50 Funny Harry Potter Jokes

Here are 50 funny Harry Potter jokes and the best Harry Potter puns to crack you up. These jokes about Harry Potter are great jokes for kids and adults.

Cartoon graphic of Harry Potter with his robe and scarf on a blue background.

Harry Potter puns

Here is our top list of Harry Potter dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about Harry Potter, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this Harry Potter humor with others.

How does Voldemort enter a room? He slithers in.
What is Harry Potter’s favorite subject at Hogwarts? Spelling.
Why was Harry Potter sent to the office? Because he was cursing in class.
Why couldn’t Harry find Hermione? He was looking in all the Ron places.
Why is Mad-Eye Moody a rotten teacher? He can’t control his pupils.

What is bigfoot’s favorite book? Hairy Potter.
How does Harry Potter listen to music? He puts on Sirius XM.
Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road? They were following Draco.
Why did Berty Crouch Jr. quit drinking? Because it was making him Moody.
Why did Voldemort cross the road? Because Harry Potter couldn’t stop him.

How do the Malfoys get into bed? They Slytherin.
What is Aragog’s favorite day of the week? Flyday.
Why doesn’t Voldemort wear glasses? Nobody nose.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed am I with Harry Potter? 9 3/4.
What did the wizards and witches say to the airplanes? WING-ardium Leviosa.

Cartoon graphic of a Harry Potter golden snitch on a blue background.

How does Voldemort keep his breath fresh? Dementos.
What dinosaur would Harry Potter be? A Dinosorcerer.
Why did Harry sign up for the gym? Because he loved the dumbbell doors.
Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook? Because he has no friends, only followers.
Why couldn’t Harry Potter feel the magic? Because he was having a dry spell.

What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? A Volt-demort.
What swims in the water and has a magic wand? Harry P-otter.
What do you call Harry Potter in a plane? The flying sorcerer.
What did Hermione do when Harry and Ron took the flying car to school? Finally relaxed.
How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. He holds it and the world revolves around him.

Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice? He’s a double-crosser.
What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar? Something Gin-ey.
What do you call Hogwarts students who share a dorm? Broom-mates.
How do you get a mythical creature into your house? Through the Gryffindor.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions? They were past their hexpiration date.

Cartoon graphic of Harry Potter waving his wand in uniform on a blue background.

Harry Potter one liners

Here are some great Harry Potter joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about Harry Potter.

I named my lizard Harry just so I can say, “You’re a lizard, Harry.”
I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4. But I keep hitting a wall.
I like all the actors in Harry Potter movies except one. I feel that Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.
I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I’m about to get lucky.
The four first books of Harry Potter were fun, after the fifth one the situation became dead Sirius.

Wizards who drink Polyjuice Potion are people two.
I love Harry Potter movies. I a-dumbledore them.
Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If you don’t like Harry Potter puns, something is Siriusly Ron with you.
The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.” Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner.

Best Harry Potter jokes

These next funny Harry Potter puns are some of our best jokes and puns about Harry Potter!

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? With quit-itch.
What happens when Harry Potter says accidental? Someone loses a tooth.
How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favorite sport? A quid each.
Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man.
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president? Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.

You’re a battery, Harry. I’m a watt?
What is a bishop’s favorite Harry Potter location? Diagon Alley.
Why was Harry Potter such a good computer programmer? Because he spoke python.
J.K. Rowling changed the name of the main character and also changed his hair style. He is no longer Harry.
Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend? They’re both cauldron.