45 Funny Height Jokes

Here are 45 funny height jokes and the best height puns to crack you up. These jokes about height are great jokes for kids and adults.

Cartoon graphic of two boys measuring their height using a large ruler on a blue background.

Height puns

Here is our top list of height dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about height, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this height humor with others.

  1. Why are gnome jokes all one-liners? They are always rather short.
  2. Why is a Stormtrooper’s height measured in feet and inches? They use Imperial measurements.
  3. Want to hear the joke about height? Never mind, it’s too short.
  4. What’s it called when it takes you a while to find RAM for your computer? Short-term memory loss.
  5. Why was the builder so short? Because he had been contracting for a long time.
  1. What do you call a short comedian? A little funny.
  2. Why did the taller fisherman tell better fish stories than his shorter buddy? Cause his arms are longer.
  3. What is the volume of a disk with radius z and height a? Pi * z * z * a.
  4. I am tall when I’m young, and I am short when I’m old. What am I? A candle.
  5. Why did the paleontologist measure the height of a dinosaur using a T-Rex’s foot? Jurassic times call for Jurassic Measures.
Cartoon graphic of a giraffe standing next to a ruler to measure its height on a blue background.
  1. How does a barber make phone calls? He usually cuts them short.
  2. If I make a bridge shorter, is it now abridged?
  3. What do you call a bird that’s afraid of heights? A chicken.
  4. Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda to borrow some money? Because he’s always short.
  5. What English word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
  1. What’s the silliest nickname you can give a giraffeShorty.
  2. How did the leprechaun beat the Irish man to the pot of goldHe took a short cut.
  3. If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height? From my head, tomatoes.
  4. How long did the baseball player spend in the library? Five minutes. It was a short stop.
  5. Why don’t you see too many short jokes about wedding cakes? There are too many layers to it.
Cartoon graphic of a boy standing next to a large rule to measure his height on a blue background.

Height one liners

Here are some great height joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about height.

  1. I don’t want my wife any longer. Her height is perfect.
  2. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
  3. They say that height could be a cancer risk. Sounds like a tall story to me.
  4. I got kicked out of the park today for arranging the squirrels by height. They didn’t like my critter sizing.
  5. I realized today I reached my ideal weight years ago. I just haven’t reached my ideal height of 6’3″ yet.
  1. I want to buy platform shoes, but I can’t afford them. I’m still a little short.
  2. Height bullying is no joke. Seriously, we need to stop looking down on short people.
  3. I heard that there was a guy who could jump twice his height. That’s some incredible feet.
  4. My dad moved in some very mysterious circles. He had one leg shorter than the other.
  5. One of the legs of this chair is shorter than the others. I’m trying to be okay with it but if I’m being honest it just doesn’t sit well with me.
  1. I hate when guys brag about their height online. It makes me six two my stomach.
  2. I know joking about Tom Cruise’s height is low-hanging fruit, but that’s all he can reach.
  3. I don’t have a fear of heights. It’s just that when I’m up real high, I got a problem with gravity.
  4. My wife said she had trouble hitting the high notes in a karaoke song. Apparently she was too short and didn’t have the right shoes on.
Cartoon graphic of a person being measured in height by a large milk bottle on a blue background.

Best height jokes

These next funny height puns are some of our best jokes and puns about height!

  1. What’s the most exciting height to be? Yay high.
  2. What is height of stupidity? A person looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
  3. Why is jumping from great heights the most influential way to die? Because you make an impact.
  4. What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? Lean beef.
  5. Why did the Canadian meteorologists lose to the American meteorologists in basketball? Because it was unfair in height.
  1. Why was the king only a foot tall? Because he was a ruler.
  2. What type of milk can one get from a short cow? Condensed milk.
  3. How do Santa’s elves eat pancakes? In short stacks.
  4. Why was the short prisoner thrown into the sea? He was a little condescending.
  5. Why should you never make a joke about height around a short person? It’ll just go over their head.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about height, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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