My Top 10 Christmas Jokes – Merry Christmas
Here is my list of Christmas jokes and puns to bring the smiles this season. I have ranked my top 10 jokes and then after that I have like 50 more that were good, but didn’t make the cut.
Top Christmas jokes
Ok, here are my top 10 Christmas jokes I think sleigh, but let me know if you have one you think should make this list!
- What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up.
- Who delivers Christmas presents to sharks? Santa Jaws.
- What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-itis.
- How do you wash your hands at Christmas? With hand Santa-tizer.
- What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world? A broken drum. You can’t beat it.
- How does Santa remember which chimneys he has visited on Christmas Eve? He keeps a log! (Sent in by Doc).
- What was the Christmas tree’s favorite shape? A treeangle.
- Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas? Because they’re shell-fish.
- What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la, la, la!
- What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas.
More Christmas jokes
Here are all the remaining jokes I curated and are still funny. You could use these in Christmas crackers or pop them in stockings. Or just read them here, they are great eye-rolling jokes :p
- Why do mummies like Christmas so much? Because of all the wrapping.
- Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson.
- How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer.
- Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Because of baby cheese-us.
- What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm? May the forest be with you.
- The leader of Christmas socks is the Sock-king.
- This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife. I thought it was a great trade.
- Santa Claus announced that he’s giving everyone the same gardening tool for Christmas. Hoe! Hoe! Hoe.
- Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause. It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around Christmas and is very eager for our cookies.
- My husband told me to stop eating the Christmas leftovers out of the fridge but I can’t quit cold turkey.
- How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They spruce up.
- How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He refers to his calen-deer.
- What do angry mice eat at Christmas? Cross Mouse Puddings.
- What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started his own branch.
- Why do Christmas trees like the past so much? Because the present’s beneath them.
- What should you give your parents at Christmas? A list of what you want.
- What’s the absolute best Christmas present? A broken drum. You can’t beat it.
- What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places.
- What do fish sing during winter? Christmas corals.
- How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
- What do fish sing during winter? Christmas corals.
- What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints.
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker.
- Why is a foot a good Christmas present? Because it makes a good stocking filler.
- Why did the little boy bring his Christmas tree to the hair salon? It needed a little trim.
- What do you get if you cross a Christmas bell with a skunk? Jingle smells.
- What do angels sing during Christmas time? No Hell, No Hell.
- What does Santa pirate say at Christmas? Yo ho ho.
- What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards.
- What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar? He got 12 months.
- It’s 364 days until Christmas. And people already have their lights up.
- I have bought my wife a fridge for Christmas. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- I think Christmas should be moved to January. The stores are less crowded and everything is on sale.
- Last Christmas Santa Claus got stuck in a particularly narrow chimney. He suffered from Claus Trophobia.
- This is ridiculous, it’s July 8th and people are still shooting fireworks off. It almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire.
- Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
- What’s a monkey’s favorite Christmas carol? Jungle Bells.
- What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
- What do you call someone who can’t stop talking about last Christmas? Santa-mental.
- Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
- How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad.
- What do grapes sing at Christmas? ‘Tis the season to be jelly.
- Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey. He’s always stuffed.
- How do reindeers know that Christmas is coming? They look at their calen-deers.
- What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
- I feel like a Christmas tree when you talk to me because I light up.
- This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife. I thought it was a great trade.
- Doctor, doctor. I’m scared of Father Christmas. You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia.
- For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus. It’s the little things that count.
- Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus and unfortunately, so did my parents.
- What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night.
- What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A Pony sleigh station.
- How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish? Fleece Navidad.
- What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
- What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus as he left on Christmas Eve? I think it’s going to rain, dear.
If you want to hear more funny seasonal jokes, then check out these other great lists of funny puns:
