19 Funny Needle Puns
I’ve been stashing my favorite needle jokes over the years and tossing the ones that don’t quite land. These needle puns are hand-picked or home-sewn by me (a real human, promise).
Thread your way through, steal a line to use on someone you know, and if you’ve got a good one, send it my way in the comments.
Needle puns
- What has one eye, but can’t see? A needle.
- What kind of pine has the sharpest needles? A porcupine.
- What does the space needle sew? The fabric of space time.
- What did the needle say to the balloon? I am the king of pop.
- Where do the needle and thread go on a hot summer’s day? The swimming spool.
Needle one liners
- There’s no point in adding an extra “s” to the word needles. It’s needless.
A woman had to get her knitting needles fixed. They just didn’t seam right. - The most impressive thing about it taking ten sheep to make a jumper is that I didn’t know they had any knitting needles.
- I asked my acupuncturist to use smaller needles this time, but they ignored me. I’ve never felt so stabbed in the back.
- Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg. I spent the following day thinking “my Pfizer killing me”.
- Good acupuncture is a jab well done.
- I’d tell you a joke about a blunt needle but it’s pointless.
- A group of friends with needles are part of a clothes knit community.
- I bet some friends I could manufacturer a sewing needle. It was a silly challenge but I made my point.
- I would tell you a joke about a needle in a haystack, but I don’t think you’d see the point.
Best needle jokes
- Why can’t Christmas trees sew? They always drop their needles.
- Why wouldn’t the string go into the eye of the needle? It was afreyed.
- What do you get when you take a needle to a balloon filled with yogurt? Pop culture.
- Someone keeps going around and stealing people’s knitting needles. Police think he is following a pattern.
- A friend with knitting needles told me he has a pattern for sunglasses. I think he’s trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:
