75 Funny Eye Puns

Here are 75 funny eye jokes and the best eye puns to crack you up. These jokes about eyes are great eye jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of eye dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about eyes, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this eye humor with others.

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Eye puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about eyes that are also awesome eye jokes for adults and kids to be told!

What did the eyes say when they finally got glasses? Eye’m back.
What did the optometrist tell the judge when he was in court? Iris my case.
Why did the phone start wearing glasses? He had lost all his contacts.
How do my eyeballs surf the Internet? Eye brows it.
Why did the mum decide to buy new glasses? Because she thought that it was the ideal eye deal.

How do the optometrists listen to music? With eye-tunes.
What did the sailor say to the optometrist? Eye! Eye! Captain.
Why were the eyelid and the eyebrows always fighting? Because they just couldn’t see eye to eye.
Why didn’t the optometrist want to learn any jokes? Because he heard it helps break the eyes.
What is the similarity between an optometrist and a teacher? They both love testing pupils.

What would you call a fish that didn’t have any eyes? A fsh.
Where can you always locate the eye? Exactly between H and J.
Why did the teacher quit her job? She was unable to control her pupils.
What did the left eye say to the right one? Between you and me, something smells.
Did you hear about the optometrist who shared jokes? They were too cornea.

Did you hear about the llama who couldn’t see? Someone pulled the wool over her eyes.
Why did the teacher start wearing sunglasses? Because his students were too bright.
Why are our eyes the most important part of the body? They always focus on what matters.
Why did the pupil decide to end his friendship with the eyelid? Because she had a habit of lashing out.
What do you call a single tear on your face the day of your wedding? Eye dew.

Why are eyes puns not puns? Because they’re optical illusions.
What do you call a piece of wood stuck in your eye? He had a-stick-matism.
What happened when the man could see clearly after a long time? He was very ex-eye-ted to see.
What happened when a man accidentally rubbed some ketchup in his eyes? He regretted it in Heinzsight.
Why did the girl always seem to lose her contact lenses? Because she couldn’t keep her eyes on them.

What would you call an alien that had a missing eye? It’d be called Alen.
What is it called when you poke your eyes when putting on your safety glasses? Eye-ronic.
What would you need to do to become a famous eyewear designer? Have an eye for st-eye-l.
What type of glasses do gingerbread men wear? Eye candy.
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon? No, but a “good eye might.”

What would you call a pig if it had three eyes? A Piiig.
Have you seen that movie about a pig that didn’t have any eyes? It was PG.
Have you heard about the man that got some salt in his eyes? Now it’s become see salt.
Did you hear about the cashier that scanned the eyes of one rude customer with his barcode reader? The look on the customer’s face was priceless.
What happened when the women tried to sleep with one eye open? They weren’t able to sleep a wink.

What did the left eye tell the right eye? You’re looking alright.
Why do eyeballs like to purchase and use new electronics? They are all very eye-tech.
What device do eyes usually use to listen to music? Eye-pods.
Have you heard about the new horse species that has a horn and one eye? It’s a unicornea.
Why did the eyeball decide to end his relationship with the elbow? The eyeball found the elbow’s humerus jabs not at all hum-iris.

How can you make someone’s eyes twinkle? Shine some light in their eye.
Why was the eyeball relatively quick at learning new stuff? She had a high eye-Q.
Why should you never put any avocado in your eyes? So that you don’t get the guac-oma.
What did the optometrist say about the painful eye pun? Eye did not see that one coming.
What would you call a dinosaur that has no eyes? A do-you-think-he-saurus.

Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after a can of red paint fell on him? He saw red.
Did you know that a cyclops’s favorite winter sport is sking? It’s like skiing, but with one eye.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed? A cold.
Why do pianists have such good eyesight? They always C sharp.
Why do potatoes make such good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.

Here are some great eye joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about eyes.

Eye jokes are very cornea but nose jokes sure do stink.
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
The police found the eye case hard to solve but they still managed to close the lid on it.
Have you heard about the boy who was dating a girl that had lazy eyes? Turns out, she was seeing someone else.
Scientists found a way to make dolphins invisible to all human eyes, but I don’t see the porpoise.

I have the eye of a tiger and the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
People always talk about the ‘Eye Of The Tiger’. No one talks about the other four letters.
The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.” The receptionist asks, “Have you ever seen a doctor yet?” To which the man replies, “No, just spots.”
Patient: I get a sharp pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Nurse: Take the spoon out first.
Prove to me that you can do magic,” says the skeptic. “I bet you can’t.” Then the magician turns the man into an eyeball. Shocked, the man says, “Well, eye’ll be!

A friend rubbed tomato ketchup on his eyes. In Heinz sight, it wasn’t a good idea.
Pigeons are the best tour guides. They’ve always got a bird’s eye view.
The mermaid told me that she splashed water in my eyes by mistake, but I just know she did it on porpoise.
It is true that love is blind, because marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
Marriage is something that puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under a man’s eyes.

These next funny eye puns are some of our best jokes and puns about eyes!

What would you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
What would you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer.
How does it feel to wake up every morning? It’s an eye-opening experience.
What do you do when you have a black eye? Put on an eyes pack.
How did the carpenter cut the piece of wood by looking at it? He saw it with his eyes.

What makes our eyes feel quite lonely? Eye-solation.
What did the comedian who only tells bad eyes puns say? Bad puns are they way eye roll.
What do you call a spider with 8 eyes? A spiiiiiiiider.
What would you call the eye, which has the ability to fly? An eye soar.
How does the eyeball congratulate everyone on their success? It gives them eye-fives.