25 Funny Taxi Jokes

Here are 25 funny taxi jokes and the best taxi puns to crack you up.

Taxi puns

Here is our top list of taxi dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about taxis, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this taxi humor with others.

Which vegetable tells us how old a taxi is? Cabbage.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
What’s the first thing the taxi driver said to the wolf? Werewolf?
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys? A taxi.
Why didn’t the platypus pay the taxi driver? Because he only had a one-dollar-bill.

What’s a taxi driver’s favorite wine? Cabernet.
How did the limpet cross the river? She took a taxi crab.
What does a taxidermist do on Sundays? Nothing special, just the usual stuff.
How many taxi drivers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw it in and one to overcharge for the bulb.
Why would Mark Zuckerberg be a very good taxi driver? You get in the car and he already knows your name and where you live.

Here are some great taxi joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about taxis.

I just started working as a taxi driver. I’m really going places.
Went to the taxi driver reunion. Everyone turned up half an hour late.
My friend quit his job as a taxi driver. He got fed up with people telling him where to go.
Think New Yorkers don’t get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab. One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.
A man is arrested after nearly being hit by a taxi. He was charged with tax-evasion

I got charged $50 by a taxi driver to go to a laundromat only 2 miles away. I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners
Being a taxi driver is boring, nobody ever talks to me. And when they can be bothered to talk, all they say is, “Hang on a minute, I don’t live in the woods”.
I asked my taxi driver if I could leave him some tequila and fried chicken. He said, “Sure”. So I threw up.
It’s not difficult to be a taxi driver if you’re dyslexic. It’s as easy as CAB.
I got seriously drunk tonight and took a taxi home. Who knows where I got it or how I’m going to return it.

These next funny taxi puns are some of our best jokes and puns about taxis!

What do you call a taxi driver who’s also a magician? Abra-cab-driver.
Who can drive all their customers away and still make money? Taxi drivers.
Why did the taxi driver quit his job? He was tired of people talking behind his back.
What do you call the best driver? An Über driver.
What does an online taxi company and phillips-head have in common? They both screw drivers.