35 Jokes About Cards

I am a big fan of card games and I used to play poker all the time when I was in my twenties. In fact that’s how I met my wife, playing poker in a bar. So yeah, cards are great!

Anyway, I have bridged my love of cards with my love of jokes in this post and so here is a whole deck of card jokes for you. Be the Joker and deal one out to someone you love or who you want to make laugh.

Card puns

1. Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck.
2. What type of furniture is the worst poker player? Lawn chairs, because they always fold.
3. What is a photographers favorite card game? Snap.
4. Why did a man start kicking his new deck of playing cards? He had just bought a kick-starter pack.

6. What card is the slowest and slimy? Ace-nail
7. Why did the credit card go to jail? Because it was guilty as charged
8. Why did everyone look at Brian weirdly when he started eating the chips? He was at a poker game.
9. Why did the gazelle not want to play poker with the big cat? He kept lion to him.

11. Why is it such a big risk to play poker opposite an alligator? You might lose a hand.
12. Why did a man keep playing poker even though his wife threatened him with a divorce? He thought she was bluffing.
13. Why did the mosquito spend a lot of time playing cards? Because he had a great poker face.
14. What card game can result in the most pain? Poke-r.
15. How is a lonely man’s life like a deck of cards? It’s described as solitaire-y.

16. What card game always ranks on the top of the card game leaderboard? Uno.
17. Who ended up winning the best dance competition out of all of the cards? The Queen and King of clubs reigned supreme.
18. What did the pirate’s friend say when he saw the pirate sitting next to the treasure chest during their poker game? Why are you playing your cards so close to your chest?
19. Why was a woman upset when her husband gave her a deck of cards for her birthday? She had asked for something with diamonds.

21. Why did a poker player decide against having a tattoo with words on his arms? He didn’t want other people to read him like a book.
22. What did the police do to the guy who murdered someone with a deck of cards? They put him in solitaire confinement.
23. Why was a vampire so nervous about the poker game he was playing? His adversary was raising the stake.

26. Why did the skeleton family never play poker at their family get together? Everyone could see through them and their bluffs.
27. What did a woman say when she got told she couldn’t play a card game with her left hand? I need to play my cards right to win.
28. What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.

Card one liners

31. How do you keep a bull from charging? You take its credit card away.
32. I’ve lost all my Pokémon cards in a house fire. I’ve only got Ash now.
33. My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding
34. I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
35. My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a get well soon card. Washing you a fast recovery!

Best card jokes

36. What doctor also specializes in card games? The cardiologist.
37. What’s hard to deal with? A pack of cards that’s been glued together.
38. Why did the serious poker players all decide to play inside a tent? They wanted to play an in-tents game.
39. What card was thrown out of the deck for being too rebellious? The wild card.

41. What’s the worst part about playing origami poker? Having to fold.
42. What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common? You can’t even deal with it.
43. What happened when a couple decided to use a deck of Uno cards to play their next game of poker? They found out that it was a complete game-changer.

If you want to hear more funny random jokes then check out these other great lists of jokes:

• Chair jokes
• Fall puns
• Jokes about candles
• Deez nuts jokes for kids