30 Funny Pee Jokes

Here are 30 funny pee jokes and the best pee puns to crack you up. These jokes about pee are great jokes for kids and adults.

Cartoon graphic of a boy peeing onto the ground on a blue background.

Pee puns

Here is our top list of pee dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about pee, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this pee humor with others.

  1. Do you need to find a toilet to go pee? Well urine luck.
  2. What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone? Urine my way.
  3. Why do pirates leave the bathroom angry? Because after the Pee is gone, they’re just Irate.
  4. When is the only time P comes after Q? When there’s a line for the bathroom because you have to queue before you pee.
  5. How many types of people are in this world? Two, those that pee in the shower and liars.
  1. Why can’t you hear a dinosaur pee? Because they’re extinct.
  2. How are friends like snowflakes? When you pee on them, they disappear.
  3. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup.
  4. Why did Shakespeare stop in front of the bathroom? Because he couldn’t decide whether to pee, or not to pee.
  5. How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom? A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.
Cartoon graphic of a call with wet pants knocking on the door of a bathroom to go pee on a blue background.

Pee one liners

Here are some great pee joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about pee.

  1. Friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.
  2. Apparently it’s no longer OK to urinate in the ocean. I’m told it’s not pee sea.
  3. Happiness is like peeing in your pants. I haven’t experienced it since I was seven.
  4. My wife yelled at me for peeing in the shower last night. Probably should’ve waited till she got out first.
  5. Wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it. Husband: (peeing on jellyfish) This is for stinging my wife.
  1. When in comes to peeing, on a scale of one to ten. You’re an eight.
  2. I asked my grandpa why it takes him so long to pee. He said the stream is buffering.
  3. I peed on the side of the bowl so that it makes no noise when I pee. But they kicked me out the restaurant immediately.
  4. I got caught peeing in a pool today. The lifeguard yelled so loud, I almost fell in.
  5. I got kicked out of the pool for peeing in it. I said “what’s the big deal? Everybody pees in the pool”. They said “maybe, but not from the diving board”.
Cartoon graphic of smiling drop of pee doing the peace signs on a blue background.

Best pee jokes

These next funny pee puns are some of our best jokes and puns about pee!

  1. How does The Rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson.
  2. What happens when you claim an island by peeing on it? Urination.
  3. What did the kid say when he saw the invisible man pee? Urine visible.
  4. How is happiness like peeing in your pants? Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
  5. Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon? He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
  1. Where do Inuit’s go to pee? The ig-loo.
  2. Where does Batman go to pee? The batroom.
  3. What do you say to someone having difficulty peeing? Urine trouble.
  4. What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like? Nothing, the pee is silent.
  5. What sound does a robot make when going to the bathroom? Pee-poop pee-poop.
Cartoon graphic of a boy holding on to his pants looking like he really needs to pee on a blue background.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about pee, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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