45 Funny January Jokes
Reading these January jokes is helping me keep my New Year’s resolution to read more. These, and I’ve put subtitles on the TV! Anyway, if you have more January puns, then let me know in the comments. I read them all and am always adding the best ones into the list. Oh and Happy New Year!
January Jokes
- If January threw a parade would February march? No, but April may!
- What does Bigfoot call January? Januhairy.
- What was the first thing said on January 1, 2021? Hindsight is 2020.
- Where do you find Google during January? The Winternet.
- Why was the computer screen so pixelated on January 1st? It was its New Year’s resolution.
- What do you call a temper tantrum that a snowman throws in January? A meltdown.
- What’s the best food to eat in January? Brrr-itos.
- What do you have in December that you don’t have in January? The letter D.
- Why shouldn’t you kiss someone on January 1st? Because it’s the first date.
- Why did the jazz musician play his trumpet outside during January? Because he liked cool music.
- I’m devastated that I won’t be able to celebrate my birthday this March. I was born in January.
- Why do we say happy new year in January? Because people will look at you funny if you say it in June.
- What is at the end of January? “Y.”
- Are the days in January shorter? Nope, they are all still 24 hours.
- Do you know there’s a place where January comes after February? It’s the dictionary.
- Why did somebody buy a 4K TV on January 1st? It was his New Year’s resolution.
- What falls in January but never gets hurt? Snow.
- Where do storm troopers go to warm up on cold January days? The Darth Mall.
- Is January the longest month? No, September has 2 more letters in its name.
- If all the months of the calendar had a race, who would win? January. It always finishes first.
- It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January. I drink on all of the other days.
- What’s the moon called in January? The moon.
- How was the snow globe feeling in January? A little shaken.
- What do snowmen wear on their heads in January? Ice caps.
- Which athlete is warmest in January? A long jumper.
- What makes January different from December? Every letter except the r.
- What’s a New Years resolution? A to-do list for the first week of January.
- What do you say on the 1st of January? Last year just seems like yesterday.
- Who helped Cinderella with her New Year’s Resolutions? Her Janu-fairy Godmother.
- How many seconds are there in one year? 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, and December 2nd.
- I lost 199 pounds at the gym this year. I forgot to cancel my membership after January.
- I got laser eye surgery on the 1st January 2021. It gave me 2020 vision.
- January 6th is National Bean Day, which also makes it hold your breath day.
- Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower.
- Knock Knock Who’s there? Icy.
- Icy who? Icy a January snowstorm coming!
- I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of January. Edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of January.
- What is the first month of the year in Transyvania? Janu-eerie.
- What does a ghost say on January 1? Happy Boo Year.
- What do you call a nice ghost on a cold January night? Casp-burr.
- My wife’s underwear are labelled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’. My underwear is labelled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’.
- Everyone knows about the January wasp, but Maybee not.
- My teacher wanted me to spell January, I said easy, “01”.
- You can say what you want, but dry January is quite a success in Australia.
- I think Christmas should be moved to January. The stores are less crowded and everything is on sale.
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