70 Jokes About Snakes
Welcome to my list of jokes about snakes! If you’re in the mood for some silliness, you’ve slid into the right place. Expect a whole lot of laughs, even if they’re just from how delightfully corny they are.
Snake puns
Snakes might not have a funny bone, but these puns sure do.
- What’s long, green and goes hith? A snake with a lisp.
- What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A snake in the brass.
- What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet? Wait until he’s finished.
- What is another word for a python? A mega-bite.
- What do you call an important English snake? Sir Pent.
- Why should you never use a snake as a boomerang? Because it will always come back to bite you.
- What’s a snake’s favorite dance? The snake, rattle, and roll.
- What do snakes do when they get angry? They throw hissy fits.
- What do you call a snake that builds things? A boa constructor.
- How do venomous snakes kill their prey? In cold blood.
- What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra.
- What did the snake say when another snake asked him the time? Don’t asp me. (Fun fact – The word ‘Asp‘ comes from the old word ‘aspis’. In the past, ‘aspis’ was used for many poisonous snakes in the Nile area.)
- What do you call a snake what has been fused with a fruit? A bananaconda.
- What do snakes make when they have allergies? HISStamine.
- Why are snakes so good at rapping? They rap around there prey.
- Why don’t snakes drink coffee? Because it makes them viperactive.
- What do you call a snake who works for the government? A civil serpent.
- What did the Mommy snake say to the Baby snake? Please stop crying and viper your nose.
- Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other sssssssside.
- Who is a snake’s favorite author? William Snakespeare.
- Why do snakes always measure in inches? Because they don’t have feet.
- What did the snake give her boyfriend? A goodnight hiss.
- What did the snake say to the loud children at the library? “Ssssss.”
- What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A Boeing constrictor.
- Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake? Now he’s programming in python.
More cheesy snake jokes and puns
You might not find snakes in a comedy club, but that doesn’t mean they can’t steal the show! These cheesy snake jokes will coil you with laughter.
- If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get? A swallow.
- Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry? She thought the joke was hisss-terical.
- What do snakes use to clean their car windows? Windscreen vipers.
- What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food? Snakes and Larders.
- What do you call a snake that bakes? A pie-thon.
- How can you rescue a snake that looks dead? With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation.
- Who is a snake’s favorite actor? Humphrey Boa-gart.
- Why did the two boa constrictors get married? Because they had a crush on each other.
- What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang letters.
- What do you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.
- What’s a snake’s favorite dance? The mamba.
- Why did Woody have to wear sneakers? There was a snake in his boot.
- What do you call a snake that’s shed its skin? Snaked.
- What should you do if you see a huge snake sleeping in your bed? Sleep somewhere else.
- How does a snake shoot something? With a boa and arrow.
- What is a snake’s favorite school subject? Hissstory.
- What did the baby snake say when the mummy snake offered everyone a piece of cake? Thanks, I’ll just have a slither.
- What did the baby snake say to his big brother? Don’t be such a rattle-tail!
- What do snakes use to cut tracing paper? A pair of scissss-ors.
- What do you say when taking a selfie with a rattlesnake? This is a misssss-take.
- In which river can you expect to find lots of snakes? The Hiss-issippi River
- What’s worse than a box full of snakes? A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
- What’s the best thing about a deadly snake? They’ve got lots of poisonality.
- Why can’t a snake rob a bank? Because they are unarmed.
- Which are the best mathematicians in the snake family? The adders.
The Best Snake Jokes
When it comes to snake humor, there are many scales of hilarity!
- How do you get yarn out of a snake? Wait until it sheds its skein.
- What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long? A “Pi”-thon.
- What kind of car does a snake drive? An ana-honda.
- What do you call luggage made of snakeskin? Ex-hiss baggage.
- Why was the mother rattlesnake sad? The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
- What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird? A feather boa.
- What clothing might sister snakes share? Co-bras.
- When will the baby snake arrive? I don’t know, but he won’t be long.
- Why did the cobra ask a man out on a date? Because he was a snake charmer.
- A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff. Bah-dum-tiss.
- What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake? A jump rope.
- Why should you never weigh a snake? They have their own scales.
- How did the snakes escape from prison? They scaled the wall and got out.
- What happens to most people when they see a long snake? They re-coil.
- What is a snake’s favorite TV show? Monty Python.
- What do married snakes have on their bath towels? “Hiss,” and “Herss.”
- Why are snakes so hard to fool? They have no legs to pull.
- Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief? Because he wanted his diamond back.
- Which snake is a member of a rock band? A rattlesnake.
- What do you give a sick snake? Asp-rin.
Final thoughts
So, that’s my round-up of snake jokes to keep you entertained. I hope these jokes have you laughing so hard you’re practically “shedding” tears! Stay slithery, and keep smiling! 🐍
If you want to hear more funny and amazing animal jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:
