65 Funny Horse Puns

Gallop into a pasture of laughter with these neigh-larious horse jokes! We’ve compiled a list of our favorite horse puns and wordplay. If you have any to add, please feel free to comment them below!

Funny horse puns

Here are some of our favorite puns about horses.

1. Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital.
2. Why are most horses fit? Because they are on a stable diet.
3. Why did the horse cross the road? Because somebody shouted hay.
4. Why was the horse really proud of her school test results? Because she got an hay-plus
5. Why did the woman stand behind the horse? She was hoping to get a kick out of it.

6. Why didn’t the young horse play in the river after eating? She knew not to swim on a foal stomach.
7. When do vampires like horse racing? When it’s neck and neck.
8. What did the mother horse say to her foal? It’s pasture bed time.
9. What street do horses live on? The Mane St.
10. What do you call a horse that’s been all around the world? A globe-trotter.

11. What did the teacher say to the horse? Why the long face?
12. How does a gardener lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
13. What is the difference between a horse and a duck? One goes “quack” and the other goes quick.
14. Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse.
15. When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to.

16. What do you call a giraffe that is winning a horse race? A longshot.
17. What kind of horse can swim underwater? A seahorse.
18. Why don’t horses wear underwear when they race? Because it rides up on them.
19. How do you know a horse has a negative attitude? They always say Neigh.
20. When does a horse talk on the phone? Whinny wants to.

21. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.
22. How do you get up on a horse made of pancakes? Use the syrups.
23. Why did the horse eat with its mouth open? Because it had bad stable manners.
24. What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground.
25. How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay the night, and then still ride out on Friday?  His horse’s name was Friday.

26. Which side of the horse has the most hair? The outside.
27. What type of phone does a horse like to eat?  An apple phone.
28. What do you call a scary female horse? A nightmare.
29. Why can’t horses dance? They have two left feet.
30. What do you call a horse that lives next door to you? A neigh-bour.

31. What kind of bread does a horse eat? Thoroughbread.
32. What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup.
33. Why do cowboys ride horses? Because they’re too heavy to carry.
34. What’s invisible and smells like hay? Horse farts.
35. Why did the horse leave the door open? Because she grew up in a barn.

36. What makes a horse sneeze? Hay fever.
37. How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse? The police horse goes neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw.
38. What kind of food do competitive horse races like to eat? Fast food.
39. What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
40. What do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup.

41. What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare.
42. Where does the three-legged horse live? In the unstable.
43. What did the Jedi say to the cowboy? May the horse be with you.
44. What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee? Neigh-buzz.
45. What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh.

Horse one liners

Wanna hear a good, neigh, a great joke? Then keep on reading for some awesome one-liners!

46. A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, ‘Why the long face?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the horse, ‘I was born with it.’
47. A horse walks into a bar. “Hey” says the barman. Yes please, says the horse.
48. Two coconuts are walking down the road. One says, “Can you hear a horse
49. A farmer put shoes on his horses and they all started sticking to the grass. They were in a magnetic field.
50. A woman asks her vet if she will be able to race her horse again. The vet said, Yes, of course and I think you will probably win.

51. I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once. It had its ups and downs.
52. They discovered a new horse species that has a horn and one eye. It’s called a unicornea.
53. Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse. Don’t worry, it’s in a stable condition.
54. The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: “I am sorry, I am a little horse.”
55. A horse was arrested and brought to the police station for questioning. He de-neighed all accusations.

Best horse jokes

These next funny horse puns are some of our best jokes and puns about horses!

56. Which type of cheese do horses like best? Mascar-pony.
57. What did the mother horse say to her child horse? Hay, it’s pasture bedtime.
58. Why do thoroughbreds fart when they buck? Because they can’t achieve full horsepower without gas.
59. What does it mean if you find a horse shoe? There is a horse walking around with only socks on.
60. What did the waiter say to the horse? I can’t take your order, that’s not my stable.

61. What is a horses’ favorite sport? Stable tennis.
62. What always goes to sleep with shoes on? A horse.
63. How does a horse open a door? With a donkey.
64. Who helps ponies possessed by demons? An ex-horse-ist.
65. Why did the horse run away from his wedding? He got colt feet.

Final thoughts

We hope you enjoyed these horse jokes! If you want to hear more funny animal jokes then check out these other lists of jokes:

• Rabbit puns
• Jokes about ducks
• Beaver jokes
• Dog jokes