What happens to trees on Valentine’s Day? They get sappy.
My partner must think that I’m a tree. Because she is leaf-ing me.
I panicked when I saw all the leaves falling off the trees during fall. But luckily, they all grew back. What a re-leaf.
Today, I finally realized why it’s called “Root Beer” Because it tastes like dirt.

Did you hear about the academy-award winning movie about trees? Forest Stump
Why don’t trees have last names? They like to go on a fir’s name basis.
Did you hear that the lumberjack cut down a Christmas tree just by looking at it? He just saw it with his own eyes.
What is a tree’s favorite dinosaur? A tree-rex.
Why do Christmas trees have trouble sewing? They can’t stop dropping their needles.

Did you hear about the world’s most beautiful tree? It has a great fig-ure.
How do bees travel to trees? They take the buzz.
How does the colour of a pine tree change in central China? It starts beige-ing.
Which Canadian city is a tree’s favorite? Montreeal.
What happened to the car that had wooden wheels and a wooden engine? The car just wooden go.

What did the tree say to the bully? Leaf me alone.
What type of tree likes to give high fives? A palm tree.
What did the single tree say to the bush? I don’t want no shrub. A shrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me.
How do trees make themselves heard? They use amp-leaf-ication.
How do coniferous trees get ready when they’re going out with their friends? They spruce up.

I named all my kids after trees. Because they are the root of all my problems.
I’m so bad at gardening. Even my trees don’t root for me.
I tried root beer for the first time today. But now, my trees are drunk.
Which motorcycle brand do the London plane trees ride when they’re roaming through the forest? The Treeumph.
My uncle cut off his finger while trimming his trees, but can’t remember how it happened. He tried his best to remember, but ended up stumped.

What is every tree’s least favorite brand of deodorant? Axe.
I was convinced to pay over the odds for a beautiful bonsai tree today. What a sap.
What is every tree’s favorite style of shoe? Clogs.
How do you know that a tree is starting to get desperate? It keeps texting it’s axe.
So, what do you call it when a dog makes a home in a tree? A nest-level doghouse.

What do you get when you cross a tabby cat with a lemon tree? A sour puss.
Why did the two fruit trees not see eye to eye? Because they were apples and oranges.
Why do trees prefer to stay out of politics? They don’t like to lean one way or another.
Why did the evil king order his subjects to cut down every tree in the kingdom? He got jealous of the fact that all of them had bigger crowns than him.
I found out today that the trees in my garden have huge roots. So I bought them some hair dye.

These next funny tree puns are some of our best jokes and puns about trees!

What’s big, grey and falls from trees in Autumn? An eleafant.
Why couldn’t the fig tree get back in shape? It could not stick to a root-ine.
What kind of sea creature falls from trees? Jel-leaf-ishes.
How do trees access the internet? They log on.
What does a tree do when it doesn’t have an answer to someone’s question? It just shrubs.

Why did the tree get stumped? It couldn’t get to the root of the problem.
What is a tree ‘s least favorite month? Sap-timber.
Do you know an elephant accidentally ended up stuck on a tree last month? It had to sit on the branch and wait until fall to get down.
I loved Groot in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies. But his performance was a bit wooden.
I’m pretty sure I heard a tree call me fat. Trees are always giving me shade.