35 Funny Couch Puns

Here are 35 funny couch jokes and the best couch puns to crack you up. These jokes about couches are great jokes for kids and adults.

Couch puns

Here is our top list of couch dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about couches, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this couch humor with others.

What did the couch say when it lost 20% of its body? Ouch.
Where’s the farmer’s favorite place to sit? On the cow-ch.
Son, did you eat the ice cream in the freezer? No, I ate it on the couch.
How do you turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed? Simply forget your wife’s birthday.
Why can’t Buddhists vacuum under the couch? Because they have no attachments.

What do you call a couch in a suit? A tux-seat-o.
What do couch potatoes turn into? Computer chips.
What do you call a nut that fell out of your bowl and rolled under the couch? AWOL nut.
Why did the homeless pilot land in a furniture store? He wanted to crash on their couch.
What does the blind man call the couch? An ouch, because they can’t c where it’s at.

What do you call a couch, chair, and table made out of plants? Ferniture.
What did the shrink call his new couch? A comfort zone.
When is your grandfather‘s bedtime? Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Where do you find a Himalayan cat? You’ll find him-a-layin on the couch.
What is an old lady’s favorite exercise? Trying to get up from the soft couch.

Here are some great couch joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about couches.

Tried to fold my bed back into a couch, almost broke both my arms cause it’s not that kind of bed.
Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him I’m married now and that’s where I sleep.
Some philosopher said “Change does not come from a place of comfort.”, but he was wrong, I always find loose coins in my couch.
I can finally see things that are far away when sitting on the couch, I have tele-vision.
On our wedding day, his mother told me, I’m not losing a son, I’m gaining a couch.

One of my best childhood memories was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed thinking wow, I can teleport.
My favorite April Fool’s prank is pretending I’m going to leave the couch.
Biden had a meeting with his cabinet this morning then he talked to the bookcase for a while, and now he’s arguing with the couch.
I’ve always suspected my wife was cheating, yesterday I found the monopoly money she hid in the cushion of the couch.
I was walking down the road and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs, I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.

These next funny couch puns are some of our best jokes and puns about couches!

What does the sofa say when you jump on it? Couch.
What’s the best way the drummer was able to sell his couch? Per cushion.
I camouflaged my couch so nobody could find it. Sofa it’s working.
What is it called when you touch a couch inappropriately? Sectional assault.
Has anyone’s gardening skills improved during the covid quarantine? I planted myself on the couch in August and have grown significantly since.

What does a hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch? Namaste.
Why did the couch have a fear of chairs? The chairs were armed.
What stands on four legs and is man’s best friend? A couch.
What happens if you try to sit on Death’s couch? There will be grim reaper cushions.
I was laying on the couch and my fiancé said, I thought you said you were interesting? No honey, I said I was into resting.