30 Funny Grass Puns

Here are 30 funny grass jokes and the best grass puns to crack you up. These jokes about grass are great grass jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of grass dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about grass, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this grass humor with others.

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Grass puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about grass that are also awesome grass jokes for adults and kids to be told!

Why is grass so dangerous? Because it’s full of blades.
How do you know how long to mow your lawn for? Use an hour-grass.
What did the llama say to the grass? Nice gnawing you.
What do you call being attacked by a lawn? Grass-ault.
What do you call a company that replants fields of grass using crop-duster planes? A re-seeding airline.

Why do Gnomes laugh when they play football? The grass tickles their armpits.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Why is a field of grass always older than you? Because it’s pasture age.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field of grass.
Why did the husband cut most of the grass but only leave a strip at the top? Because his wife asked him to Mo-w the lawn.

Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer? They watch cricket instead.
What did the ivy say to the grass? I am green with envy.
How does grass protect itself from the sun? It wears sun-grass-es.
How do you know what type of soil is best to grow a lawn? Through grass-ification.
Why did the grass go to the physiatrist? Because it was feeling lawnly.

Here are some great grass joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about grass.

Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He’s a lawn mooer.
I was going to tell you a joke about grass, but I decided to weed it out.
Someone has stolen the grass from my garden said the woman looking forlorn.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a house, but the evidence may have been planted.
A friend of mine is his team’s best footballer on paper. Unfortunately most of their games are played on grass.

Grass jokes are always green-ius.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass, it must have been grass-ping for air.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from grass lawns. I was raking it in.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.

These next funny grass puns are some of our best jokes and puns about grass!

I told a joke about grass to my friend. But it didn’t seem to root with her.
What do you call a rude landscaper? A grasshole.
How do cows say “thank you” for dinner in Spanish? Moo-chas grass-ias.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass. But he has been gone for a lawn time.
A farmer put shoes on his horses and they all started sticking to the grass. They were in a magnetic field.